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58%?????? That’s insane. It DID NOT used to be this way before internet porn.

It absolutely wasn't like this. Never was I hit, slapped, choked, or otherwise abused during sex back in the day. This is shocking, appalling, grotesque, horrifying -- any number of adjectives, and it still doesn't feel like enough.

None of this sounds like sex. It all just sounds like abuse and hate/misogyny. What exactly is "sexy" or alluring about being slapped and punched? And more to the point, I really want someone to answer THIS: What exactly is "sexy" or a turn-on about punching, slapping, or choking someone you claim to love (or at the very least find attractive)???

Women learning to self-harm through sex (and "love") and sick males learn to exploit this for their own gain.

Honest answer: most people growing up today with access to porn learn what is sexy from porn. I didn't see it at all until I was 18 and already sexually active (for about 6-9 months before I saw it the first time), and it was like a switch flipped. All of a sudden I felt inadequate because I didn't look and act like those women. My boyfriend who had been very content with our sex life suddenly wanted blow jobs, which I still thought were gross.

We ultimately broke up because we were both unsatisfied with each other sexually, due to porn consumption. Mainly on his part but also mine.

With my next boyfriend, I sucked it up and did blow jobs even though I hated them and they grossed me out still. Because I had learned my lesson that my job was to perform and look like those girls.

I am married to a man 10 years older than me, and one of the things I loved best about him when we met is that he was never into porn the way my other boyfriends my age were, and we have connection during sex. He's not a pest about me performing and would prefer that I do not. It was a good surprise. This is one of the good things about dating older, at least for me.

Preemptively: not interested in hearing about how my husband is a predator. Often that happens, but he is not.

Remember when sex was supposed to be fun and pleasurable, and with someone you felt safe and happy with, not terrifying and painful?

Those were the days.

[–] worried19 10 points Edited

Sickening. The men who do this are domestic abusers, period. The women who engage in this may be victims in some sense, but the ones who cheerfully promote this violence all over the Internet and goad men to abuse them (not excusing the men who do so) are also traitors to their sex. They are hurting other women and girls. They are training men to be abusers.

I believe the rise in sexualized violence is also contributing to the number of girls and young women looking to disavow womanhood. I don't think it's a coincidence that the first generation raised on violent hardcore pornography is the first generation that has seen record numbers of young girls, especially heterosexual girls, looking to flee womanhood en masse.

Absolutely. Also the boom in sex offences and rapes committed by 10-12 year old boys. There've been some disturbing stats and reports about this in the UK.
Boys of 7/8 are watching porn.. it's so messed up.
If we dont get the situation under control I worry what the future holds for women and girls.

More than half of all sexual encounters! Wtf. As he said, this is abnormal behavior. That means that there are a lot of male deviants out there, and porn and kink culture has emboldened them. They’ve even literally gotten away with murder using the “rough sex defense” over and over. Women who promote this shit are shamelessly complicit in the abuse of other women.

I'm also very angry at the women who promote this. They're just as traitorous to their sex as female TRAs and are actively harming the next generation of girls.

That’s disgusting. I hate how modern culture has made it seem cool to have casual hooks ups, this is the result of it and pornified men.

Hook ups should be looked down upon. What do the women get of it? Getting hit and being left not satisfied. If men want it so badly they can do it to each other.

Yes. I almost said "conservative" on the poll about political affiliation yesterday because I'm conservative about sex. Not because it cheapens a woman to have sex outside of marriage, but because so much of what men want from women sexually isn't good for women. BDSM, rough sex, anal, oral, polyamory, kink, and porn all disproportionately harm women.

The source of this alarming stat is a professor who specializes in sexual health named Debby Herbenick. She promotes the idea that colleges should invite BDSM speakers in to talk about safety during her webinars.

Debby Herbenick is a professor in the Indiana University School of Public Health-Bloomington, director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion and research fellow at The Kinsey Institute. She is the 2016-18 president of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists and the author of five trade books about sex and love.

Herbenick has published more than 100 scientific articles related to sexual health and behavior in a number of peer-reviewed journals. Additionally, she has served as an expert witness for local, national and international cases related to human sexuality.

Do we know where the statistic comes from? What study, how many people were asked, what country, what age groups, how long ago?

This is deeply frightening. Perhaps porn is the engine of the return of misogyny in all sorts of ways? I see it online in social media, even people who say they are feminists or feminist allies. the labeling of all women as something crappy (bodies for consumption, preferably with sadism, when young, Karens who should be silenced when not so young).

Someone linked to the XX subreddit some time ago (I don't go to Reddit anymore as it's a misogynistic hellhole, except when someone links to it from here etc.), and several people who said they are women explained how they like to be hit or strangled while having sex.. It seemed something to be proud of.

And now I also wonder if that stuff about young (?) men not being able to find young women to date (and those women not wanting to date) is because maybe getting called a slut and being spat at isn't exactly the kind of thing every young girl has dreamed about?

And now I also wonder if that stuff about young (?) men not being able to find young women to date (and those women not wanting to date) is because maybe getting called a slut and being spat at isn't exactly the kind of thing every young girl has dreamed about?

Yes. I think that's true. Many young women today are terrified of dating and sex. Some are confused about what they feel. They just label it asexual or demisexual because they can't have sex for a very very long time, it takes that long to start trusting anyone.

The statistic came from a webinar put on by a human sexuality researcher by the name of Debby Herbenick and that is all I know.

My SO slept around a lot more than I did before we got together. He tried a ton of 'rough' moves and dirty talk and I had to tell him 'bro wtf are you doing' (he absolutely respected me stopping it) but it was like that was just the standard I was oblivious to... who slaps a woman's vuvla and thinks they like it? He did it and then apologized when I freaked out lol. Never did again. But tbh I wish I didnt have to 'untrain' whatever porn and bar hookups did to him to begin with. Like he had not ever had sex that wasnt like that, even getting hit and punched hikself and I refused when he asked. I cannot do that, holy hell. Now he says he has never in his life had sex as good as me and him do together, probably because we actually care about showing love and care instead of 'being dirty or kinky?' Crazy shit

Oh wow! I have seen a variation of your story from women who say their man refused and they eventually stopped wanting kink in their lives and really appreciated gentle sex more, but your story is the first time hearing the gender roles reversed!

Oh interesting, I was super sheltered and honestly assumed the guys were usually guilty haha but idk. I don't really watch porn either, have a few times but it is just so gross usually. Not willing to sift through all that to find something that does not look painful.