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It might seem tiny, but I love this little act of rebellion.

I recently started a program (can’t give more info just for anonymity purposes) and in each group, the leaders say, “Okay, so let’s think of an ice breaker question today. What’s your favorite thing about fall? Just list your name, preferred pronouns, and then answer the question. Who would like to go first?”

This is my third group and I’m the only one who has not played the stupid game of mind-numbingly chanting “she/her” or “she/they” like a zombie.

But also... this is fucking crazy — this program is entirely female. Everyone there is female. Everyone. No TIMs (thank GOODNESS).

The first thing I was asked by the intake person in this program (after my name and birth date) was “What are your preferred pronouns?” I said, “Uh...... [a bit shocked because I didn’t expect it] I’m a woman. I’m female. I’ll let you decide. I’m a radical feminist and I think gender ideology is harmful and regressive. By the way, ‘radical’ in ‘radical feminism’ doesn’t mean ‘extreme’; it means...” and I went into a slight tangent, lol. Then later I got an email back from this lady. In her email signature, I saw, “she/they” pronouns after her name, and thought to myself, “omg, now she knows I’m a terven witch 😳” lol.

Who else here has resisted pronoun bullshit and simply ignored the request like I have, or come up with another creative solution? How did it feel? Did anyone challenge you on it or anything?

Props to all y’all resisting this fucking crap!!!!! I can’t believe we are in such a crazy society where not participating in this makes me feel proud... where compelled speech has become the norm.

“Remember, resist. Do not comply.” — Andrea Dworkin

It might seem tiny, but I love this little act of rebellion. I recently started a program (can’t give more info just for anonymity purposes) and in each group, the leaders say, “Okay, so let’s think of an ice breaker question today. What’s your favorite thing about fall? Just list your name, preferred pronouns, and then answer the question. Who would like to go first?” This is my third group and I’m the only one who has not played the stupid game of mind-numbingly chanting “she/her” or “she/they” like a zombie. But also... this is fucking crazy — this program is entirely female. Everyone there is female. Everyone. No TIMs (thank GOODNESS). The first thing I was asked by the intake person in this program (after my name and birth date) was “What are your preferred pronouns?” I said, “Uh...... [a bit shocked because I didn’t expect it] I’m a woman. I’m female. I’ll let you decide. I’m a radical feminist and I think gender ideology is harmful and regressive. By the way, ‘radical’ in ‘radical feminism’ doesn’t mean ‘extreme’; it means...” and I went into a slight tangent, lol. Then later I got an email back from this lady. In her email signature, I saw, “she/they” pronouns after her name, and thought to myself, “omg, now she knows I’m a terven witch 😳” lol. **Who else here has resisted pronoun bullshit and simply ignored the request like I have, or come up with another creative solution?** How did it feel? Did anyone challenge you on it or anything? Props to all y’all resisting this fucking crap!!!!! I can’t believe we are in such a crazy society where not participating in this makes me feel proud... where compelled speech has become the norm. *“Remember, resist. Do not comply.” — Andrea Dworkin*

116 comments

I bet there is one woman in that group who is secretly wishing she is as brave as you. And maybe two more who are now wondering if this whole pronoun thing is a tad overdone.

Someone on my team "helpfully" suggested that we could all add our pronouns to our Zoom names "to show our inclusivity."

Everyone else on the call immediately went to do this. (Yes, it was 100% "she/her.")

I simply did not.

Two days later, half the women who initially complied by adding pronouns have quietly reverted to just showing their names.

Yup, I've had it suggested to me several times. I just don't do it. Oh well.

Aww, that actually is heartening to hear. I hope that over time it will be more normalized for these women to not fall in line with stating pronouns. I hope it encourages at least some of them to skip the pronouns as well eventually.

I do bet a few think the pronoun thing is overdone.

I asked my main contact there about this issue because she was the one who first informed me that every group starts with names and pronouns. And I expressed my concerns & how I wasn’t comfortable with that. She said she runs her groups by saying “state your pronouns if you feel comfortable doing so,” which is a better way of handling it. Unfortunately I haven’t been in her groups yet, only one-on-one sessions. She also told me that the pronoun thing was “new” to their program and they have been doing it only for a while. I wonder what she truly thinks of it.

Surely, not everyone there is 100% on board with this gender crap, right? Ugh, I hope.

It happened on a menopause group I attended online during the pandemic and NO one followed the leader on pronouns. Don't fuck w/ menopausal women is all I can say.

They ask pronouns in a MENOPAUSE group?

Sorry, hon, if you’re in a menopause group you’re a woman. Or a lying and crazy man, in which case see yourself out.

Good on you all for having none of it.

I had to fill out a new patient form at the doctor's recently and it at least had separate areas for "biological sex" (in which male and female were the only options) and "gender identity," which had tick boxes for "Man," "Woman," "Non-binary," and a tick box with a blank line to fill in whatever someone wanted to make up. I didn't tick any of the boxes and wrote underneath "I am not a member of this belief system."

The more ways we can find to demonstrate that this is an imposition of religious belief on people who do not wish to be forcibly converted, the better.

tbh, as this has gone on, I think the trauma from being raised in a strict religious group is a big part of why this movement bothers me so much. I left that religion. I wanted to be free of religion and now a new world religion is forming and you MUST comply or you can risk friends, family, jobs, etc. Its like reliving the trauma and even though Im an adult now and can make my own choices, I cannot avoid this religion.

I was also raised in a strict religious group and the similarities are astonishing. Different dogma, same old orthodoxy.

I didn't tick any of the boxes and wrote underneath "I am not a member of this belief system."

This. This right here. This is one of the reasons I love the women on this site. I love the bluntness.

I’m glad the doctor’s office put that on the form though because many/most trans people lie to new doctors about their biological sex, and it causes health problems (I don’t care about TIMs’ health issues but still do care about TIFs). It would be good if they didn’t put the gender identity part, but... at least they have the common sense to ask for sex so trans people won’t lie. I can totally picture TIMs still saying they’re female though. Hopefully the nurses and docs change that shit in their charts once they see these men 😂

I sometimes facilitate discussions at work on topics like bias and discrimination, and when some course organizers we're explaining their new content and "training the trainers", they wanted us to do that "share your pronouns" thing and I said "no, I don't believe that's helpful to ask, so I'm not going to tell people what pronouns to use for me, nor ask them to share theirs." and left it at that. I got no push back or further questions actually...

Sometimes I think that when you just state it clearly and simply like that, it breaks the spell people are under just a little bit, the spell that says that this is a normal, reasonable, thing to do.

During a group therapy we were all required to go around and say our pronouns. When she got to me I responded with "what the hell do you think?"

And she played dumb with me. "I don't know that, you have to tell me." Goddamn insulting and frustrating.

There was a TIM there too who paid an uncomfortable amount of attention to me as opposed to the others in the room. (Me and the therapist were the only females in the room)

shudders

Creepy. Sorry you had to go through that, ugh.

I firmly believe women need separate group therapy from men. It’s actually been proven in studies that it hurts women’s recovery to have co-ed groups.

I agree. Unfortunately TIMs can smell traumatized women from a mile away and throw a hissy fit in order to get near them. And the asshole therapists actually buy this shit. I will personally not be attending any kind of group therapy for a very long time.

That is so insulting, rude and unprofessional. This was a therapist? Wow. Very disrespectful. Imagine taking that kind of attitude towards a trans. There would be hell to pay.

I wonder if I end up in a similar situation, that I might respond with "I, me, mine," because I don't refer to myself in the third person. I am not royalty, nor do I have a mouse in my pocket, so plural pronouns such as 'they' are just confusing! And what the neck is this she/they thing?

She/they for is women who look like women and act like women but who need you to know they aren’t ~cis~

She/they Is for women with short hair. And if they have short hair AND wear doc martens boots they are "he/they"

Hahaha all the she/theys I know have long hair, it’s the they/shes who wear it short

Ok thanks. Sigh. Another puzzle I have to work through. I think I'm just going to adopt what my German Shepherd does when she is confused... Tilt my head to one side! 🤔

I am not royalty, nor do I have a mouse in my pocket, so plural pronouns such as ’they’ are just confusing

Brilliant 😂🤣

I cannot tell if this is real or not, but this woman teaches you how to use "neopronouns" like frog/frogself

I genuinely legit can't tell if she's trolling or not, that's how bad this is now

I've seen her weird videos before, I think she's 100% serious and is deep into the cult.

"My pronouns are "my/queen" please refer to me as such" ✨

I am writing these down because I am joining a therapy group on monday. I was dreading this question and thought I would just say.

Since you will only use my pronouns when I am not here, and I am joining this group to work through some trauma. I can only quote Anthony Hopkins: "My philosophy is it's none of my business what people say of me and think of me. I am what I am, and I do what I do. I expect nothing and accept everything."

Great quote.

I didn’t think we would use pronouns for each other when I joined this group, but I did find myself saying stuff like, “I agree with what ___ said about how she [insert experience here]...” Otherwise I had been planning a similar speech in my head before joining this group! About how I don’t believe in compelled speech, and that it’s none of my business or care about how others refer to me.

I hope you find the group healing for your trauma. 🙏

ugh I guess you are right. although this is sort of 12 step based so I am hoping they say no cross talk. So you are supposed to say. I identify with what was shared but not point out a specific person.

You can always frame it directly to the person who was speaking: I identify with what you said…etc. rather than referring to them in the third person

With “no cross talk” they just mean no people having a chat in the middle of the session between themselves. I’ve gone to many many 12 step meetings over the years and it was always okay and normal at every single one to say, “I agree with what ___ said, that really resonated with me,” or something similar.

Only come across it twice so far. First time when donating to the Red Cross (last year? The year before? Can't remember) and the nurse doing intake asked for my gender identity. "Are you fucking for real?" was my response. She sighed in agreement and said something about (TRAs) protesting when they only asked for sex. I told her "I am female" and left it at that.

This spring I had to have bloodwork done and the scrip the doctor gave me listed no sex just "gender identity: female". I scribbled it out and wrote "sex" instead. Got no response on that one.

"Are you fucking for real?" was my response. She sighed in agreement

LMFAO I love this. That is SUCH a good response lmao!!!

"gender identity: female". I scribbled it out and wrote "sex" instead.

I’ve done that too on forms. Always feels very satisfying to do so!!

Keep resisting, sister!

If you have the opportunity to go first and omit pronouns, take it. Primacy effect. Then the subsequent speakers will be the ones who have to challenge the established order, not you.

I still haven’t been confronted with that situation yet, thankfully, but I hope when it happens I have the guts to say “No thanks, I’m not religious!”

I'm having trouble with this when it comes to requests for my kids pronouns (they are 13, 9, and 7) - it's come up a few times now when I register them for activities. I refuse to answer, so long as that is an option, but sometimes it is online registration and the field is required - if it's a write in field, I write "Child is male" or "Child is female"; if I have a drop down situation with choices and there is no option for "Prefer not to answer" I have to answer, haven't figured out a way around that one yet. I tried typing "No" once, and that worked also, though I got the stink eye from the drama teacher after that.

I'm currently embroiled in a rather pathetic situation with a co-op program my kids participate in - they list each kids pronouns next to their names on the sign-in/sign-out program we use. I elected not to answer the pronoun question back when I registered them, the staff asked me why not, so I said we don't have any pronoun demands, so I don't think the question applies to us. They responded "Okay, fine" but then added the pronouns to each kids profile. I deleted the pronouns, and they put them back, so I deleted them again, and so we dance.......

We've been at this place for several years and my kids and I love it, so I'm willing to give them some latitude on this. The pronoun thing is new this year, driven by the new check- in software that asks for it, so I'm probably going to drop it for now, until they ask us for feedback at the end of the session.

I’ve probably ignored the pronoun question on forms for my kids about 30 time in the last year. A couple of times it’s been required, and I’ve written “none.” Ha! Allergies? None. Medication? None. Pronouns? None. A lot of times, the people running the activities, etc. are younger than I am, and I assume that they think that I just don’t get it or something.

In person, though, I think my new answer is going to be that I don’t have any pronoun demands. I love that - thanks!

I like that wording as well. It highlights the narcissism surrounding the whole stupid practice while remaining professional. It's giving me "bless your heart" vibes

lol, I was about to suggest "none". If they push back on it, ironically go TRA on them and say it's not your job to educate them. I'm pretty sure that left to their own devices, they'll come up with suitable pronouns if you supply none 😇

I tried typing "No" once, and that worked also, though I got the stink eye from the drama teacher after that.

🤣🤣🤣

Don't leave your children alone with anyone who insists on knowing their "pronouns."

Great resisting. I can't believe they do this to children. It hasn't gone that far where I live (UK city).

Seriously though. Such a tiny % of the population demanding we all play this stupid, insulting, damaging game with our children FFS.

I'm in an all-women therapy group (thankfully no infiltration by TiMs, yet...), and every time we have a new member, the therapists ask us to "say our names, interests, pronouns". I'm the only one who doesn't say pronouns or my "gender identity". Even more stupid is that it's literally a group for only women. I don't know why they ask us that stupid shit. At least they haven't gone after me for not participating in that specific question.

Glad we are similar! Nice to know someone is going through the same thing.

Btw I wish you the best in therapy. I hope it helps with whatever you’re going through and is healing. <3

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