132

I mentioned in my last post that my (now ex) boyfriend proclaimed himself to be a radfem. He has said this several times, but I never really pushed back. It didn’t seem like it was worth the fight at the time.

But yesterday I just couldn’t do it anymore. He just kept going on and on about how he’s so progressive and into radical feminism.

Finally, I (gently) told him that he may not know enough about radical feminism to say he’s a radfem. I told him that, personally, I wouldn’t even feel comfortable calling myself a radical feminist yet because there’s so much that I still have left to learn.

He asked for an example of what he doesn’t know, and I told him that transgender ideology is not compatible with radical feminism. He immediately pulled out his phone, pulled up Wikipedia, and proceeded to tell me I was wrong and that radical feminists welcome trans women into their spaces. He said radfems see no biological differences between men and women, so therefore they support transgenderism.

Cue internal combustion

I should’ve walked away right then, but my blood was absolutely boiling. This is a man who hasn’t read any literature pertaining to radical feminism, has never heard of Andrea Dworkin, and didn’t even know what radical feminism was until VERY recently. The only thing he’s done is read the Wiki page, and I doubt he even read that fully.

We started arguing about the transgender topic again, but it was pretty much the same thing as before.

HIM: I have trans friends and I believe they should be allowed to exist

ME: (While laughing) Please, show me who exactly is trying to make them not exist. I’m not sure who would even try to do that given that it’s a futile goal, but I can assure you that it’s not feminists.

HIM: As a man, I don’t belong in the conversation about allowing trans women into female only spaces. I don’t know why you expect me to have all the answers and know everything! There are way bigger issues facing women than trans people!

ME: That’s exactly the thing: I DON’T expect you to have the answers and I know for a fact that you don’t, anyways. What I do expect is for you to be able to recognize and admit when you don’t know something. That’s why I’m upset- you’re falsely taking on an identity and value system that you admittedly know little-to-nothing about.

That’s pretty much it. He shut down and I haven’t seen him since then. I am still heated over this conversation, though. The absolute audacity to mansplain radical feminism to me, and to explain it SO INCORRECTLY, is infuriating. I don’t plan on ever reaching out and I doubt he does, either. He has never been called out on his shit before and clearly has no idea how to handle it.

I wish I hadn’t even bothered having this conversation. I‘m done trying to explain to men why they should give a shit about women. It’s not my fucking job and it just drains me of my energy.

Needless to say, WGTOW is looking better and better each day.

I mentioned in my last post that my (now ex) boyfriend proclaimed himself to be a radfem. He has said this several times, but I never really pushed back. It didn’t seem like it was worth the fight at the time. But yesterday I just couldn’t do it anymore. He just kept going on and on about how he’s so progressive and into radical feminism. Finally, I (gently) told him that he may not know enough about radical feminism to say he’s a radfem. I told him that, personally, I wouldn’t even feel comfortable calling myself a radical feminist yet because there’s so much that I still have left to learn. He asked for an example of what he doesn’t know, and I told him that transgender ideology is not compatible with radical feminism. He immediately pulled out his phone, pulled up Wikipedia, and proceeded to tell me I was wrong and that radical feminists welcome trans women into their spaces. He said radfems see no biological differences between men and women, so therefore they support transgenderism. *Cue internal combustion* I should’ve walked away right then, but my blood was absolutely boiling. This is a man who hasn’t read any literature pertaining to radical feminism, has never heard of Andrea Dworkin, and didn’t even know what radical feminism was until VERY recently. The only thing he’s done is read the Wiki page, and I doubt he even read that fully. We started arguing about the transgender topic again, but it was pretty much the same thing as before. HIM: I have trans friends and I believe they should be allowed to exist ME: (While laughing) Please, show me who exactly is trying to make them not exist. I’m not sure who would even try to do that given that it’s a futile goal, but I can assure you that it’s not feminists. HIM: As a man, I don’t belong in the conversation about allowing trans women into female only spaces. I don’t know why you expect me to have all the answers and know everything! There are way bigger issues facing women than trans people! ME: That’s exactly the thing: I DON’T expect you to have the answers and I know for a fact that you don’t, anyways. What I do expect is for you to be able to recognize and admit when you don’t know something. That’s why I’m upset- you’re falsely taking on an identity and value system that you admittedly know little-to-nothing about. That’s pretty much it. He shut down and I haven’t seen him since then. I am still heated over this conversation, though. The absolute audacity to mansplain radical feminism to me, and to explain it SO INCORRECTLY, is infuriating. I don’t plan on ever reaching out and I doubt he does, either. He has never been called out on his shit before and clearly has no idea how to handle it. I wish I hadn’t even bothered having this conversation. I‘m done trying to explain to men why they should give a shit about women. It’s not my fucking job and it just drains me of my energy. Needless to say, WGTOW is looking better and better each day.

102 comments

[–] Carrots90 153 points Edited

There are a lot of challenges being in a mixed intelligence relationship. It’s not for everyone.

You can try to learn about their Dumbass beleifs and customs. You can try to learn some Dipshit phrases and greetings, or even become fluent in Cretin, but the cultural differences run a lot deeper.

Do you celebrate Fuckwit holidays?

Do you attend the Moron Church and get baptized Pignorant, or practice Shrewdyism?

Do you raise the kids Idiot?

Can you try to teach your kids things from your culture, like the difference between their anus and a hole in the ground, without conflicting with his culture and beliefs?

It can be a real challenge. Especially if he comes from a family that is Fundamental ShitForBrains

Dating Stupid is one thing. Trying to make a life with an observant, practicing Imbecile, is quite another.

There are a lot of challenges being in a mixed intelligence relationship. It’s not for everyone.

O m g 😂😂 I’m dying

Is there some kind of something we can make this comment into for the silent auction? I need it for my house

I love that idea!!!

Any clever gyn here who can make something of it is free to have it!!

It could be a condolence card for when your friend finally dumps that jerk man in her life

Load more (7 comments)

"As a man, I don’t belong in the conversation about allowing trans women into female only spaces"... "but as a man, I'm also telling you that they should be allowed"

I will say, there ARE men who do listen. They usually don't describe themselves as feminist though. Or at least don't announce that label to the world without prompting. Whenever a man has bragged to me about his feminism on the first date, I've usually run in the opposite direction.

Male feminists are the creepiest most sexist guys I’ve known - far better to be with a man who doesn’t really care about feminism but will listen and understand your feminist POVs

He feels he has no place to talk for transwomen (ie other men) but is perfectly content talking for women. Shocking.

Totally agree. A man going on and on about how great he is at ANYTHING is a red flag imo. He could be an expert on radical feminism, it would still be corny and annoying if he walked around telling op he's this super progressive feminist

He'll never be a radical feminist anyway, because he's a man.

When the U.S. Army invaded Normandy to fight off the Nazis, they didn't suddenly become the French Army.

Men can certainly fight for women's liberation, but if they do they are feminist allies, not feminists.

But I note that most guys trying to call themselves feminists aren't even fighting for women's liberation in the first place.

P.S. Wikipedia has been captured by trans ideology. Someone actually screenshot a conversation between TRAs/TIMs plotting to edit all the radical feminist and second-wave feminist articles to diminish their apparent importance to women's history. Of course the radical feminist article might say RFs support trans women. It's all of a piece. They're wrong.

If anyone has those screenshots, I'd really appreciate seeing them. The way the second-wave has been demonized really concerns me.

If you look into the wikipedia article about woman it is somewhat okay. The trans women article is dumb as fuck of course but it has this slightly self-aware reminder at the top:

(The examples and perspective in this article deal primarily with the United States and do not represent a worldwide view of the subject. You may improve this article, discuss the issue on the talk page, or create a new article, as appropriate. (August 2022))

I'm glad you dumped him. He clearly hates you. Men pretend that they don't know what a woman is, yet they have no doubts when talking down to us and exploiting our labor and bodies. He just sees you and all women as playthings like in porn and isn't interested in having a real conversation about something that matters to you.

[–] real_feminist 50 points Edited

A RadFem would understand that men control the internet and can edit wikipedia to their liking.

Good riddance to him!

Not only is he not a radfem ally, he clearly wasn't a good boyfriend, either. The blatant disrespect for your feelings and opinions ... gah, I don't think I could have tolerated that sort of shit even if the topic was something like "Glyphosate use in agriculture, yes or no?" or something similar that doesn't have anything to do with gender roles.

Perhaps it's just me, but I think if you love a person, you'd be interested in seeing their point of view.

Understanding why they think the way they think.

Not just want to "win" the debate.

[+] [Deleted] 34 points

I think if you love a person, you'd be interested in seeing their point of view. Understanding why they think the way they think. Not just want to "win" the debate.

I agree completely. That's a big problem that the internet has worsened: Nobody cares to listen to the opposing side.

Nobody cares to listen to the opposing side

This is a distortion of the truth, the self-delared, goalpost-moving left does not listen, conservatives listen way too much and only push back slightly and become more leftist each year, the rest of the opposition stopped listening because they've heard enough. I do not think it is necessary to listen to people who want to abuse and brainwish children, and destroy the life of people with dissenting opinions. Arguing with someone as insufferable as OPs bf is pointless, just mock their stupid opinions: "So you would sleep with a pre-op transwoman, a dick isn't inherently male you know?" "So you would sleep with a post-op transwoman, a stinky pus-oozing belly button is totally a vagina after all lolololol" "dont transplain me, I am suddenly identifying as transwoman too you stupid cis-male!" "i can't identify as a transwoman because I am AFAB, WHAT HAVE I JUST TOLD YOU BIGOT!"

Be creative and brazen and vicious, ideally he is the one seething then.

If you are talking to someone blissfully unaware of this stuff who is trying to be nice then by all means take it upon yourself to educate them, a toned down version of that above still works better though because they will then attempt to educate YOU and you can use the opening to question them when they trip over their own stupid logic.

Sorry for the rant, you did nothing wrong, I just derailed myself.

I get you. It's frustrating to deal with people who don't want to genuinely understand and search for truth. However, if we mock others' opinions, we would be no better than those who mock us and dismiss our opinions with "i won't listen to those who deny people rights" (which is obviously untrue but whatever)

I get you and I agree, but debate, even with dumbasses, is valuable. People read or listen to debates and learn things and change their minds about things.

The last thing we need is another fucking echo chamber like reddit

Sounds like you’ve lost nothing of value! Why are men like this so sure they know everything when they’ve done no research?

He immediately pulled out his phone, pulled up Wikipedia, and proceeded to tell me I was wrong and that radical feminists welcome trans women into their spaces.

I just looked at the Wikipedia entry for radical feminism, there’s a whole section on transgender issues and it lists all the reasons radfems don’t accept males can be women. He couldn’t even skim-read one page before going off on one!

why are men like this so sure they know everything when they’ve done no research?

This sends me from 0 to 100. Anyone is entitled to an opinion, but I’m sure as hell not listening to one that comes out of an ass—and especially not a man’s ass.

Most women I’ve met, even if they are obstinate or annoying or ignorant, usually are able to recognize when the other person has done some investigation into a topic they have not investigated, and they know to defer and try to learn. Men seem incapable of this.

It's strange how they become more capable of it when it's coming from a man they respect or admire

He clicked on the Wikipedia page and in his mind , this meant he now knows everything about it . I bet he didn’t even read two paragraphs on it.

Srsly that's so embarrassing lol. Using Wikipedia to prove points is only acceptable if you're arguing about how old a celebrity is, or the year a movie came out or something.

My blood is boiling right along with you. I'm glad you had the self-respect and self-preservation to cut your losses and split from the bird-brained buffoon.

There's a basic idiom for this in Chinese: 对牛弹琴, or "playing the zither to a cow". No matter how flawless or persuasive or well-researched your arguments are, if you're trying to talk sense into someone who doesn't have the intellectual capacity to process them (and worse, the lack of intellectual humility to admit it), it's only going to be wasted breath from one intellectual superior to her inferior.

What a great expression, I may like it even better than the English idiom of “casting your pearls before swine”.

I'm no expert on radical feminism, but I believe what's central is the material, class based analysis of women's situation. That's women as a sex class. And the focus on liberation from male violence. There is no such thing as a trans inclusive radical feminist, despite people existing who describe themselves as such. They have jettisoned material analysis for idealist analysis (aka based on ideas, not material conditions), and they are incapable of recognising women as a sex class because they have rejected sex based definitions for definitions based on unfalsifiable internal states that DO NOT TRACK with the sex based injustices that concern feminists. They also overlap heavily with the "sex positive feminists" who have given up on liberation and dignity in favour of formal equality and "consent" to our sexual objectification, and who are eating up the idea that being desired by men gives us power.

He's not just wrong, he's incapable of being corrected because of his hubris. It's a combination that makes people unnecessarily stupid. And I hate the insincere way he switches between making pronouncements and then saying he shouldn't speak and doesn't have the answers. If you shouldn't speak, then don't speak, fool.

Lol ew, being desired by a man is probably the most unremarkable thing in the entire world. Men will desire and fuck women they absolutely hate, or women they don't respect, or women they just don't really like or get along with.

Men will fantasize about raping groups of women they hate, whether it's "terfs", or lesbians, or feminists, or women from another culture that they're racist against, etc

I was reading Dworkin's Right Wing Women recently and she was talking about all the ways that anti-feminism manifests and disguises itself. She specifically mentioned the argument that being desired gives women power. It's nonsense as you say, because men have always desired women and that has in no way prevented thousands of years of oppression and violence, even if it occasionally gives women some leverage to make small compromises with those who have real power (physical power, economic power, political power etc). Anyway, interesting that today's feminism is promoting ideas that Dworkin specifically named antifeminist all those years ago. Of course, we don't all have to agree and there are many disagreements within, and branches of feminism (but I'm inclined to think sex positive feminism isn't one of them).

what's central is the material, class based analysis of women's situation

You've got the essentials down!

[–] Kevina 16 points Edited

What I do expect is for you to be able to recognize and admit when you don’t know something.

Ah yes, I've met this man time and time again. He thinks he's smarter than every woman alive and never wastes an opportunity to demonstrate his prowess. The IT (my field) field is rife with these idiots, but fortunately the company I work for actively avoids people who can't say "I don't know", and who spout shite out of their ass. I've met this man in my Jeep club, he loves to try to educate me about my Jeeps, even though I own 3 of them and did 90% of the mods myself (Nigel helped, but if I were thinking like a man I wouldn't mention his contributions at all).

Funny, I rarely ever meet women like this.

He shut down and I haven’t seen him since then.

Did he just storm right out?

Tell me that you shut his ass down every time, lol

I've definitely got a few stories about shutting them down at work. I had one guy email me a picture of a crow on a plate after I assured him that he was wrong, after he realized he was, in fact, wrong 🤣

Men like this don't deserve the opportunity to procreate. They will never ever ever ever listen, don't try to change them, don't get upset about them anymore than necessary. At some point men are going to have to pull their heads out of their asses and figure it out because fewer women are putting up with male bullshit every single day. At one point they could carry on like this and still have a good chance of procreating, but with the internet and women protesting and peaking all over the world every damn day, these men are going to get left in the dust where they belong. Let them evolve or die out

Men like this don't deserve the opportunity to procreate.

I honestly believe this. I think probably less than 2% of the men on the planet are worth procreating with. And it’s not for the reasons that men think like having a car or a bunch of money. It’s mental/physical/emotional fitness.

Load more (28 comments)