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I'm always seeing these posts that are like, "Should I come out during Thanksgiving?"

"Should I come out during my sister's baby shower?"

"Should I come out during my grandmother's wake?"

Me me me me me me.

I’ve read loads of these, and they always seem to want to turn every special occasion into a “me me me” session. I’ve seen them try to ruin weddings, engagements, birthdays, baby announcements, by making it all about how they have to be accommodated. And it’s always a TIM, not a TIF.

One of the choice comments that I pray are fakers:

Both of my children are trans and when family have been told it's pretty much just been 'oh ok' and that's it. My dad had a few questions and my ex-mother in-law doesn't quite get it, she does try but she's very old, it's just a slight change in language and different names on birthday cards best way to go really.

Both kids are trans. But its totally not a fad or social contagion!!!

Like, how horrible are these family members going to feel when they find out they spent a week deadnaming and misgendering her??

....

I would be devastated if I had done that to a child. Even not knowing, the guilt after would eat me alive knowing they were there and in pain the whole time.

Yes. How horrible to call this boy by the name they've been using for over a decade! They will NEVER live down the guilt!!!! 😭

The family were More like “oh, ok, last year they wanted to be a dinosaur, so we had to pretend they were a stegosaurus for a few months” 🙄

"in pain"

They make it sound like they're telling this kid to take a hike on a broken leg or something, not to shake it off and stop wearing fishnets around grandma, FFS.

Not letting your son wear his slutty anime girl costume at grandma's house is LITERAL VIOLENCE!!!

They're in a no-win situation with him--there's no way he's not going to suck up all the air in the room no matter what (he's 17, and male, of course he will). If it were me I'd suggest that he not join them, and maybe they can have a pleasant relaxing break.

[–] derbear 27 points Edited

Heaven forbid this person wants a relaxing vacation. Presumably saved up time and money. Shoveled thousands into tickets and hotels. As always, the main character needs to make everything about him, so the family’s sacrifices to have the time together means nothing to him. The big pronouncement will invariably freak out someone, which subsequently “triggers” the TIM. Cue the self-harm or suicide threat… and the hospital trip.

Edit- TIM

It will be drama and hysterics the entire time no matter how well the family receives the news of his transition. Any family member not ready to throw a weeklong party for him is a violent oppressor that doesn't support him. He will manufacture slights and reasons to meltdown. Mom knows this and just wants to press pause to enjoy some normalcy before everything blows up.

Kid is gonna come out when he wants to, it isn’t something you can control

[–] Genevieve 15 points Edited

My daughter (F17) is transgender

FFS, if you have a trans identified male that calls himself a girl, he's not a female. It adds more to the performance to add that (F17), but it makes it an even bigger lie. Your son is a male, not a 17 year old female. Otherwise, he wouldn't be trans and this conversation would not be happening.

I get angrier at stupid adults than I do at the deluded kids.

Anyway, this parent seems to at least be aware that the whole trans thing would be forced to forefront of their vacation and inescapable.

ETA this comment:

Right? It's a big deal that OP's daughter has discovered her gender identity. There should be a week-long party! I'm getting closer to believing OP is the AH.

Um, why? A week-long party because a boy wants to present as a girl? This is one of the dumbest comments I've ever read. Celebrating transes for nothing other than being trans. SO corny and narcissistic.

It adds more to the performance to add that (F17), but it makes it an even bigger lie.

I don't browse AITA all that often but from what I've seen people would typically put MTF instead of F there, especially when the individual being trans is relevant like in this case. It definitely feels like overcompensation here because OP knew they'd get torn to pieces by the TRAs on Reddit.

Exactly. It's so transparent.

Ha. Transparent. Trans-parent. It's the little things...

[–] spw 7 points

Tbf his parents do sound like assholes. It does sound like they are embarrassed about having a son who likes girl things and are simultaneously affirming him and making him feel like his feelings are wrong and so confusing him and making his mental health problems even worse. Its like even worse than just affirming him almost. He's obviously a bigger asshole and he's probably agp so maybe they are right to be embarrassed. But if he was not an agp and still a TiM I think they would be the same

These parents are likely not assholes. They are doing what medical professionals and teachers and social workers advise people to do! No one in the mainstream is telling parents how to manage these situations with real therapy and cool down periods. Its all "Trans your kid now or he will kill himself next week! Not validating his identity the second he faps in his sisters underwear is abuse!!! You don't want to murder your new daughter do you?!?" Most parents have no idea where to start to find arguments and alternatives to the trans agenda and are put into terrible, no-win situations.

[–] RisingUp 22 points Edited

I think embarrassment is a correct response to having a TIM son (which is a very different matter from having a son who “likes girly things”) but I’m not getting that from the post so much as “ugh please can we just have a holiday without him yammering on about his gender the entire time?”

They should just leave him behind but maybe he’s not responsible enough.

“ugh please can we just have a holiday without him yammering on about his gender the entire time?”

This is the impression I got as well

It always grates on me the way people always make a point of saying "your daughter/son" in these cases. It's so performative. Irl almost everyone I know refers to their kid as "my child" or kid or by their name. I mostly say "people" without specifying sex and have done my whole life.

I imagine their son makes everything about how special he thinks he is and the parents just want one week without his being trans dominating every conversation.

They should be asking why their son feels this way, not just letting him do as he pleases.

I would say quite a lot of families are supportive but also inwardly thinking "well you've decided you're a lady and it's not a phase mom now, but you're also 17, so maybe we won't make a huge fuss in case you change your mind later".

I can see that yeah, just feels so crazy how many families just instantly bend to this kind of thing

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