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During the COVID shutdown two years ago, my daughter's teachers switched her name and pronouns without notifying my husband or myself. My husband and I were caught completely by surprise; our 13 year old daughter had been a completely "girly girl" who loved pink, ballet, ice skating, crafts, twirly skirts, hair accessories, and all the stereotypical girl-gendered stuff. Our first response was to take her to therapy. That was a mistake. We paid out of pocket to have adult mental health "professionals" help her navigate from nonbinary to TIF without addressing any of her other mental health issues. I fired the second therapist last summer after she came home from school and announced she was cutting off her breasts and taking testosterone as soon as she was allowed.

I am desperate to save her from her current pathway before she turns 18 (I have 2.5 years left). I quit my full time job a few months ago and am working part time; I am very fortunate that my husband is making enough to support the family. I have used the extra time to focus on my relationship with my daughter. She is super creative and smart and has a unique fashion sense. I have helped her cut and dye her hair however she wants. She likes to sew and paint and bake and listen to obscure indy bands.

I work at the intersection of the arts and education and I hold a very advanced degree. It is likely that by coming out in a public way against our school district that I will never work again in the field I have dedicated my life to, so I have just quietly tried to push back within our own family. I have peaked my husband, my daughter's older siblings, cousins, my parents, in-laws, etc. It didn't take much because they have seen SO MANY other adolescent girls saying they aren't girls. It helps that many people in my family completed significant coursework in college biology. One family member is a retired attorney.

Two days ago I woke up at 3am from a nightmare about my daughter with a TIF beard. I can't even describe how horrifying it was. I don't care about my career any more. I am going absolutely fucking crazy. I want this bullshit to end. Has anyone had any success going up against a school? Did you start with the principal? the school board? the counseling staff? the teachers? I'm ready to get loud and I'm not sure where to start.

During the COVID shutdown two years ago, my daughter's teachers switched her name and pronouns without notifying my husband or myself. My husband and I were caught completely by surprise; our 13 year old daughter had been a completely "girly girl" who loved pink, ballet, ice skating, crafts, twirly skirts, hair accessories, and all the stereotypical girl-gendered stuff. Our first response was to take her to therapy. That was a mistake. We paid out of pocket to have adult mental health "professionals" help her navigate from nonbinary to TIF without addressing any of her other mental health issues. I fired the second therapist last summer after she came home from school and announced she was cutting off her breasts and taking testosterone as soon as she was allowed. I am desperate to save her from her current pathway before she turns 18 (I have 2.5 years left). I quit my full time job a few months ago and am working part time; I am very fortunate that my husband is making enough to support the family. I have used the extra time to focus on my relationship with my daughter. She is super creative and smart and has a unique fashion sense. I have helped her cut and dye her hair however she wants. She likes to sew and paint and bake and listen to obscure indy bands. I work at the intersection of the arts and education and I hold a very advanced degree. It is likely that by coming out in a public way against our school district that I will never work again in the field I have dedicated my life to, so I have just quietly tried to push back within our own family. I have peaked my husband, my daughter's older siblings, cousins, my parents, in-laws, etc. It didn't take much because they have seen SO MANY other adolescent girls saying they aren't girls. It helps that many people in my family completed significant coursework in college biology. One family member is a retired attorney. Two days ago I woke up at 3am from a nightmare about my daughter with a TIF beard. I can't even describe how horrifying it was. I don't care about my career any more. I am going absolutely fucking crazy. I want this bullshit to end. Has anyone had any success going up against a school? Did you start with the principal? the school board? the counseling staff? the teachers? I'm ready to get loud and I'm not sure where to start.

50 comments

I know this advice is controversial, but I would pull her from that school. You won’t win the fight in the 2.5 years you have left.

It sounds like you have financial resources. Could you propose something like a year of “road schooling” to do a deep dive into art?

Something fun and life changing to get her focused on what’s real in life and out of the high school echo chamber.

Anything that gets your daughter away from the people brainwashing her and spending more time in the real world would be good. If she spent a summer working on a farm or planting a garden she'd be much better off than she is now.

I don’t think talking to the school is the best use of your energy. Parents who have been through this usually removing them from the school, stopping internet access and encouraging physical activity (sports, outdoors, more chores, even). It’s probably going to be disruptive for your life and family, but a temporary move might be needed. Homeschool for a year might be appealing to her if it focuses on travel (vanlife or world travel, if it’s in your budget), art, etc. Maybe present it as you feeling like your family is becoming disconnected and you want to take time to reconnect, share special adventures before she goes out into the world. Spend time with relatives in other areas, if they’re supportive of you. I also recommend the Gender:A Wider Lens podcast. Good luck to you and your daughter

Please check out transgendertrend and genspect.org. They have resources and can help. Also Pittstack substack have parent letters to schools.

Good luck. You're doing a great job. I'm rooting for you. FWIW, my oldest daughter was all TWAW and believing in gender ideology (she did not identify as anything, but was an 'ally') up until about age 18 when her brain caught up. She peaked and now is a full-on TERF. Her girlfriends are similar in their awakening. They started feeling the impacts of a sexist society and once they saw the misogyny in trans ideology, they connected the dots. You daughter needs time to grow up away from these influences so you're smart in focusing on her as much as you can.

[–] T3RRFIC 21 points Edited

Can you afford to take your kid on a holiday?

Like, a 6-12 month long jaunt somewhere completely different?

If at all possible, I suggest taking them on some kind of adventure to expose them to different cultures.

And get her off the internet

Yes, this is harder with youth now.

Their mates all have the internet & banning things makes them appealing

Maybe getting a van & doing vanlife for awhile, expand the kid's online world to include a different online scene...

I'm sorry that I have no advice to give, but I have a friend who was recently in a very similar situation. She could no longer keep silent and had to give up her job in order to speak publicly in front of the school board. She has been speaking (and peaking people) ever since. She lost her job but found her calling.

[–] jadegreen 1 points Edited

My "light switch" moment of figuring out that transition was never in my future was this thought progression: taking testosterone leads to vaginal/uterine health risks so it's recommended after a few years to get those taken out which lead to being dependent on exogenous hormones. I don't trust that medical supply lines will be perfectly available for the next 20-30 years(til menopause)so I had no desire after that to even start the path.

I was merely at the questioning stage though and was older so had a more clear understanding of how medical care is more complicated than mom taking me to the doctor. She actually started making me schedule all my appointments from age 14 on so I had a headstart (not out of any Instill independence tho but she had a telephone phobia)(and then she'd get annoyed at me if I scheduled them "on the wrong part of the city" even though I had little understanding of how easy or difficult a drive was, I was just going by miles away, but that's a whole different story lol)

My mom has an aversion to phone conversations, too. Ugh. I hate having to impersonate her only to have to hang up and beg her to make the call herself because of things like not being knowledgeable enough about something to answer a question, not knowing her card number if someone insists on paying over the phone, etc.

I don’t think go after the school is the right move because it sounds like they’ve been thoroughly indoctrinated if they started doing this at 13 without your knowledge or consent. And it is likely that any legal action you bring is going to be fought and crowdfunded by their supporters, including out-of-state.

As someone who is generally opposed to homeschooling, i believe it may be your only choice. But don’t paint it that way to them or your daughter. Don’t disclose if you don’t have to.

It might be wiser to describe pulling her out of school as a “temporary measure” to deal with a “personal family crisis” either out of the area.

No one is going to begrudge someone who prioritises their family. Even if “the family member in need” is a fiction you create to save your daughter.

Since you have peaked many extending family members, I would hit them up for support. This is something concrete they can do to help.

Does anyone have a farm, cottage, shack or spare room you and your daughter could go to for a few months to get away from her current environment? The more rural, the better.

You also need to analyse which route will be most convincing with your daughter.

Is she likely to be scared witless if she learns about the full effects of testosterone and mastectomies? Is she squeamish about blood and wounds? Is she proud of her hair and thus devastated at the prospect of a receding hairline? Is she just uncomfortable about her body? Is it something specific like dislike of her breasts, periods, hips etc? Is there a trans identified friend/crush she idolises?

I suggest combing through her devices for clues.

She is probably suspicious of you, so her siblings and cousins may be able to gain her trust and glean some information from her about why she wants to be a TIF in the first place.

Maybe you could convince her to do art therapy and draw or paint about her feelings to give you some insight into what she’s thinking.

You know your daughter best.

Just keep in mind you need to get her to unlearn the bullshit she has been fed. It will be hard, but it can be done.

And as others have said, use the advice of parents who’ve been down the same path.

Also, Abigail Shriek’s book “Irreversible Damage” about ROGD in girls may help also.

Good luck! And keep us posted when you can, we’re here to help!

Many hugs to you.

I'm in my 30s and my whole friend group was targeted on tumblr a decade ago by some of the first gender specials to plague the internet, so I know first hand how they love to target artsy girls with unusual interests. I'm the only friend from a group of around 7 who didn't transition. It's a cult, and it's contagious.

I sadly have no experiences with schools, but I can offer this one piece of advice from how a friend successfully saved their family member from this cult:

Pay attention to how much time your daughter is spending online and who she is talking to. The school is half the battle. Most of this starts online, and in the case of the desisted friend I have, she was being groomed by an actual pedophile who, true to form, was an AGP TIM. The internet is not a safe place for kids, ever.

You mention she likes skating, and I feel like a good bonding exercise for you might be to take her skating more often. Maybe even have her try another winter sport like skiing? (I was a skater, and I later became a skier as well because it was similar but "cooler" because WOW I'M FAST AS FUCK BOI. Barreling down a mountain is always fun, but there is something really special about experiencing that for the first time as a teen). Get her in touch with her body and the amazing things it can do, the things she will lose if she maims her healthy body with T, which will destroy her cardiac system and possibly rot her bones.

I don't have any knowledge that will help you, but you should probably look at this.

Erin Friday organized the October protest of the American Academy of Pediatrics. She is a lawyer living in Marin County whose daughter began identifying as a trans male during covid and was assigned a cross-gendered name and pronoun by her teachers without her mother’s knowledge of [sic] consent. Friday quit her job and spent a year getting her daughter out of the gender cult into which she had been first inculcated by an older teenaged girl she met on the Internet.

A lifelong Democrat of thirty years, Friday now organizes full time against the gender cult which uses crude emotional blackmail grounded in scientific misinformation to isolate children from their parents, cooperating with whomever will come to her aid. She runs a group of thousands of parents of children inflicted [sic] by Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria called Our Duty, and through that vehicle has been coordinating what promises to be a series of protests and lawsuits against the pediatric gender industry.

The way this is challenged in the UK is using laws around parental rights; only the parents have the legal right to name a child. We also have safeguarding laws that are non negotiable. So get creative and look at all of the laws around parental responsibilities and child protection where you are.

[–] Nediljka_Orwell PITA crone 2 points

If you're in the US, research your state and local laws concerning gender identity in schools. Some are very clear about whether parental notification is required or not when schools socially transition kids. Get a lawyer or a school board member to translate if the language is vague. You need to know exactly what you're up against legally, and if they bent the rules or not by socially transitioning your daughter without your knowledge or consent.

If you want to go that route, that is. At this point I would advise against that myself. Trying to work with the system that actively interfered and thinks it knows best for your daughter over you, her parent, is absurd. And it's not going to correct what's going on with her. Move her out of the system's circle of influence and power. Immediately. By doing so, you will also communicate to her that this is serious. That you are serious.

Your dream there was showing you what you risk if you do not act. Listen to your unconscious. It is processing what's going on on a deeper symbolic level and is trying to warn you. Drop the part time gig and devote your time and energy to turning her around. Don't continue to outsource to "professionals" unless you're absolutely sure that they are GC and they are willing to be entirely transparent with you. And even then, this has to be primarily your and your family's job, no one else's. You may lose your career temporarily or maybe even permanently, (and friends and social standing) but that's the price of saving her life these days in this crazy culture war. And make no mistake; it is war. There will be casualties. And no guaranteed outcomes either.

There are different schools of thought on which changes to make in her life to break the gender cult indoctrination. Gentle love or tough love. You know your kid and your family, so you will have to weigh and determine which approach would be best. But the common targets for change are her internet use, her school, her social circle, her pop culture consumption, etc.

This article was posted the other day: https://archive.ph/u5p26 and I thought this mother was clever and creative. Granted, she was doing preemptive moves there. But there is usable information. If your daughter won't listen to GC arguments, or fear transition health horror stories, then you need to find ways to instill in her a sense of her having her own unique self- in having an "identity" that isn't defined by outside pop culture stereotypes. And in having a body that is not her enemy. Encourage her to express herself, verbally and through creative activities. Get her outside in the natural world. The more grounded she is in having her own identity, the less she will be vulnerable to taking on a pop culture one.

Never give up your authority as her parent to make things easier for her. Or you. Good luck.

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