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Dear all, I'm afraid this will be long, but I need to get something off my chest.

When r/GenderCritical got banned, I was feeling rather hopeless. We had a community that was growing fast, peak transing more and more people, gaining media attention. We became too big and therefore a threat, so they had to get rid of us. Even though it was to be expected, I was devastated. I lost a community of people who shared the same concerns as me, most of whom started off as liberal "just be kind" feminists. Those women shared the same grief that I did when it became clear a lot of LGBT and the left weren't our friends. It was an island of sanity and a breath of fresh air.

I am the kind of person who prefers to read other women's thoughts over sharing my own. Never felt like I had anything original to say anyway. And my experience on GC was just that: consuming the content created by others, with zero input of my own. In all of three years I maybe left two or three comments... But reading GC was part of my daily routine, and I tried to read there as much as I could.

When Ovarit became active about a month after the ban, I immediately got an invite. But I knew our huge network was lost and was devastated to see five threads where there used to be fifty, two comments instead of two hundred. I couldn't bear to look at it, so I stopped visiting the site for almost half a year. After all, I was a 'lurker' and there was very little content for me to 'consume'.

But when I opened the site around December, I couldn't believe how much was done in such little time. It was just like r/GC, better even, since we didn't have to follow a billion of reddit 'rules' just to keep us afloat. Seeing Ovarit thrive was glorious, but at that moment I felt deep shame that I stood aside when my silly little comments were perhaps needed most. When others were building Ovarit from scratch, I was doing nothing to help restore our community. A simple 'like' could go a long way in encouraging people to post and comment more, especially if you are like me: constantly doubting yourself and considering deleting if no one reacted.

So, thank you, truly, to all those who posted, commented, liked and shared, in those first few months and now. Ovarit became what it is no thanks to me, but I will try to do better in the future. I will make it a point to 'like' more posts and comments. I will try to overcome my fear of engaging with others and write deep and thoughtful responses such as "great idea" and "haha". Sometimes, like now, I will even bring myself to post. And, instead of assuming I'm not smart or knowledgeable enough to speak, I will try anyway.

I feel so lucky and grateful that there are other women taking the same small steps as me.

Thank you. You are all really great.

Dear all, I'm afraid this will be long, but I need to get something off my chest. When r/GenderCritical got banned, I was feeling rather hopeless. We had a community that was growing fast, peak transing more and more people, gaining media attention. We became too big and therefore a threat, so they had to get rid of us. Even though it was to be expected, I was devastated. I lost a community of people who shared the same concerns as me, most of whom started off as liberal "just be kind" feminists. Those women shared the same grief that I did when it became clear a lot of LGBT and the left weren't our friends. It was an island of sanity and a breath of fresh air. I am the kind of person who prefers to read other women's thoughts over sharing my own. Never felt like I had anything original to say anyway. And my experience on GC was just that: consuming the content created by others, with zero input of my own. In all of three years I maybe left two or three comments... But reading GC was part of my daily routine, and I tried to read there as much as I could. When Ovarit became active about a month after the ban, I immediately got an invite. But I knew our huge network was lost and was devastated to see five threads where there used to be fifty, two comments instead of two hundred. I couldn't bear to look at it, so I stopped visiting the site for almost half a year. After all, I was a 'lurker' and there was very little content for me to 'consume'. But when I opened the site around December, I couldn't believe how much was done in such little time. It was just like r/GC, better even, since we didn't have to follow a billion of reddit 'rules' just to keep us afloat. Seeing Ovarit thrive was glorious, but at that moment I felt deep shame that I stood aside when my silly little comments were perhaps needed most. When others were building Ovarit from scratch, I was doing nothing to help restore our community. A simple 'like' could go a long way in encouraging people to post and comment more, especially if you are like me: constantly doubting yourself and considering deleting if no one reacted. So, thank you, truly, to all those who posted, commented, liked and shared, in those first few months and now. Ovarit became what it is no thanks to me, but I will try to do better in the future. I will make it a point to 'like' more posts and comments. I will try to overcome my fear of engaging with others and write deep and thoughtful responses such as "great idea" and "haha". Sometimes, like now, I will even bring myself to post. And, instead of assuming I'm not smart or knowledgeable enough to speak, I will try anyway. I feel so lucky and grateful that there are other women taking the same small steps as me. Thank you. You are all really great.

58 comments

I know what you mean. I found a little solution for when I can't risk expressing GC views in real life. Don't know if it's applicable in your situation, but.

Basically I dance on the line, saying things that would get TRAs all hot and bothered, but unable to prove anything. Luckily, a lot of feminist ideas seem 'terfy' to them, so it's not hard to rattle them 😄

And when put on the spot, I pretend to be confused, which only annoys them more.

But still, there is stuff I can't do yet, like share the documentary Dysphoric on facebook. Really considered it today, but decided to postpone my grand terf entrance for a bit.

I only put my foot down once when speaking to a guy I know about homophobia in football. He kept talking about LGBT representation in sports and I kept saying “no, let’s keep on topic to LGB, the T in sport is a completely different issue. Gay people’s issues in being accepted into sports are different and it’s not fair to put the two together because they both have very different needs”. Obviously I never explained my position but even speaking to this gay man, he couldn’t seem to grasp that T and G had different experiences of sport. In fact, when I tried to bring up that every letter in LGBT has a different experience of sport, he didn’t get that either. He kept telling me he learned how to be woke and didn’t want trans people left out of any conversation.

Like... don’t worry, buddy. They aren’t.

[–] boston11 [OP] 23 points Edited

I have this perception of some people that they actively force themselves not to think. They know thinking can lead to confusion and surprising conclusions. They don't want to be surprised or confused! They'd rather put their hands on their ears and go "lalalalala" until you go away and stop threatening their little bubble where everything makes sense, but only if you don't ask questions.

In their bubble, there is no confusion, no grey areas - only black and white, right and wrong. It's easy to live like that, when you're told what's good and what's bad. I sometimes miss those times - I was definitely happier when all the thinking was done for me.

Still, it's a good thing you tried to reach to him. Maybe one day something will happen that will make him remember your conversation and feel uneasy.

It’s funny how uncritically all of this is accepted and yet any claims of misogyny are usually considered with a great deal of scepticism. Hmmm.....

[+] [Deleted] 21 points

Obviously I never explained my position but even speaking to this gay man, he couldn’t seem to grasp that T and G had different experiences of sport. In fact, when I tried to bring up that every letter in LGBT has a different experience of sport, he didn’t get that either.

I spoke to a guy the other day who seemed to think 'bisexual' and 'nonbinary' were synonyms. I think feminists can massively overestimate how much the average person understands about all this.