I have no delusions about my sex anymore, but I'm still massively uncomfortable with my chest. I can't stand the feel of it, and have to wear sports bras at home just to deal. Sometimes I dream of being told I'm at-risk for breast cancer just so I could have an excuse to cut them off. Does anyone have any tips for dealing with this?
Honestly my biggest tip is just taking everything day by day, and remembering to breathe. I'm actually going through a day-long wave of discomfort right now, and I've been detransitioned for a year almost two now, i think.
Doing things to take my mind off of focusing on it, I find those moments of lull in between tasks or engagement of some kind are the most uncomfortable. So i keep my mind on other things, open a window to let in fresh air, put on something funny to relax my mind. Read, write, browse, wrestle my dogs, anything.
But i do still have to wear doubled sports bras at times and am right now, my "dysphoria" comes in waves like i said, i hope any of this could help or give insight, or at least let you know you're not alone. The only thing that even let me progress to having it come in waves was really, genuinely taking it day by day and slowly learning to be re-acquainted with my body after disassociating from it for so long.
I think I should also place more emphasis on writing, too. I spent a lot of the days after detransitioning writing about my experiences, my feelings, what i learned from transitioning/detransitioning, any insights i had about myself, and i think it really helped more than i realized.
Oh! and taking nature walks in secluded areas, away from people and in the early hours of the morning, help me as well. For some reason the fresh air, the natural world which has no human expectations or standards, and the lack of people help so much with becoming reconnected with myself.
Yes! I'm so glad to hear that, genuinely. It'll take time, but you'll find and gather ways to heal, cope, etc. that'll work for your own unique journey and life. Lots of love and good luck to you!
I find those moments of lull in between tasks or engagement of some kind are the most uncomfortable
this is definitely how I feel. That's why it's worse for me at home than in public.
Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in this. Sometimes I feel like these feelings should've just gone away as I become more aware of feminist philosophies, so it's comforting to hear that other people experience this too
I think it’s different person to person depending on what caused the dysphoria, but what helped me partially was not wearing bras or any sort of tight clothing. It was hard at first but it helps me now because I honestly just forget they’re there. I can’t see them, I don’t have tight clothing that I can feel restricting them, no pain from binding to remind me of them, and I don’t have anyone that comments on them. But it’s definitely been a long process that’s taken me years and still isn’t over yet. However, as I said, I think the things that help are different depending on the cause - whether it’s misogyny, gender non conformity, or something else that is causing the feelings in the first place.
I think also that doing a lot of little things helps. I use a gender neutral shortened form of my name, I don’t wear female underwear, I don’t wear feminine clothing, and all those little things add up.
female underwear is kind of absurd to me at this point lol. I don't even consider that a gender thing so much as a "you'll never convince me things are comfortable" thing
There’s sooo many things that are ‘meant’ for women that are straight up just uncomfortable and expensive. Makeup, bras, knickers, waxing, shaving, threading - if there’s one good thing that’s come out of this whole gender transition nightmare I’ve been on, it’s that I’ve realised I don’t need to do any of that stuff. It’s just a shame that because I declared myself a man I was under no pressure, but now I’ve detransitioned other women are straight up telling me I ‘need’ to do makeup and bras and shaving. Like, no. I’m good.
Dunno if anyone else has suggested this and I doubt it'll help too much honestly but maybe try stop referring to it as dysphoria and try to put a descriptor on the disconnect you have with your body, particularly why you want rid of your breasts? It's different from person to person but just maybe it could help?
dysphoria is a medical term beyond use in gender dysphoria. I get why people are uncomfortable with the association, but there's not a more accurate term. I'd like to work this out better in therapy, but it's difficult to find one at this point who won't just encourage me to transition. For me, there was no inciting incident, and it has little to do with objectification considering the only reason I never got top surgery, at my worst moments, was because I knew it would make me less attractive to other lesbians.
I respect that, sorry if that came off as rude. I know dysphoria is a medical term beyond use in gender dysphoria but the latter there is overused and seems to be attached to any little discomfort which eventually multiplies and becomes worse and worse until you cave in to that overwhelming pressure. Sadly you are right though, most therapists are either completely religion focused or they're so swallowed in gender ideology and will just tell you to transition.
Is it maybe health reasoning, like severe back pain? There are plenty of women, detrans and not who seek out a breast reduction and not a mastectomy but it should of course be a last resort if nothing else is working. I wish you the best of luck with this all.
don't worry, I get a bit defensive because a lot of radfem circles sometimes really push the idea that all physical dysphoria is either normal GNC or caused by patriarchal sexualization, and I do think it's more complicated/innate than that for a lot of people. I wish there were openly radfem therapists, but at least in the US it's career suicide :/
I do get back and shoulder pains a lot, but I doubt it would be severe enough for a reduction. I've thought about it a lot, in the sense that I think a reduction could help rather than a complete mastectomy, but asfaik purely cosmetic reduction isn't really a thing?
I'm hoping once quarantines are over and I can be outside more, this won't be as bad. Weirdly, I do better with my body when I'm in social settings
This probably won't work for most people but I gave myself mini exposure therapy. Started off wearing bulky sweatshirts, then less bulky ones, then t-shirts, etc. Idk if that would help at all but it did help me get more comfortable with the fact that they exist