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I come into contact with a lot of women leaving domestic abuse situations. Not for work, but in a volunteer capacity.

It's not always directly relevant to what I do, but I like to encourage the women to open up to me about the history of the relationship, if they feel comfortable.

Something startling I realized today is at probably around 40-50%% of the women I've dealt with in that capacity have revealed that their abuser is transing themselves, or has participating in cross dressing in a sexual context, or has stolen their underwear and been caught wearing it. I shit you not.

I don't think I can do anything with this info, other than warn you gyns that odds are that if someone you know has a trans partner, they are in danger. this probably crosses a line that I can't reasonably say is justified. But I will always tell women to be cautious.

I come into contact with a lot of women leaving domestic abuse situations. Not for work, but in a volunteer capacity. It's not always directly relevant to what I do, but I like to encourage the women to open up to me about the history of the relationship, if they feel comfortable. Something startling I realized today is at probably around 40-50%% of the women I've dealt with in that capacity have revealed that their abuser is transing themselves, or has participating in cross dressing in a sexual context, or has stolen their underwear and been caught wearing it. I shit you not. I don't think I can do anything with this info, other than warn you gyns that odds are that if someone you know has a trans partner, ~~they are in danger.~~ this probably crosses a line that I can't reasonably say is justified. But I will always tell women to be cautious.

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I've read a lot of trans widows' stories and one recurring theme is financial abuse. The TiM partner will start spending exorbitant amounts of money on clothes, makeup, and medical transition; withhold money from his partner to control her; and/or drain the family's savings. It's particularly heartbreaking if the woman is financially dependent on her partner and has young children.

I noticed how many of them stop working, as soon as they identify as trans. They claim to be too fragile to work and sit at home buying panties online while their wife works and does everything in the household.

Omg. You just described a crossdresser (male but not TI) I know.

This is listed on the Duluth Model and I really think it's under emphasized. People think "oh well we can donate money." Okay, fine, that gets her out but then guess what? She has no job. She has no work history for the last 5 years. A one time GoFundMe does not fix these things.

Crucially, this also applies to "involuntarily" homeless TIMs. Has not had a job, will not get one. At least it's easier to keep the con going with repeated GFMs.

My ex did this and then, during divorce negotiations, he and his attorney used a law meant to protect housewives. Classy.

One of the stats I remember from one of the first courses on financial exploitation I took was that in 99% of domestic abuse cases, financial abuse is a component. If a woman doesn't have financial resources, getting away from her abuser is extremely difficult. That's why many of these creeps don't allow their wives/girlfriends to work, or insist that she can't have a bank or credit card account of her own.

And it doesn't help that employers don't like seeing gaps on resumes, especially not lasting for several years. Once she does leave, re-entering the workforce so she can support herself is another major task.

That's why many of these creeps don't allow their wives/girlfriends to work, or insist that she can't have a bank or credit card account of her own.

I've read quite a few egg IRL subreddit stories by now of men carefully planning when to "come out" to their wives or girlfriends so that she's dependent and unlikely to leave him. I remember one specifically whose wife was newly pregnant. He was champing at the bit to come out, but was frustrated that, if he did, it was early enough in her pregnancy that she could get an abortion and leave him.

A lot of men financially abuse tho I think its just a sign of utter selfishness and of course control

I don't know if you listen to the FDS podcast, but they talk frequently about how beneficial it is for family finances to be controlled primarily by the wife/mother. Men are far more likely to waste money on stupid toys and luxury items for themselves (for example, gender transition) than women. Women are much more likely to invest in their home and children.

My mom, who married in 1945, always controlled the finances. Believe it or not, but she gave my dad an allowance! When he retired and needed to run errands, my mother would give him as many checks he would need. Receipts required. He complained sometimes, but he accepted that she was in charge of the money.

[–] magdala 44 points Edited

I also have contact in a professional capacity with a lot of women leaving domestic abuse situations and I’ve noted a similar phenomenon. I’ve had three separate clients who are wives with abusive enby/TIM husbands. It’s certainly a far cry from your 40-50%, but I live in a pretty conservative area so even the 2-3% on my end is pretty surprising.

The pattern is pretty jarring. These wives were often stay-at-home moms whose husbands (often engineers/specialists) had complete control of the finances and constantly berated their wives and children with verbal abuse. The husbands were immensely unstable, mentally and emotionally.

One husband literally kicked his wife and children out of the marital home so he could move in a new TIF paramour who he’d known three weeks and do copious amounts of drugs. Another husband constantly threatened suicide if his wife left him or the children didn’t call him “Mommy.”

I would discuss these things with the wives and you could feel the palpable relief in their expressions when I correctly gendered their husbands (not playing around with she/hers or they/thems for their very male abusers), when I talked about this person as a man and made it subtly clear that they didn’t have to play this gaslighting game with me. Their speech would immediately come much easier without the constant hedging around their partner’s gender. They could go into detail about the abuse.

It’s a small piece of the larger puzzle, but I find that my quiet TERFery can be helpful for these women. They don’t have to keep speaking the lie they’ve been browbeaten into accepting.

I would think many paraphilias correlate with abuse and trans is simply the latest in a long line of methods men use to abuse women. Part of what brought me to this movement was recognizing the scary similarities between the things said to me by my abusive ex-husband (BDSM paraphilia) and the TRAs.

[–] Calliope 27 points Edited

I think you're correct. It's not just AGP or transness, it's so many kinks, fetishes, paraphilias.

Editing to add: Most of these men have more than one gross kink or fetish. It seems pretty rare to find an AGP with only AGP.

I feel like trans fetish (sissy, crossdressing, shemale, whatever they wanna call it) is on the rise too. I saw a Pornhub infographic series of the year's trends and "transgender" was all over the top search hits for various demographics. I'm not exactly a porn trends expert but I don't remember that really being a thing even 10 or so years ago

could it be because the gay porn is no longer seen as feminine? everything gets more extreme if you go back 30 or 40 years gay men were called sissy and if they had pornhub then I'm sure these guys would be all over it. now gay men are not really seen as woman like just gay. so they have moved on to just generally feminising men as feminisation was really always about opression and looking down on people.

if you look back far enough you could say that asians were feminised as they were often depicted as literally lesser men and weak

[–] CeruleanPisces 39 points Edited

My insane, woman hating, abusive ex came back to my condo after he left to steal the clothing (of mine) he liked to masturbate in. His new girlfriend told me she found my clothes.

I concluded he hated women because he couldn’t be one. He also couldn’t keep it up 75% of the time.

[–] CheshireBat 🦇 15 points

Holy shit, he sounds like a monster. I'm glad you're not in that relationship anymore. Did he face any consequences at all for his crime against you? Abuse aside, theft usually carries more legal weight since it has financial consequences (can't get anything done in this society unless money is involved, sigh).

No, I reported him for attempted murder and detailed a multitude of vicious attacks up to and including strangulation to the point of completion (he thought I was dead before he stopped, surprise! I wasn’t) and the response from the police was that our relationship was toxic and he doesn’t do those things anymore, even though his current ex at the time stated that he was actively stalking her both physically and electronically.

[–] CheshireBat 🦇 18 points

Oh my god, I had no idea it was this bad. He sounds like a violent narcissist, it's only a matter of time before someone truly does die. I'm so sorry you had to endure near death, that is horrifying.

No, I reported him for attempted murder and detailed a multitude of vicious attacks up to and including strangulation to the point of completion (he thought I was dead before he stopped, surprise! I wasn’t) and the response from the police was that our relationship was toxic and he doesn’t do those things anymore, even though his current ex at the time stated that he was actively stalking her both physically and electronically.

horrible but not at all surprising, I hope you have kept any written correspondence from the police to be used as evidence in future for their incompetence when he actually kills someone, police need to be held to account for their inaction.

[–] CheshireBat 🦇 35 points

Thank you so much for sharing this. I know someone that has a history of abusing women, then went trans. It's a struggle trying to figure out what to do with information like that, because if this person starts to be seen as either 'not male' or even 'not quite male', then people will let their guard down around him, and I feel bad for any woman that catches his gaze. I've heard about this kind of thing happening so often, that it makes me wonder if the "lowering of the guard" aspect of transitioning isn't a motivating factor when someone makes the decision to transition (in addition to AGP, that is). In other words, their access to women and leeway with women might increase if they're not seen as fully male. We know better, of course, but not all women will.

I was extremely confused and upset when this person I know said they were transing after having previously confessed misogynistic abuse to me. I feel like he should have disqualified himself from being able to go down that road, because now he's clearly a wolf in sheep's clothing, or at least something to that effect.

On Megan Murphy's latest interview with a trans widow, she cited a TIM turn-of-phrase from their own forums: "What's the difference between a cross dresser and a trans woman? About two years."

It's an addiction, and I think most addictions come with abusive behavior. The addiction is everything, now. Their brains are on permanent panic-mode that their access to their addiction might be taken away.

James Shupe during one of his lucid period admitted this. His very stomach-churning interviews with Benjamin Boyce offered perhaps the most graphic insights into how AGP really works. The interviews have since been taken down and Shupe has reverted back to his old ways. Very scary dude.

My misogynistic, violent brother has started playing with the idea of being trans. The last time we talked he said "I am gay and I am trans, I am not a misogynist" ... It concerned me that he might start identifying as trans to use as a shield for his criminal and abusive behavior. It works for plenty of people and he has no moral line.

People are eager to explain issues away as "they had to hide their identity! the world hurt them! now they are a new person" which is very frustrating and sad for victims

[–] RuneOwl 9 points Edited

Trans ideology is really attractive to all sorts of sociopathic men, from incels to neo Nazis to pedophiles. And of course, they’re all entitled misogynists who deeply resent women and want to control us. This isn’t the least bit surprising.

They’re not even safe from each other. I knew a couple who are both TIMs—one was extremely financially and emotionally abusive towards the other, then cheated and left him for another TIM. I have never seen one in what seems like a healthy normal romantic relationship, and the trans community at large is full of infighting and unhinged toxicity. They absolutely are a mob of abusive people.

I think some of it has to do with a low opinion of women that goes hand in hand with men transing. Also, it’s a very convenient shield. A man who is a wife beater or even just verbally abusive is fairly reviled, but if you claim you are trans a lot of that gets looked over or excused as you are now seen as the biggest victim and have been suffering. Hell, often you can even paint the woman as the evil transphobe who kept you from being your true self.

I can only speak from similar experience in a volunteering situation but 10-15 years ago it was heavy fetishism, cross-dressing and so on.

Now, like you say, it's transing. Abusers get hooked on porn and develop these fetishes but now they get the added benefit of being perceived as an oppressed class. It's perfect DARVO material.

My abusive ex was very into "chicks with dicks" porn.

In fact, while at a bbq, I went to get a drink and then I walked back to the circle of people he was talking with. As I walked up, I heard them talking about "chips and dip". Listen, there is no food I love more than chips and dip. Queso. French onion with ruffles. I went off on how much I love chips and dip.

That... was not what they were talking about. I definitely misheard "chicks with dicks".

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