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Title.

Abusive men love to use them. I'm sure that somewhere in the spiel about how badly abused he was by her, it's that she literally tried to kill him by continuing to do/refuse to do the thing that he told her he wanted her to do/stop doing or else he would kill himself.

I'm fucking sick of abusive male tactics forcing women into silence. I hate that manipulative suicide threats are working to make people believe that words and radical feminism represent actual, literal violence. It always comes down to suicides when someone really locks them down and asks what exactly they mean when trans lives are at stake. It's never about actual murders, committed overwhelmingly by men. It's always about how we can't even talk about this or they will kill themselves.

Title. Abusive men love to use them. I'm sure that somewhere in the spiel about how badly abused *he* was by *her*, it's that she literally tried to kill him by continuing to do/refuse to do the thing that he told her he wanted her to do/stop doing or else he would kill himself. I'm fucking sick of abusive male tactics forcing women into silence. I hate that manipulative suicide threats are working to make people believe that words and radical feminism represent actual, literal violence. It always comes down to suicides when someone really locks them down and asks what exactly they mean when trans lives are at stake. It's never about actual murders, committed overwhelmingly by men. It's always about how we can't even talk about this or they will kill themselves.

68 comments

Exactly this.

There is, of course, wide variation. But my therapist friend (PsyD, if that matters - she says it’s a different worldview than MDs) said the ones she worries about are the ones who seem brittle and force a smile and insist they’re fine. When clients disclose suicidal thoughts, or tell her they don’t see a point in living because they’re hurting too much, it’s an emergency - but people who say those things are still reaching out for help, and that means that at least part of the wants help, and they give her a way in. A lot of people who are very high risk of killing themselves actually don’t want help, so go to great lengths not to ask for it nor let people see their pain.

I also know people who were intensely suicidal, and one thing that pulled them back was some variation of “I knew my mother/child/best friend would blame herself forever for not being able to help me and I don’t want to do that to her,” so I’m particularly grossed out by people who almost certainly are not suicidal but want to inflict that level of guilt on people to manipulate them.

[–] SecondSkin 12 points Edited

ASIST training (suicide prevention) says that most of the time people do say something. But that it’s normally a less direct hint or clue, like saying they don’t think they can go on like this, or similar. Like a cry for help. A way of hoping that someone will realise and ask directly if they feel suicidal. (Then there’s a direct plan to go through to address it, which helps a lot to fall back on. Both for genuine cases and for those who threaten suicide, because they get bored easily if they get asked the same routine of questions if they are just trying to manipulate). It used to be assumed that if people really want to kill themselves they don’t tell people, or pretend they don’t want to. But it’s now recognised that this isn’t at all likely given the mental state of most suicidal people.