This is long overdue and I have been debating even responding at all or making an account on here-- but I do thabk you all for the kind words and advice. It's been a complicated time for me, so I appreciate it.

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I hope I didn't offend you by posting this here and if I did I am sorry. I honestly regretted it after posting but I didn't delete it. If you want me to now I will. I hope times get better moving forward

[–] MissBehaved 17 points Edited

Hey reddit user throwawayawayway88, we welcome you here. As a PharmD I want to say that I hope you'll discontinue the testosterone for your health's sake, regardless of how you choose to identify now or in the future. It is extremely bad for your health as a female person. You haven't been on it very long, and I know you say you want the voice effect, but the danger it poses to your organs should not be taken lightly. You can be androgynous without exogenous hormone use.

One of my favourite androgynous women was Stormé deLarverie. Check her out on Wikipedia if you want some inspiration that doesn't involve T.


Female person? say woman. Female adult human being. or go the Preddit way Menstruators, bleeders, and breeders.

[–] Brans93 21 points Edited

:/ achieving androgyny to "confuse others"? I really hope this person comes to the idea that she doesnt owe anyone anything, and it's an injustice to herself to do anything to her body for other people's sake. That just struck me as weird, to alter your body in order to confuse people?

The young generation is very obsessed with self-image and how others perceive them. It's a social media generation.

They need to learn how not to care.

As a form of camouflage, maybe?

Men less likely to target/harass her if theres the slim possibility of her being a 'another' male

I can kind of understand this. It has always bothered me that people could be making assumptions about me based on my appearance - any assumptions at all. Nobody's "inside" matches their "outside" because the internal experience of being a human being is just utterly incommensurate with the experience of looking at a human being. Mostly I just don't think about this, because it's just a weird little ontological neurosis of mine, but if I allow myself to get caught up in it it leads to a vague wish that I was invisible. I can see how it might lead someone else- especially a young person in the current gender-obsessed culture -to wish that she was confusing: ie, that people don't know what kind of snap judgements to make about her.

[–] Brans93 1 points Edited

I agree that the gender obsessed culture is the culprit, and I think it's a symptom of being terminally online. Some of these kids have had tablets in their faces since before they can remember. All they see are the perfectly cultivated of feeds that make it look like everyone else has it all figured out, and that probably makes them feel like they're the only ones struggling.

And on social media, its all about how you look, your "brand". I've never seen people so obsessed with themselves before. I was in college when Snapchat first came out and I could not get why it was so popular. Most people were using it to have text conversations but they just took like weird selfies and had the text over them? I never used it, and I never used Instagram. I hated pictures of myself, the last thing I wanted was to send a million selfies to people just to have conversations.

Nobody's "inside" matches their "outside"

I think this is a concept young people no longer understand is a universal state of being. They all think it's just them, and they're confronted daily with ads and stories about how everything about yourself you can change to exactly how you want it.

The whole concept of a "personal brand" makes me want to burn everything down. Capitalism wasn't satisfied by alienating us from the products of our labor when that product is an external object; no, now we ourselves are expected to be a product up for sale at all times. It's no wonder people who defend prostitution claim that everyone "sells their body" when they engage in labor.

[–] MissBehaved 8 points Edited

She's still very young. I hope she will eventually come to that conclusion. At 19, so much of how I viewed myself was based on how I wanted to make/convince others to view me. My (adoptive) mother was a model and I think it really carried over into my sense of self, in not-so-good ways. I grew out of it in my mid-twenties, and definitely reading about radical feminism helped me do it. There was a time I thought about all the surgeries I wished I could buy to be how I wanted to look. Wanting those things to 'achieve androgyny' is a similar goal in my view. Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise that I was broke 😂

I grew out of it by mid twenties also. I think it has a lot to do with brain maturity TBH. Teens and young adults can't think logically the way older adults do. They think emotionally. You get older and realize there is no logical reason to care. But when you are young, you feel so much a need to fit in or be special or be popular, etc., that it can be overwhelming and drive you to do really stupid things just to feel emotionally better somehow.

I felt the exact same way when I read that. Why would you compromise your health and do changes to your body just to "confuse" others? If anything, you should do it for yourself, not for others. I found it off putting as well.

I just saw that she was 19...that generation has some really odd views.

Every one of the detrans stories I read touches me so deeply. From those who have spent years on hormones, done lots of surgery, are suffering hugely to those who haven't started any of that but have spent months agonising over their identity and messing up their mental health.

If you are here please know that you are welcome amd unjudged in this space.

What’s the interest in having a larger clitoris about? I’ve never heard of this before. Have young women gone from worrying about pubic hair to worrying what their clitoris looks like? Does anyone know why, and why is a larger clitoris considered better?

Also hi to the poster if you see this. Comment above not meant as a criticism - just an aspect I’ve not heard mentioned before and looking to understand.

[–] MissBehaved 5 points Edited

I assumed it was due to the similarity in appearance to a tiny penis? I don't know though. Honestly, just like the hair thing the trend might be related to porn.

Some people believe that a larger clitoris enables them to feel more pleasure then someone with a smaller clitoris

[–] WholeGrain Archive It All 9 points

If you're a woman, a transman or an AFAB non-binary person, essentially an adult human female, then you are more than welcome here. A lot of us here have strong opinions, because we know we are among other women who will listen, but you too are allowed to speak your mind openly.

[–] femmefem 12 points Edited

Hey if you see this thread. I think you're amazing and I want you to write about all the incredible things you do with your life. I don't want the dangers and complications of HRT to take those away from you. Be safe and do what you can to be happy in the long run - and not just right now. Good luck.

Yes! You would be so welcome. I respect whatever choice you ultimately end up making, even though I hope we might be able to convince you to stay as you are instead of this unwinnable race to match the idea of what you should look like that lives in your head.