My teacher brought it up in psych class. I'm genuinely concerned I tried looking it because I'm highly concerned. Are there other factors. Someone explain and help

My teacher brought it up in psych class. I'm genuinely concerned I tried looking it because I'm highly concerned. Are there other factors. Someone explain and help

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This wouldn't surprise me considering like 25% of all women have been sexually abused

I don’t think they genuinely fantasize about being raped. By definition if the sex is wanted then it isn’t rape because the woman is consenting to it. Therefore any of a woman’s fantasies can’t be about rape because in her mind she actively wants it to happen.

Real life is different though. Any sex a woman does not consent to is automatically rape. Meaning I think it’s impossible for a woman to want to be raped and no consensual sex that a woman actually wants is considered rape.

That's horrific misinformation for your Psych teacher to be pushing, especially to college age men who I'm sure we all know have been openly confessing that they would engage in "sex without consent if they could get away with it," in surveys for decades. I would complain to the staffing board even if nothing comes from it, because that's literally so horrifying for a man to say in a classroom.

A 'rape fantasy' is an oxymoron imo. The term 'fantasy', in this case, implies something that you desire. The term 'rape' is defined as something you don't desire to happen to you. So, desiring something that you don't desire is contradictory and should be dismissed. If someone has what they would term a 'rape fantasy' you either have to re-interpret what the 'rape' term is or what the 'fantasy' term is to make the term 'rape fantasy' coherent.

As others have already written, the 'rape' that some women describe they fantasize about may actually be sex that the woman desires but she has different hang-ups about being the one who desires it (and patriarchy gives us a lot of reasons to have hang-ups about it, especially in conservative environments) so they shroud it in 'rape' terminology to disappear their own desire for sex.

Or it could be that the woman is acknowledging rape for the undesireable act that it is, and the 'fantasy' part of the term is used neutrally to just imagine what it would be to go through this undesireable act and how to cope with living as a prey among predators. I.e. it's not something the woman gets off on.

I just want to add that my argumentation is built on the axiom that the woman is 'self-identified' as opposed to 'male-identified'. These terms have been muddled with the whole gender ideology. But what I mean by those terms is that 'self-identification' is someone who recognizes that they have worth in their own eyes and is able to self-advocate for their own interests and boundaries. Someone who is 'male-identified' is someone who sees their value mainly in relation to men, an effect of constant objectification for example, and is unable to self-advocate for their own interests and boundaries.

I believe that you can desire to self-destruct, but this requires that you are not self-identified in the sense I laid out above. So, the self-destruction is not desired by the self, but by the outside person(s) who the self may temporarily identify with (as a result of all the calls of kys that's abundant out there). So, a 'rape fantasy' in a person who is not self-identified may desire the thing that is undesireble for the self - the rape - on behalf of identifying with the man who desires to rape. That's another way to make the term 'rape fantasy' coherent.

The eroticisation of inequality is what Sheila Jefferys called it. Three is a great Women's International Declaration where they discuss Kate Millets Sexual Politics which discussed this sort of idea. How it has been inserted into media and normalised. Plus the misogyny that created it, focused very much in how and why women will have internalised it unconsciously.

I too have wondered about this agent of fantasy. I think it is planted by the pornafied society we live in rather than being an inherent part of women's sexuality.

What does it mean if this is true? I guess I don't see why it evokes such horror. Don't we all have fantasies at times (or maybe I just mean 'imagine' or 'contemplate') about all kinds of things we would never do, would never want to do, would likely be locked up for life if we did, like ... I suppose the question is: what does having a rape fantasy mean, what does it say about a woman. I don't think we know, so we don't know if this is a 'bad' thing or not.

Also, some years ago I did a bunch of research about post-natal depression, and some women suffering from that have really really frightening fantasies (actually, I think fantasies is the WRONG word here but anyway)...or thoughts re their children.

Not that I'm saying rape fantasies entail some kind of emotional/mental ill health...but humans a complex and ... blah blah blah I should shut up now. Not sure what my point is, just interested I guess.

To me, it implies that misogynistic men are right about women. That we're inferior by nature and that even if we deny it, they believe we all secretly want to be raped and dominated and abused by men. That's the thing that makes me not want to be female. I would do anything to get away from that stereotype. It's horrifying to me, and I believe it's one of the many factors that is driving some young women and girls towards transition. Who would want to be female in a world that believes we desire to be weak victims of male violence?

I hear you. I empathise with your feelings re not wanting to be female. I felt that way for decades when young but don't anymore now that I'm old(er). I can see it's a zillion times worse now than when I was young.

I suppose, thinking about it more, my question probably related to the status of 'fantasies', and what, if anything, they say about the person having them. But it's probably unanswerable. I'd like to think that they are (or can be) not connected with what a person ACTUALLY wants re real life. But... well... I dunno.

[–] proudcatlady 4 points Edited

I really relate to your feelings. I don’t feel them as intensely as you do. But they’re extremely relatable.

I don’t know if it’s a comfort or even worse, but men will treat us badly no matter what the surveys say. For every stat like this, there are four saying how traumatizing and life-destroying rape is. And they never bring that up.

Men can never be right about us. They are selective listeners.

Thanks, yeah, I know many men cannot be convinced. Believe me, I tried over on Reddit. The Red Pillers and others of their ilk have blinders on. But studies that prove their point obviously don't help. And women are powerless to change it. The percentage of women eroticizing rape has probably only gone up since BDSM and violent Internet porn became mainstream.

I hear the distress in your words but I can assure you, that by definition, you cannot desire to be raped (an inherently undesirable act).

What misogynistic men are implying about women's 'nature' as submissives, which is also made evident by TIMs who drone on and on about their euphoria feelings about being submissive sl*ts, is that women actually enjoy and desire the sexual acts done upon them but are too prude to admit it. They have no comprehension of the traumatic powerlesness the woman experiences in a rape where a lot of us dissociate out of our bodies. If they could comprehend that, they would know that it's inherently not something that you can desire. It's part of their blindness born out of their male privilege, and so their claims about 'women's inferior nature' in this regard can be wholly dismissed.

I guess it would be one thing if all women stood up and said that these were lies that men tell, that no women find the idea of rape arousing. But this whole thread is about the fact that many do. And if it's to be believed, not just many, but the majority. That's the upsetting part. I can deal with male lies. It's harder to deal with the fact that others of my biological sex feed into the stereotype.

[–] Hollyhock 9 points Edited

I personally don't, but there's also a gray area w/ what is rape fantasy vs. what is "I don't want to admit I want to have sex" fantasy. Even the trashiest romance novels which have so-called rape fantasies follow tropes where the event is resolved to the woman's satisfaction, so if there's any fantasy, it's about a virginal, unsure woman who is forced to marry a rogue duke, who is handsome and is later found to be nice to babies and puppies. She has 'surprise' orgasms and wants to have sex w/ him again despite being violated, and it feeds on her guilty about it. While technically this is rape because the story shows how she originally didn't consent, her unease turns to desire and then love, so her consent is resolved.

These fantasies in the romance trope allow women who may have repressive situations (like unhappy marriages, strict families, restrictive cultures, guilt, shame) to enjoy guilt-free sex because the choice is ostensibly removed from them. There used to be a time, and still is for many women, when good girls only ever say no. A romance 'rape' allows women to say yes when they are supposed to say no.

I don't see those as actual rape fantasies.

[–] Samhain 12 points Edited

There's actually a short story by Margaret Atwood from the mid-70s called "Rape Fantasies." In it, the main character and her friends talk about the "rape fantasies" they've had, cause a magazine article said all women have them. Thing is, none of the fantasies are really about rape. They're either super romanticized, like "the hot guy from my dream crawled through my bedroom window" or fantasies about stopping an attempted rape through either fighting back or talking the guy out of it.

Rape = no consent

No. Women do not fantasize about not giving consent. If they report that they do it’s because they have likely been rapedPreviously and have been sold the malicious idea that they can heal through continued rapes.

Not this one. At this point I prefer multiple check ins from a partner asking me if something is ok. Or I prefer being the aggressor myself. I don’t trust men to respect my boundaries or read my cues anymore. They’re just horrible at it.

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