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This might be the wrong circle so let me know. It wasn’t clear to me if this fit here but it seems to.

I’m not a huge gamer but sometimes I play. I’ve noticed that in co-op games sometimes people I play with ignore my questions or comments. Sometimes these are vital pieces of information that are time-sensitive to the game. I will warn someone: “Hey, watch out for that!” Then a few seconds later they will say “Hey look at [same thing]” as if I didn’t talk.

They also can be extremely dismissive and say things like “huh?” or “I don’t know” when they definitely do know or definitely did hear what I said and understand the question. I’ve done my own research on basic game mechanics, but some things require experience to understand that I don’t have. It’s not like I’m being lazy. Also since these are co-op games you’d think they’d want me to be able to function as well as they do and share knowledge. With other groups I have not found this to be an issue.

By the way, I don’t ask questions during high-stakes fast-paced periods of gameplay. Just during downtime when we are literally SUPPOSED to be collaborating and speaking.

I’ve had some people claim they “can’t hear me” but when I have a nice mic, all my volumes turned up, and this isn’t an issue when they’re asking ME something, I suspect that may be an excuse.

By the way this is other people inviting me to play. Although I’ve also had recurring problems of people inviting me to play and then flaking to play with someone else instead (the same game) or inviting me, having me wait ages for them to finish a game they’re in, and then immediately “having to go” after (adults).

I am not a good player so I understand if others don’t want to play with me. Why are they inviting me then? It’s annoying. I’d prefer they just didn’t invite me.

This seems like anti-social behavior to me, but maybe in the male-dominated world of gaming this is just the norm.

This is also out-of-character for these people, who I know IRL and are usually very polite then. I am thinking maybe I will stop gaming with them since this is rubbing me the wrong way.

This might be the wrong circle so let me know. It wasn’t clear to me if this fit here but it seems to. I’m not a huge gamer but sometimes I play. I’ve noticed that in co-op games sometimes people I play with ignore my questions or comments. Sometimes these are vital pieces of information that are time-sensitive to the game. I will warn someone: “Hey, watch out for that!” Then a few seconds later they will say “Hey look at [same thing]” as if I didn’t talk. They also can be extremely dismissive and say things like “huh?” or “I don’t know” when they definitely do know or definitely did hear what I said and understand the question. I’ve done my own research on basic game mechanics, but some things require experience to understand that I don’t have. It’s not like I’m being lazy. Also since these are co-op games you’d think they’d want me to be able to function as well as they do and share knowledge. With other groups I have not found this to be an issue. By the way, I don’t ask questions during high-stakes fast-paced periods of gameplay. Just during downtime when we are literally SUPPOSED to be collaborating and speaking. I’ve had some people claim they “can’t hear me” but when I have a nice mic, all my volumes turned up, and this isn’t an issue when they’re asking ME something, I suspect that may be an excuse. By the way this is other people inviting me to play. Although I’ve also had recurring problems of people inviting me to play and then flaking to play with someone else instead (the same game) or inviting me, having me wait ages for them to finish a game they’re in, and then immediately “having to go” after (adults). I am not a good player so I understand if others don’t want to play with me. Why are they inviting me then? It’s annoying. I’d prefer they just didn’t invite me. This seems like anti-social behavior to me, but maybe in the male-dominated world of gaming this is just the norm. This is also out-of-character for these people, who I know IRL and are usually very polite then. I am thinking maybe I will stop gaming with them since this is rubbing me the wrong way.

6 comments

This is why I exclusively play multiplayer with people I know or friends-of-friends. There's some accountability as to behavior, though we sometimes do get some who are abrasive still.

Depending on the game, I wouldn't be too surprised if you were playing with strangers. But yeah, I think it's kind of shitty considering they're people you know, who invited you to play. I have a couple of IRL friends that are perfectly nice people, but awful to game with because they are impatient and too competitive.

For the first instance theyre likely just distracted by something. For the second they're trying to understand what you're saying (wanting you to rephrase it) or wanting you to repeat it for clarity or so they can pay more attention. Third situation is just being annoying

It's definitely unusual, but it depends on the people. I have a thick accent but never really need to repeat myself more than once when gaming with pals.

I am thinking maybe I will stop gaming with them since this is rubbing me the wrong way.

Definitely worth thinking about. Gaming is meant to be fun, not stressful. I have found that some of my friends who are perfectly nice in every other interaction become rude and inconsiderate when we game together. For example, when questing in MMOs, running ahead without waiting for me to finish the quest, leaving me behind, and killing bosses without me. No amount of calling for consideration changes the behaviour. Fortunately, I do have a lovely friend to play games with who would never do that, so I know who I am going to stick with.

God this sounds so familiar. I’ve pretty much made up my mind to excise gaming from these friendships. It isn’t fun and it kinda killed my whole mood when it happened today. Who has time to feel bad over a dumb game when we should all be relaxing and having fun?