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i was getting pissed off cos a charity kept advertising me to sign some trans petition so i commented on it and i think this means my fb friends will be able to see. this charity is at the forefront of driving trans lunacy in the UK.

i'm nervous cos i know some of my facebook 'friends' are very pro trans. i'm less concerned about them, none of them are close, but about them potentially turning good friends against me.

how have you guys dealt with any backlash from outing yourself even slightly?

i was getting pissed off cos a charity kept advertising me to sign some trans petition so i commented on it and i think this means my fb friends will be able to see. this charity is at the forefront of driving trans lunacy in the UK. i'm nervous cos i know some of my facebook 'friends' are very pro trans. i'm less concerned about them, none of them are close, but about them potentially turning good friends against me. how have you guys dealt with any backlash from outing yourself even slightly?

31 comments

Watch 'Ash's Conformity Experiment' - a famous experiment that shows the importance of one dissenting voice. Most likely you will have emboldened others to speak out who are also having doubts.

https://youtu.be/TYIh4MkcfJA

wow that is so interesting, thank you.

i massively get the bit they say about feeling warmth towards the other dissenter. i don't know you guys but that's kinda how i feel. we're all doing our little bits to chip away at popular consciousness.

if they just dump you on a whim just because you disagree with them, they're not good friends. If someone badmouths you to them, they should come to you and confirm it with you. If they do, you can explain your stance gently.

Agreed. My old friends go around talking about me saying “it’s so sad she thinks like that because I’ve tried to talk to her about her beliefs” when they never even did they were too cowardly…. They just started hating me .

very true. i'm more concerned about the very pro trans people badmouthing me to the people i consider actual friends. i don't consider anyone remotely sympathetic to TRAs a friend.

i would hope my friends would come to me to resolve it, its just they all live in another city so if it comes up while they're together and i'm not there, i feel like they could get turned against me. my closest friend in that group already knows my stance, but based on a throwaway comment like 8 years ago, so he might not realise how strongly i hold these views or think i've changed them in that time. i have changed them, they've got stronger.

I’ve had TRAs that Live in my town asking my roommates about tweets that I’ve liked…. That’s how insane they are. But yes I’ve outed myself slightly and faced a little bit of backlash and it’s scary but then it’s not as bad as it seems and it made me talk to my friends about it more and I realized I did have a couple people who agreed. But I also had people who dislike me now and talk about how I’m a bitch and a terf. It’s hard and I’m definitely quieter online now because I value my mental stability and peace and that stuff made me paranoid. But honestly just pretending like it doesn’t affect you that much is a good course of action. If you act apologetic or scared they will use that against you to try to “cancel you”. Just be level headed and assert you think everyone deserves respect and don’t understand how what you said was bigoted. I had someone confront me 7 months later because I had posted on tik tok saying non-binary people aren’t oppressed and these people went through my twitter following and saw I follow detransitioners and then they found a comment where someone mentioned autogynephilia and I said “the forbidden word” in a cheeky way and they all decided I was a transphobic bitch. Anyways 7 months later I run into their friend at a bar and he’s coked up and angry and he pulled me away from my friends to tell me I shouldn’t be posting transphobic stuff on tik tok and to stay away from his friends. And I just was calm and acted sort of confused and said yeah I thought all of this has blown over I didn’t mean anything I said to be hateful and I didn’t think it was and I was under the impression that everyone had gotten over this? And he felt really stupid and apologized to me

that is so crazy that they would make judgements based on tweets you've liked. i've had people jumping on me for liking posts in forums but nothing in my actual life, you'd hope people would realise how ridiculous they sound making a bunch of assertions based on the odd like.

well done for keeping your head when that guy was being aggressive towards you. hopefully that won't happen again.

we shouldn't have to be quiet. one day i hope to have the guts to shout this from the rooftops. i even felt nervous talking about it with my therapist like that she would dump me as a client, thankfully she did not, but it shouldn't be like this.

Yeah I got banned from my friends house because his non-binary roommate was mad I said that using they/them pronouns doesn’t make you oppressed. I’ve been nervous to bring it up to my therapist too because he’s very liberal and I think he goes along with all the gender stuff but I don’t really feel the need to talk about it in therapy. I left the town that I was in so I don’t have to see any of those people anymore but I’m moving to Brooklyn so I’m sure everyone is just as bad. I think the tides are turning though.

yeah fair enough, it wouldn't usually be relevant in therapy so hopefully you won't have to bring it up with him. i only brought it up because it was relevant to something we were discussing.

glad you don't have to see those people anymore. i'm sure you'll be able to find decent people in Brooklyn. the tides definitely are turning.

There are some accounts/posts I find on my Instagram that I sometimes wanna comment on, but I then remember that one of my friends follows me, so I get second thoughts on engaging in anything because I don't want him to know. Just sucks you gotta be secretive on your own damn account :(

oh yeah, a now ex friend i had no intention of 'coming out' to told me of an old mutual friend now being a nonbinary (hes straight and wants to wear dresses and make up now, which is whatever but gives me AGP vibes). i said thats great for him but i don't believe, i respect that he does, so respect that i dont. Obviously ending very well :/ a screen shot of the convo is on twitter (started over phone then went to text) hopefully the link will work

https://twitter.com/SharkRedPhone/status/1509487221363163136

how did i deal with it? i got angry and upset then resigned myself to the fact that my ex friend is in a cult that wont allow gender identity ideology atheists'

Good for you for standing up for yourself. It's so clear that people are just refusing to think critically about this.

Oh, yeah - my initial TERF post on Facebook was about the ACLU editing RBG's quote to remove all references specific to women. Then I lost "friends" who chug the woke Kool-Aid after I "insensitively" posted about the fact there are men in women's prisons, but ultimately the trash took itself out because I don't need rape apologists in my life.

I focus more on the real life relationships I have, as social media has become a cesspit and causes me anxiety and distress I very much do not need. All that is to say, I understand your stress but I hope you know you truly don't need anyone in your life who would be so quick to invalidate your feelings or concerns - or lecture you as to what opinions you should hold.

i got off all social media besides this. it's too tempting to impulsively post something when i'm feeling strong emotions. i talk to ppl irl and try to surround myself with people who think for themselves, so i haven't faced any backlash so far. maybe just from my husband who tries to temper my obsessiveness when i find a new special interest 😅

[–] Lilith-Fair 6 points Edited

You can tell FB to stop showing you this ad. I think if you click on the dots on the upper right corner, you can choose the option to stop showing any ad. They'll ask you the reason and give you a selection of choices. Also i don't think your friends can see your comments to a random ad. Check your privacy settings to make sure you have as many unnecessary things limited as possible.

At this point I'm prepared to leave behind friends and organizations for "believing" in basic biology. I may have already lost a few friends, who have perhaps gone low contact with me. It's good to remain polite and formal on a public platform, especially when other people are having public meltdowns.

a college friend got mad at me over some comments in response to his comments on my post re: prostitutes - he told me that I need to listen to trans sex workers and I told him to listen to detransitioners and people who left the sex industry. He got mad and called me names and that I need to quit chasing gay men. I told him he's anti-woman, and threw the rules of misogyny at him. He unfriended me. I blocked him.

He proceeded to dox me on Twitter, but he did not generate any likes on that tweet, LOL.

Told people my full name and place of my employment and made some nonsensical stories about me.

Strangely, I have not lost any friend on my FB even though I did make some GC posts and radfem posts (I posted about many issues that concern us radical feminists, not just about gender identity ideology), and some of my friends are trans themselves or parents of trans kids. Chances are either they are not that active on FB or keeping a closer eye on me even though we all work in same industry and socialize in same community. It is through my FB posts that people do reach out to me in real life and ask me questions. Other people just quietly stop liking any of my posts but still am on their friend list.

Well, someone hacked my account and posted porn on my Facebook account to get me banned..

My cousin is now non binary and that entire side of the family won't talk to me after seeing me TERF out on FB... And I'm not going to back down one bloody bit. I've been proven right about the kids and the Tavistock and I'll be proven right on every thing else in the long term.

Just to comment: my pro tans Uber woke daughter hadn't even heard about the Tavistock being shut down, so the rainbow forums are not really discussing it, I think. Not keen to let the world know about that shit show, I think.

I can sympathize. People who would dump you like this aren't true friends anyway, and you shouldn't care too much about what people who aren't close think about you especially on Facebook. But the reality we live with is that we do care, and we do worry.

We can't hide forever, and who knows! Maybe a friend or two, if it does come to their attention, will be so relieved someone else said it first. I very much doubt that you wrote anything overtly hateful.

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