I (29F) told an overly attached friend (21MtF) that I needed some space. She is not giving me space.

(she’s lesbian, I’ve mentioned several times I’m straight)

So she's being harassed by a straight male. It's astonishing how she's been "reprogrammed" to accept this behaviour just because he says he's a woman.

[+] [Deleted] 34 points

[–] VestalVirgin 12 points

I hope she has enough sanity left to not mention his behaviour when talking about, you know, actual lesbians, the female kind.

[–] meranii 9 points

She sounds very naive, but she also wrote she's dealing with depression and covid fatigue herself. And sounds lonely as well.

All in all a perfect victim for a highly manipulative and boundary-stomping TiM, I do feel bad for her even if she is deluded into thinking of this creepazoid male as a "she".

[–] Luckystar 6 points

Peer pressure can be a horrible thing :( It took me a solid year or so to fully peak because I live in a blue urban coastal bubble and the cognitive dissonance was terrible. Though ultimately yes it was an entitled straight white man who kickstarted my peaking process lol

[–] AdultHumanFemale 68 points

If only trans people were prescribed therapy and not transition.

[–] [Deleted] 45 points

I'm appalled at the sheer amount of AGPs sprouting everywhere like some creepy fungus. They already outnumber lesbians so now they're just openly going for straight women. I'm curious what the justification will be because if a straight woman is into a TIM, doesn't that mean he's a man? I guess they'll force the straight women to call themselves pan or whatever stupid made up sexualities they currently have.

I'm straight af but TIMs make me recoil. I love gender bending and men experimenting with looks other than Tshirt and cargo shorts, but TIMs are just the biggest turnoff. I mean you're trying to imitate my sex, badly, and everything you know about my sex is so clearly taken from porn ie the thoughts of straight men. And they always have the worst hygiene too, long but oily and crusty hair and you'll be lucky when they shower every once in a while.

A lot of them would have a genuine chance at a good happy productive life, if they had just the most minimal self control to handle their fetish and tackle their porn addiction. But no, why do all that work when you can just coooom all day and then hate some women and hey! , it's state sanctioned!

Phew didn't see that rant coming but here it is

[–] Sadeyedlady 39 points

I’m bisexual and would never date a TIM (or TIF for that matter). I think Magdalen Berns said it best when she said, “they believe in a god that I do not worship.”

[–] RighteousIndignation 19 points

I am also straight and I agree, its the faking being a woman that gets me, I have no trouble with men who want to wear skirts and make up I honestly don't know why they police themselves so much to tell each other they can't when fashion wise we women have far more freedoms.

but the hair flicks, the school girl giggles, the put on air head style of talking, it all stands out as blatantly insulting and mocking.

[–] [Deleted] 11 points

Men do this to themselves because they crave the approval of other men. Most women don't mind it but they don't care what we think, they only care if other men respect them. Then they complain they can't dress up or show emotions because of de wiminz.

[–] OwnLyingEyes 17 points

I'm curious what the justification will be because if a straight woman is into a TIM, doesn't that mean he's a man?

Think it's the usual men thinking women's sexualities aren't real or don't count.

[–] [Deleted] 23 points

Lmao i have literally seen TIMs say in the same breath that lesbians dating TIFs is EVIL AND TRANSPHOBIC and without skipping a beat saying that straight women who leave their AGP husbands are EVIL AND TRANSPHOBIC

pick a fucking lane homeboy!

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[–] CacaoGudem 9 points

I have heard so many times from LGBTQ+ people that 'everyone is a little gay', 'women are all kind of bisexual', etc. The difference is some of us may fantasize about it, but not be interested in dating other women. So if a straight women dates a TIM, that's just her realizing her bisexual tendencies, according to them.

[–] TheExorcistofLies 4 points

I’m straight and would never. They’re narcissistic and abusive most always, and they have a “faith” I can’t relate to at all. At the very least, the relationship would be all about them and very one sided, my role being a dispensary of validation, carefully walking on eggshells so as to not offend them. I mean Christ, some TIMs get triggered and “dysphoric” at their GFs just having their periods as if she can do anything about that. No thanks.

[–] Tiramisuomi 4 points

Edited

Fun fact: if a male is narcissistic or abusive, therapy tends to make him worse instead of better. Because everything is already about him and his feelings, when the real work needs to be on giving half the same fucks about the feelings of those who are not him.

Wouldn't be surprised if it also applies to AGPs/TIMs.

[–] mrsmeyers 64 points

Edited

I hope she's careful. I've been stalked by this subset of creepy males before because I made the mistake of befriending them. They're really good at manipulating female pity and empathy to get you to overlook the warning sirens in the back of your head.

Bet he cries a lot. He's used to that working on mommy/any woman unfortunate enough to have befriended him.

[–] Cnemidophorus 33 points

It is a humongous red flag when a man leads with a sob story. I have never met a man who does this early on and doesn’t turn around later to try to use it as a manipulation tactic.

Also, can’t say I endorse this method but I had several instances where guys stated they would end their life if I didn’t (fill in the blank) when I was younger and gave more men the benefit of the doubt. I always responded with some version of “okay, go ahead then.” Shockingly so far not a single one of those men is dead yet many years later as far as I am aware.

[+] [Deleted] 27 points

[–] VestalVirgin 19 points

Calling the police is always a good response to manipulative suicide threats. They won't try and pull this shit again after police took them to a clinic for safekeeping once.

Plus, even if police just takes a look at them and decides the suicide threat was a lie, there'll be some more people who know they're lying. Always good.

[–] TheExorcistofLies 12 points

I’m heartless too, I would 100% say “good, DO IT then”. Because 99.99999% of the time it’s bullshit manipulation. And for the infinitesimal percentage it’s not, just call emergency services for them and then block their number.

[–] Stealthygal 4 points

I had a lover who opened early with bad things about himself, clearly so he could later if needed say "but you KNEW I was an alcoholic"

[–] puppy_cat 11 points

Ain't that the truth. I have also known at least several men like this, and they all threaten suicide (like she said this one does) if you don't respond to them fast enough, too. I'm so glad I cut out these men from my life, but they can become truly dangerous.

[–] Carrots90 31 points

Sounds like my abusive ex boyfriend

I’ll bet a lot of women can say this

[–] Radical_Phoenix 27 points

This is so much work when you could just block. This guy is a creep. He's hoping for an abusive sympathy relationship. Or he wants to wear her skin.

[–] delicate_silicate 8 points

I'm wondering if he copies her style and she doesn't even realize it. I would bet good money on it.

[–] Radical_Phoenix 4 points

Oh me too. Probably run into him in a few months and he'll be dressed like her using her name.

[–] Taxidermy 20 points

Edited

Unfortunately you can't fix situations like this by asking for space or boundaries. Even if you manage to type up a message that actually makes them see past themselves long enough to understand you, it'll only last until the next time you're "affectionate" or helpful and their mind will revert back to a point before that conversation ever happened.

I was being overwhelmed like this by multiple people who actually did hurt themselves and/or end up in jail whenever I pushed back, it ended with me being hospitalized twice and now facing a long mental and physical recovery. Everyone knows about that and it's still not enough to get people off of my back. They do not care because they cannot care, they are mentally incapable of understanding what they're doing to you.

[–] RighteousIndignation 7 points

I got latched onto by a BPD online whom I stupidly gave my phone number, I ended up disconnecting the phone and saying online it was broken because they kept calling me up drunk at 2am to talk about video games.

[–] Taxidermy 5 points

Absolutely hate late night drunken phone calls. I kept my number and muted a lot of people on my phone so that I can still see when they try to contact me again (every few months like clockwork) that way I know to watch my back. Now I use a free text app and give out that number instead.

[–] intervention 20 points

"A week after this she confided in me that she didn’t have intentions to come back from that walk, implying she was going to kill herself."

This incident alone is reason enough to cut ties and run

This is either a suicidal individual, or a deeply manipulative prick (no matter what sex, gender etc.).

If a) even when a close family member, beloved partner or long-time friend pulls something like this, they need professional help urgently which cannot be provided by their partner/friend/relative.

If b) please practice self-care and walk away, you don't owe them anything.

[–] Luske 19 points

Time to call off the friendship, cut all ties, and if she's truely afraid he will commit suicide (or just for her own peace of mind) call the parents and/or police and tell this guy's threatenes suicide and needs someone to check in on him. If she doesn't cut all ties now it will only get worse.

[–] OwnLyingEyes 14 points

This. This is the answer. If someone's genuinely suicidal, that's wellness check territory, and if not, it's amazing how quickly they switch off threatening it when you bring that up instead of it working to keep you on the hook.

[–] Luske 7 points

Yep... Problem is that a lot of women learn this through bitter experience, like this woman is probably about to :( and these men just know how to sniff out the inexperienced women with lots of empathy... I hope she reaches a good conclusion before he does more damage.

[–] vulvapeople 5 points

I guess it's good people have often misrepresented my quiet shyness as haughtiness, because men have never tried to pull this with me, even though, when young, I was a sitting duck for this kind of manipulation.

[–] 17throwaways17 [OP] 16 points

Edited

Codependency, trauma dumping, mental illness, obsessing over one woman... It's like a formula at this point

[–] Korok 👹 problem? 9 points

WOMEN ARE SO CLINGY AND EMOTIONAL AMIRITE?

/s unnecessary

[–] OwnLyingEyes 8 points

Meanwhile, on r/BPD, this dude is gushing about his 'favorite person' and how ragey and panicky he gets when she doesn't text back immediately...

[–] 17throwaways17 [OP] 3 points

omg really?

[–] OwnLyingEyes 4 points

Sorry, I was being tongue in cheek. It's just a pretty constant post topic over there, this exact obsessive, clingy, invasive behavior but put through a lens of people trying to make it sound 'quirky' and cute.

I (29F) told an overly attached friend (21MtF) that I needed some space. She is not giving me space.

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