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Title.

Abusive men love to use them. I'm sure that somewhere in the spiel about how badly abused he was by her, it's that she literally tried to kill him by continuing to do/refuse to do the thing that he told her he wanted her to do/stop doing or else he would kill himself.

I'm fucking sick of abusive male tactics forcing women into silence. I hate that manipulative suicide threats are working to make people believe that words and radical feminism represent actual, literal violence. It always comes down to suicides when someone really locks them down and asks what exactly they mean when trans lives are at stake. It's never about actual murders, committed overwhelmingly by men. It's always about how we can't even talk about this or they will kill themselves.

Title. Abusive men love to use them. I'm sure that somewhere in the spiel about how badly abused *he* was by *her*, it's that she literally tried to kill him by continuing to do/refuse to do the thing that he told her he wanted her to do/stop doing or else he would kill himself. I'm fucking sick of abusive male tactics forcing women into silence. I hate that manipulative suicide threats are working to make people believe that words and radical feminism represent actual, literal violence. It always comes down to suicides when someone really locks them down and asks what exactly they mean when trans lives are at stake. It's never about actual murders, committed overwhelmingly by men. It's always about how we can't even talk about this or they will kill themselves.

68 comments

"You're suicidal? Okay, that's a medical emergency. I will take you to the ER at once. You'll have all of your personal items taken from you, you'll probably be strip searched and watched while you use the bathroom. Then you'll be locked up for at least five days. Okay, ready to go?"

Those of you who have also been hospitalized for this reason know how it is.

Yep. It is awful and dehumanizing (especially when you're a weak, small, sexually abused 18-year-old-girl and there are men in the ward). Other mentally ill friends have told me "I'd never go to the psych ward/mental hospital" but I had no choice due to my suicide attempts. The only bright sparks were talking to other people and realizing I was not alone and could be understood.

I am confident more people would stop threatening to kill themselves if they actually went. :)

I've never been through this but honestly if I was suicidal this is the reason I would never tell someone. That sounds horrible. Wouldn't that kind of treatment make someone even more suicidal?

Yeah, it is ... kinda horrible when dealing with really suicidal people. Especially with women.

But sounds like the right way to handle abusive men who threaten suicide as part of their abuse.

the constant threat of hospitalization is why I don't ever feel safe discussing nearly anything with my parents

"oh, you want to die because you have little to no freedom in your life? let's make that even worse in the name of 'helping'"

Most parents aren’t psych professionals though.

If they didn’t take a child with a broken leg to a & e they would be negligent. Mh life or death crisis isn’t any different. Parents often won’t know what to do for the best and can’t help that mh emergency services are so poor.

I'd never dream of making someone feel this way if they came to me genuinely. I would tell them that the hospital sucks ass in a gentle way - I've been there myself and simply sitting waiting for intake was enough to convince me I'd shelve the whole plan if I could just go back home and sleep in my own bed. If they really needed to go though, I'd help them get there.

Now, if it came from someone I was very sick of hearing threaten it over and over again, or who tried to do it to manipulate me? That would range from something much like OP said, or something worse.

They treat you like a prisoner. When I was 14 I was horribly depressed and anxious for months and when I finally got in to see a psychiatrist she prescribed me klonopin and I overdosed later that night. Once I was stable in the ER there weren’t any beds avalanche at any of the mental hospitals in my city and they wanted to transfer me 5 hours away to another mental hospital but my mother refused and went to her boss who was a friend and the hospital president and he got me a private room with 24 hour security in the main hospital until a bed at the mental hospital opened up.

When they took me from the ER to the room I had to walk through the hallways of the main hospital handcuffed with my shoulder against the wall at all times, and with a guard in front of me and behind me. It was so humiliating.

When a bed finally opened up at a private mental hospital, they handcuffed me and put me into what looked like an unmarked police car, but with a hard plastic bench as the backseat. There was also a camera no more than a foot away from my face.

Luckily the mental hospital I went to was small and nice, but a few days after I arrived my mom received a letter that gave a court date and if I wasn’t discharged before the date they were going to try to commit me long term so I sucked it up and played happy the whole time. It was the longest week of my life.

A few girls were transferred from the main mental hospital after I got there and they said it was like a prison there. They said that they were both assaulted by other inpatients and one girl’s roommate would throw her used tampons all over the floor of their bedroom. I was so fucking thankful that I didn’t have to go there.

But first they make you wait in a cold room for eight hours, hoping that you'll realize you're not THAT suicidal and go home.

You can be that suicidal and they not in the mood to help you. After the half a day there waiting.