23

Although I detransitioned a long time ago, I didn't start paying close attention to radical feminism until recently. I agree with the basic tenet that women are oppressed for being female. As I kept reading on my own time I was told that detrans women apparently made up a small portion of radical feminists and that detrans women were mostly accepted by the community.

Unfortunately I haven't found this to be the case.

Non-detrans and non-dysphoric radical feminists can be unnecesarily cruel when it comes to detransitioners and desisters. It probably has to do with never having been in our shoes. It bothers me how often I read popular responses and insights from your average radfem (who is most likely heterosexual despite the lesbian stereotype) that show an astounding lack of empathy for us.

Calling us idiots, saying we're mutilated to our faces, making fun of women who look back on transitioning with regret, treating us like we're not fully women, speaking over us as though they know our experiences better (like claiming dysphoria doesn't exist), only ever bringing us up in debates and then being rude to actual detrans women, favoring desisters over detransitioners, I could go on. Not to mention the number of women who just get the facts wrong. Or get defensive when they're corrected.

I know that I'm female. I know that I'm a lesbian. I know that gender ideology only ever made my dysphoria worse. I know (now) that transition is not a reliable method of treating dysphoria. I just wish more radfems would remember the human behind the screen and actually treat us decently.

Not all radfems are so difficult to deal with. Still, I often get a sense of otherness in radfem spaces. I feel most understood around other gender critical detrans lesbians who actually know what it's like.

None of that is going to stop me from fighting for women's sex-based rights. It's just frustrating as most hetfems don't want to hear it.

Thoughts? Have you had any similar experiences?

Although I detransitioned a long time ago, I didn't start paying close attention to radical feminism until recently. I agree with the basic tenet that women are oppressed for being female. As I kept reading on my own time I was told that detrans women apparently made up a small portion of radical feminists and that detrans women were mostly accepted by the community. Unfortunately I haven't found this to be the case. Non-detrans and non-dysphoric radical feminists can be unnecesarily cruel when it comes to detransitioners and desisters. It probably has to do with never having been in our shoes. It bothers me how often I read popular responses and insights from your average radfem (who is most likely heterosexual despite the lesbian stereotype) that show an astounding lack of empathy for us. Calling us idiots, saying we're mutilated to our faces, making fun of women who look back on transitioning with regret, treating us like we're not fully women, speaking over us as though they know our experiences better (like claiming dysphoria doesn't exist), only ever bringing us up in debates and then being rude to actual detrans women, favoring desisters over detransitioners, I could go on. Not to mention the number of women who just get the facts wrong. Or get defensive when they're corrected. I know that I'm female. I know that I'm a lesbian. I know that gender ideology only ever made my dysphoria worse. I know (now) that transition is not a reliable method of treating dysphoria. I just wish more radfems would remember the human behind the screen and actually treat us decently. Not all radfems are so difficult to deal with. Still, I often get a sense of otherness in radfem spaces. I feel most understood around other gender critical detrans lesbians who actually know what it's like. None of that is going to stop me from fighting for women's sex-based rights. It's just frustrating as most hetfems don't want to hear it. Thoughts? Have you had any similar experiences?

15 comments

As a desistor I'm not sure I've had the same experience. I have noticed emotions can be high as not all detrans/desistors have come to a place of peace with who they are yet so every word, even if truth, cuts deeper than the speaker intends.

If you had surgery or took hormones, your body has been negatively affected in a way where its appropriate to use that word, especially when theyve cut healthy tissue off, its literally the definition. In a detrans setting it makes sense to avoid some triggering words to help healing, but in a GC setting, facts reign.

I understand that. I also understand that every detrans woman is going to feel differently about how non-detrans people refer to us. Some draw a hard line and ask for the word mutilation in all forms to be left out of it entirely.

I see it a little bit differently. In my eyes there's a difference between calling the process mutilation or specific body parts mutilated versus calling the woman herself mutilated. I give benefit of the doubt where I can because most have never interacted with detrans females. But calling us mutilated is rather dehumanizing when paired with a flippant tone. It's even worse when it is, as I have sometimes seen, said to the woman in question directly.

[+] [Deleted] 14 points

I'm desisted, but I have noticed what you're talking about and it never ceases to disgust me. I see a lot of treatment of desisted and detrans women as being stupid and somehow weak for being swept up in gender ideology. I don't get it because, in my mind, part of being against gender ideology should be out of compassion for detransitioners and desisters considering we have the most experience in and have been most impacted by TRA spaces

The constant appearance-related sniping and "mutilated woman" comments really upset me. We all have to live with our choices and there's a way to make these points without radfems mocking detrans women. It feels the same as when someone is talking about fat people as if we're not aware we're fat - yes, I know, I have a beard and a deep voice, what do you want from me? I've got to live with it and that's my life. I wish they would be kinder but it seems to be used as a tool to score points.

Somebody shared a post on Twitter earlier that I just remembered. She basically said that she had found a sense of pride in her voice, and that she felt that she could use it to speak up for women because sometimes, hers was heard more than other women's voices.

I think she meant that in a literal way. I thought it was cool, that she found this way of looking at it and I hope some of the others that read it today will remember that and feel happy that someone like her adds her voice to our cause.

I'm only a desister, but I wanted to share something because you mentioned your voice.

I've been very lucky in that the radfems I know more personally or am friends with have all been very kind and compassionate about my experiences.

However, on more impersonal platforms like Reddit, Twitter, or Ovarit, I've seen a lot of what you describe in your OP. I've already said plenty about it elsewhere so I won't go off again here. But it makes me really frustrated and angry.

Finding the old r/GC saved my life. Finding radical feminism saved my life. I had no idea how to value myself as a human being before that. I had very little idea of how to respect and value other women, also. It's so disappointing and disgusting to see other radical feminists treat us this way. They of all people should know better, according to their own ideology.

[–] naiiad-bee 3 points Edited

I'm a detransitioner (3 years on testosterone but started at a really young age) that realized what was happening just before getting top surgery (or at least, entering the waiting list), but I've never experienced anything like this, or even seen it. Where does it occur? I'm sorry that's been happening though, the closest I've seen is people saying that we've "ruined" our bodies but honestly that just makes me laugh, and I don't get offended because it's true in the way they mean it.

I've irreversibly changed aspects of my body that I will never get back, and I could suffer extreme health consequences throughout my life, particularly in old age, that we don't even know yet.

But like i said, it also makes me laugh because, I believe that i'm exactly where I'm supposed to be in life at any given moment. That everything i've done, including my massive, massive mistakes and bad decisions, has happened for a greater reason. That this experience and it's consequences give me a perspective that few other people have, and a story that can and should be used to prevent it, and worse things, from ever happening again.

So I say, live and let live, understand where they're coming from, but speak up and use your voice and your story for good. People won't understand us at first, and maybe not fully ever, but think of it as good practice to put your experience into words, so that you can use it for greater purposes in the future.

All the love and good luck to you!

[+] [Deleted] 1 points