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18 comments

[–] disco_metal 4 points Edited

I did find some comments I like, regarding "they must be gay" and "queerplatonic" relationships. (I think I did a post about that once speculating about the origins of it.)

I low-key hate this trend of erasing deep friendships because "they must be gay!" It feels like a regression to people making fun of two guy friends who hug or show any affection at all and say they must be gay. Even if the intonation is a positive one for being gay, it still reinforces the idea that two straight same-gender people cannot be friends or show deep affection. And then we wonder why men are so emotionally stunted? Could it be because any time they have true and deep friendships with other men, they get told they must be gay, regardless of if that label is considered good or bad? Let people be friends. An old lady who never married or had kids could be gay, sure, but she also could have been rejected by her peers for wanting an education or being too progressive or wanting a career or being child free. And because of that she has to die alone? She can't find a woman in a similar spot and find companionship in that way? It makes me sad that societally we seem to have gone completely full circle to not letting straight people show affection without getting labeled as gay. And we wonder why people have a hard time forming deep lasting meaningful relationships outside a romantic one...

THIS, look I know queer representation is important as much as the next person and it's nice when it happens but you know what I hate? The banalization of relationships When the slightest interaction is framed as "OMG relationship" it builds the idea of relationships based on very shallow standards, for one I think many relationships go wrong because they come up too quickly or don't have enough depth yet to be established I hate this kinda stuff for straight couples and even more for queer because what I want the most is for queer couples to be stable and happy, not only because.. well it's nice to be happy, but also to end this stupid stereotype that says gay people are hypersexual/promiscuous/whatever shit it is Yes people can go out just for sex I'm not against that, what bums me is apparently there's no friendships anymore, and that is one if not the most important thing to have if one's looking for a partner in life. It takes time, patience and a LOT of understanding to be with someone not just "hehe now they're dating" I know, I know, there's also all the straight couple pictures and all people assume naturally they're a couple so why not lesbians, which I think is all fun and nice, but I'll just point up to my first paragraph

And then someone says

Queerplatonic relationships exist, yes. They're still Queer relationships.

Followed by

...........so same-sex friendships? Every BFF who room together in college are in a queer relationship?

And somebody makes the connection I did

I think both are true at the same time. given the context of what older people went through (and what we are going through now tbh), it's very understandable for plenty of queer people to not be out. safety first. at the same time, this whole "putting romantic/sexual relationships first" thing ("amatonormativity" is the word I believe?) is hot garbage. and we all suffer for it.

Yep, it's amatonormativity, or in other words, society and culture valueing romantic relationships over all others, valuing romantic love over other types of love, etc. It leads people to assume that if a relationship is intense/strong and relatively stable, it's romantic, or that at some point a friendship can no longer be stronger without crossing over into romance