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I am just listening to a podcast with Helen Joyce (who I love) and she’s just talking about the medical and surgical pathways children are put on when they are perceived to be gender non-conforming. The example she’s giving is Suzie Green of Mermaids who transited som aged 4.

This will ALWAYS chill me right to my core.

I remember pleading with my parents to let me a boy, I felt strongly that I was one. I played with boys toys and I liked boys clothes. I hated the “girly” toys my sisters played with and when they played dress up, I would dress as a boy while they were Disney princesses. My parents were extremely chill and told me I could play with whatever toys I wanted and wear whatever and it didn’t mean anything bad about me. I remember having sad conversations with my mum where I was embarrassed that no other girls liked the things I liked.

Turns out that was a phase I grew out of as I’m now a grown adult and very happy I’m a woman and very comfortable in my body.

Childhood memories are hazy but still there yet I cannot imagine the course of my life being altered by decisions I made and things I said back then. I also believed Hogwarts might be real and I low-key waited for a letter to arrive for me by owl inviting me to go to school there.

It chills me to my bones though to think what could have happened to me if I was born a few decades later and growing up now.

I am just listening to a podcast with Helen Joyce (who I love) and she’s just talking about the medical and surgical pathways children are put on when they are perceived to be gender non-conforming. The example she’s giving is Suzie Green of Mermaids who transited som aged 4. This will ALWAYS chill me right to my core. I remember pleading with my parents to let me a boy, I felt strongly that I was one. I played with boys toys and I liked boys clothes. I hated the “girly” toys my sisters played with and when they played dress up, I would dress as a boy while they were Disney princesses. My parents were extremely chill and told me I could play with whatever toys I wanted and wear whatever and it didn’t mean anything bad about me. I remember having sad conversations with my mum where I was embarrassed that no other girls liked the things I liked. Turns out that was a phase I grew out of as I’m now a grown adult and very happy I’m a woman and very comfortable in my body. Childhood memories are hazy but still there yet I cannot imagine the course of my life being altered by decisions I made and things I said back then. I also believed Hogwarts might be real and I low-key waited for a letter to arrive for me by owl inviting me to go to school there. It chills me to my bones though to think what could have happened to me if I was born a few decades later and growing up now.

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My poor second-wave feminist mom did everything she could to help me see other girls as people. She did everything she could to push back against my stance that I "should have been a boy" because of my personality. She read me books with amazing girls and women, she introduced me to fantastic women in film and TV, and lord knows she lived her beliefs by starting her own practice and being the higher-earning partner my whole life. She even found a remarkably pro-feminist man to be my dad.

But I still insisted I was a "boy who got a girl body by mistake." If I'd been born even 10 years later, some well-meaning teacher or counselor would absolutely have referred me to "gender therapy," and the moment someone told me of the existence of puberty blockers I would have done anything I had to in order to get them. I have no doubt whatsoever that I'd have been transitioned before adulthood.

Turns out that was a phase I grew out of as I’m now a grown adult and very happy I’m a woman and very comfortable in my body.

Gender nonconformity wasn't a phase for me, it's just my personality. And I doubt I will ever be comfortable in my body. But, I am a woman, and I am forever thankful that I was not subjected to blockers, cross-sex hormones, or surgery.