My social detransition has been pretty gradual, but I've known I was a woman for a while. I recently took on a new name (to replace my masculine trans name) and that's been rough. My (all male) family is even less open to that than they were the first time, and years later I still have to correct them on not calling me a sister/daughter/woman. It really, really feels like everyone would rather I was still pretending to be a man :(
Always had body dysmorphia, but there's no tangible concept of who I am/what I look like anymore. A little bit of childhood porn exposure thrown in and it becomes very, very easy to convince myself that no body like mine could be a woman's-- too tall, too wide a ribcage, etc., it's hard. Even in pg/adult daydreams, I'm never in them. I've over-analyzed sexuality and can't tell who I'm attracted to, if anyone. Everything I do feels off.
Just feels like I missed out developing something fundamental. :( Massive body/mind split.