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When you were IDing as trans, whether NB or TIF, did you have any "lightbulb" moments about how stupid and fake and obviously not real it all is?

I definitely had several!

  1. Realizing that tumblr was full of girls, women, and TIFs, and reddit was full of boys, men, and TIMs.
  2. Realizing that most trans people now claim to be gay, meaning, of course, that they're straight. If being trans was real, it sure seems like the percentage of people who are gay should reflect that of "cis" people, but it clearly does not.
  3. Noticing how all TIF spaces felt great and egalitarian and welcoming, and all general trans spaces felt like all the TIMs were mansplaining to the TIFs lol.
  4. Speaking of #3, just the pure fucking rage I felt inside at the thought that if I stuck with being trans, I would have to claim I have male privilege which I very much fucking did not have, AND I'd have to pretend like all the mansplaining TIMs around me experienced the very misogyny that was making me want to be a man in the first place, and realizing what complete bullshit that was. Honestly this might have been the final straw for me.

Did anyone else have moments like these?

ETA: ONE MORE! I also couldn't help but notice that the same women who fawned over gay men fawned over TIMs even if they claimed to be lesbian, but did not fawn over real lesbians or TIFs, even if the TIF claimed to be a gay man. It's like even the "allies" obviously knew who was really male (and therefore deserving of admiration) and who was really female (and therefore boring by default).

When you were IDing as trans, whether NB or TIF, did you have any "lightbulb" moments about how stupid and fake and obviously not real it all is? I definitely had several! 1. Realizing that tumblr was full of girls, women, and TIFs, and reddit was full of boys, men, and TIMs. 1. Realizing that most trans people now claim to be gay, meaning, of course, that they're straight. If being trans was real, it sure seems like the percentage of people who are gay should reflect that of "cis" people, but it clearly does not. 1. Noticing how all TIF spaces felt great and egalitarian and welcoming, and all general trans spaces felt like all the TIMs were mansplaining to the TIFs lol. 1. Speaking of #3, just the pure fucking rage I felt inside at the thought that if I stuck with being trans, I would have to claim I have male privilege which I very much fucking did not have, AND I'd have to pretend like all the mansplaining TIMs around me experienced the very misogyny that was making me want to be a man in the first place, and realizing what complete bullshit that was. Honestly this might have been the final straw for me. Did anyone else have moments like these? ETA: ONE MORE! I also couldn't help but notice that the same women who fawned over gay men fawned over TIMs even if they claimed to be lesbian, but did not fawn over real lesbians or TIFs, even if the TIF claimed to be a gay man. It's like even the "allies" obviously knew who was really male (and therefore deserving of admiration) and who was really female (and therefore boring by default).

6 comments

[+] [Deleted] 16 points
  1. Realized I couldn't talk about experiencing bodily dysphoria in a general trans space without males making inappropriate comments or sexualizing what I experienced in my own body. If I had felt safer in trans spaces I might well have ruminated my way into actually transitioning

  2. Realized there were very few online FTM / trans female spaces that were actually female only because transwomen kept butting in and making unsolicited comments or ~asking questions~ when this was rarely the case in the reverse

  3. Someone posted on one of the genderqueer livejournals (birls?) a question that asked why nearly everyone identifying that way was a white AFAB between 18 and 25. There were no good answers and they were all invested in avoiding the obvious. I ran into this early and it stuck with me for like, 8 years... I think if I hadn't had this stuck in there I would have taken the possibility of IDing as nonbinary way more seriously

  4. I just could not buy "brain sex" as real given that I studied a psychology-related science in college and had enough education to read the studies and understand that none of them proved what trans people said they did

  5. No one could give me a good answer as to how you know what your gender is if you're unsure... if gender is merely something you just "know", what if you don't know? What are the criteria to discover your gender? If people could supposedly think they were "cis" and end up wrong, how the hell do you figure out that you were mistaken if supposedly nobody is mistaken when they declare their gender out loud?

Your #4 was also one of the kickers to me, I couldn't deal with the fact that these assholes said I had never experienced misogyny. Around the time I gave everything up the "baeddels" were around Tumblr and they were claiming that transmisogyny was the original oppression and women's oppression (regular misogyny) basically came from the fact that men were terrified they'd end up like transwomen so they took it out on women to make sure their weird sexual fear/jealousy was suppressed. It made me have an aneurysm.

Your whole list resonates with me, too! Especially your #1, when I realized how much the TIMs even fetishized the worst misogyny the TIFs experienced, including rape, unwanted pregnancies, sexual harassment and discrimination, etc.