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A lot of the discussion in radfem and GC spaces is focused on AGP, and I understand why. However, as someone who used to identify as non-binary for the past eight years (Tumblr really got me good :/) I wish there were more discussions about AHE/AAP. I'm not really sure I can even identify as "detrans" since I never transitioned to begin with (I have "transphobic" parents so I never brought it up with them, thankfully. If they were more accepting I probably would have gotten top surgery, a hysterectomy, and probably be on a low dose of T). I still get dysphoric from time to time, though.

I guess my "AHE" stemmed from the BL manga I read when I was in middle school. I know not everyone who reads BL ends up this way, but I guess I was just trying to escape growing up. I have problems with sex and sexuality, and therefore cannot imagine myself in sexual situations (no trauma). BL provided a sexual outlet for me since there were no women involved, as well as an escape from womanhood. I idolized the characters so much that I probably believed becoming one would help me escape womanhood permanently. I still read BL and have these feelings from time to time, but I no longer want to transition. I just wish I had more people to talk about these feelings with.

A lot of the discussion in radfem and GC spaces is focused on AGP, and I understand why. However, as someone who used to identify as non-binary for the past eight years (Tumblr really got me good :/) I wish there were more discussions about AHE/AAP. I'm not really sure I can even identify as "detrans" since I never transitioned to begin with (I have "transphobic" parents so I never brought it up with them, thankfully. If they were more accepting I probably would have gotten top surgery, a hysterectomy, and probably be on a low dose of T). I still get dysphoric from time to time, though. I guess my "AHE" stemmed from the BL manga I read when I was in middle school. I know not everyone who reads BL ends up this way, but I guess I was just trying to escape growing up. I have problems with sex and sexuality, and therefore cannot imagine myself in sexual situations (no trauma). BL provided a sexual outlet for me since there were no women involved, as well as an escape from womanhood. I idolized the characters so much that I probably believed becoming one would help me escape womanhood permanently. I still read BL and have these feelings from time to time, but I no longer want to transition. I just wish I had more people to talk about these feelings with.

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