Advice Anal sex

Gosh I wished I saw this post sooner, I hope this reply isn't too late!

For months now I have been trying to write up a huge post with links on the dangers of anal; so I have very great sources detailing all of them.

Some of them:

Gana, Tabitha, and Lesley M. Hunt. "Young women and anal sex." bmj 378 (2022): o1975. PDF format here

Faustino, Maria João, and Nicola Gavey. "“You Feel Like Normal Sex is not Enough Anymore”: Women's Experiences of Coercive and Unwanted Anal Sex with Men." Violence against women 28.11 (2022): 2624-2648. PDF format here

Fahs, Breanne, Eric Swank, and Lindsay Clevenger. "Troubling anal sex: Gender, power, and sexual compliance in heterosexual experiences of anal intercourse." Gender Issues 32.1 (2015): 19-38. PDF format here

I don’t have the resources, But it just shows sexual abuse of women and girls, imho. Worse with the rough way shown in porn.

Gay men in loving relationships, or at least with true consent and parity, aren’t showing up in droves to the er.

When we worked with homeless teens, then you would see the trauma of receptive anal sex with teen boys who engaged in survival sex work.

A gay doctor was horrified and said he had never seen this trauma in his community. We figured these were not men in the gay community but likely self loathing homosexual ‘straight’ men who paid to abuse ‘little f*ggts’.

It can be fun and enjoyable to receive anal sex for both men and women. But not if the man doing it is homophobic/misogynistic scumbag

Your ex, and men like him, are criminals

This is the Guardian article that was posted here a couple of months ago: "Rise in popularity of anal sex has led to health problems for women." The study cited in the article was published in the British Medical Journal, so you'd need a subscription or to find someone with access to read the full study.

I would tell her that post comes across as shaming women who have boundaries about anal sex. You can tell her how you were pressured into it, if you feel comfortable sharing that. Stories are much more memorable than just facts. You can add the topic of anal being a risky practice. I'd ask her to present topics in a more nuanced light, with consideration for women who don't want anal sex and with much greater respect for women's boundaries.

All that said, I am highly suspicious of any influencer promoting dangerous sex acts. It's basically an open secret that the porn industry spreads propaganda that way. Just like 'sex work is work' was a pimp slogan that was spread by these traffickers - basically everything in porn that women are reluctant to do but that men are eager to see, is something the porn industry wants to popularize. They're creating a world where young women are "porn ready", ie. they are already sexually traumatized and have no boundaries.

It can't hurt to message this influencer but if she's being paid to promote this (likely), you are going to be ignored! I would recommend just finding someone else to follow on Insta.

I recently read, here on Ovarit I believe, a link that detailed the harms of anal sec for women. Turns out our sphincters are more easily damaged as are the muscles of the pelvic floor. And women get STDs with complications from it and it can lead to incontinence in later life. Nobody is telling young women any of this of course.

Googling combinations of damage from anal sex and the issues I listed above might get you to the full article. I hope you do write that letter because this is an important issue. And like so many things danger to women is hidden behind the all important pleasure to men.

with the message that there is a reason we call some people "tight asses" and that "anal play" could be the remedy you need for "loosening up".

So is this the new "she's such a 8!+(4! She just needs to get laid!"? Because I'm sure we've all heard numerous iterations of that over the years.

This woman is just repackaging the same old misogyny with a new and disturbing twist.

Anal sex can be enjoyable for women (I know from experience) but the way it's being pushed on young women who probably don't even want to try it is disgusting and disturbing. The "tight asses" and "loosen up" language makes it all that much worse too. If a woman does try anal, it should be only because she wants to and only with someone who will respect her limits and stop when she says so. It should never be because some guy saw it in porn and he's worn his girlfriend down to agreeing to try.