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130 comments

[–] actualdyke 137 points (+137|-0)

the fact that as soon as he got his gender marker he was "thrilled" at "finally" being able to work with the female patients ...massive red flag. really hope the managers don't bow down to him because it does not sound like he has good intentions

[–] iamovarit 52 points (+52|-0)

It sounds like he’s been waiting on this moment for awhile now.. I seriously hope there won’t be any women alone in his care I don’t even want to think about this creepy asshole getting his hands on them

[–] BowOutAndAway 9 points (+9|-0)

And he has only been on HRT for 7 months. This is obvioiusly a man going through a mid life crisis

[–] penelopekitty 6 points (+6|-0)

Gonna be picky here. You can't replace hormones you're not supposed to have. When men take estrogen it should be said they are taking cross sex hormones, not hormone replacement therapy. They never had that much estrogen to replace.

[–] Srfthrowaway 4 points (+4|-0)

Thank you. We have to be precise in our language and they are cross-sex hormones.

[–] XX_Power 9 points (+9|-0)

I'm extremely surprised at the comments, ive never ever heard a trans actually admit to their sex.

[–] crispycherrypie 112 points (+112|-0)

This is evidence than he needs to be banned from the care industry. He cares more about himself than confusing or upsetting people in his care. Disabled women are an extremely vulnerable group and his response to the safeguards is that it’s “gross” than men don’t have open access to the intellectually disabled.

[–] pennygadget 67 points (+67|-0)

That was a HUGE red flag. He thinks its gross for men not to be able to do intimate care on mentally handicapped women. This is despite KNOWING how prevalent it is for those women to be raped in care even with those safeguards in place!

[–] Tnetennba 48 points (+48|-0)

There is a seriously disturbing number of women in comas raped and impregnated by their male carers.

[–] crispycherrypie 23 points (+23|-0)

And he’s an administrator! Why would he be doing intimate care to begin with? He’s an opportunistic predator.

[–] DietCokeAddict 93 points (+93|-0)

“So the agency has a policy about intimate care, essentially stating that male staff cannot do intimate care with female people that we support. I have always felt that this policy was kind of gross, but it's a sort of necessary evil given that women with intellectual disabilities are sexually assaulted at a rate three times higher than women without.”

He’s answered his own question there. So what if he’s “one of the good ones” who’d never harm a vulnerable woman? That’s what they all say.

[–] iamovarit 59 points (+59|-0)

It speaks volumes that he finds the policy gross but not males sexually assaulting women. It sounds like he wants to contribute to that assault statistic..

[–] MeNsTrUaToR27 28 points (+28|-0)

Bro that's how we know they're absolutely mentally men. A woman's natural reaction would be fear and disgust about how WE GET RAPED

[–] silky 26 points (+27|-1)

This is someone mocking MTFs. Like hell any of them would mention abuse rates.

[–] carpetplaydohx2 33 points (+33|-0)

Naw, this guy's got a lengthy post history dating back months, including documenting the type of work he does. I think it's real.

[–] Womenareterfs 23 points (+25|-2) Edited

Yeah he seems legit.

There are trans people (some trans medicalists) who agree with us. I’ve seen posts on r/honesttransgender where they complain about “transwomen calling themselves lesbians”, that “trans doesn’t mean anything anymore” and that “you can’t say anything without getting banned on big trans subs”.

Unfortunately there’s so few of them we can’t assume a TIM is reasonable. And it’s not possible to support the movement without removing our own rights.

[–] The_Elantrian 23 points (+23|-0)

The good ol' passive voice again. Women "are sexually assaulted". By whom? It should read "men sexually assault women with intellectual difficulties at 3x the the rate that they sexually assault women without." The fact that he thinks that trying to safeguard the above is "gross" should mean that he is kept away from all women forever.

[–] Srfthrowaway 3 points (+3|-0)

Good catch. I absolutely loathe that passive voice. Red flag is now red alert beacons.

[–] Lilim 56 points (+56|-0)

Thought he might be an increasingly rare HSTS because he was already written up for sexual comments about a man (allegedly), not that he should be granted access to vulnerable women in that case either, but I was curious. Looked through the post history and nope. Kid, wife, classic AGP.

I’m betting the woman reported him for being a creep and he thinks it’s for a minor comment when in actuality he was trying to “girl talk” inappropriately with her and other women working with him. Glad the place is being firm about their stance.

[–] MeNsTrUaToR27 23 points (+23|-0) Edited

I long for the day I can #MeToo a TiM coworker over a mildly inappropriate comment I wouldn't flinch at coming from another woman. I want to make it a huge deal. I want to break out the white woman victim card they're always accusing us of using. I want him to know he's not a fellow woman and he never will be, and that there's women out here who will ALWAYS see him for what he is, a creepy fetishistic male. I want him to think twice before he gets too comfortable around women forever

[–] aloe_vera 6 points (+6|-0)

He even suicide baited his wife to stop her from divorcing him.

[–] [Deleted] 6 points (+6|-0)

I don’t know if this makes me a shitty person, but if I were married to a man who announced he was a TiM, and threatened suicide to stop me leaving, I’d be torn between a. Immediately trying to get him committed, because “he’s suicidal, he can’t be trusted to be left alone”, and b. Saying “be my guest, just nothing messy around the good furniture please.”

[–] Srfthrowaway 6 points (+6|-0)

"Please make it look like an accident so I get the double life insurance payout."

I'm going to hell for that one. See you there 🔥

[–] aloe_vera 4 points (+4|-0)

I wouldn't say you are shitty, it's just self-preservation. I have read way too many transwidows stories to know how the story goes. TIMs always try to force the wife to stay to steal her identity, indulge in their degenerate fantasies and use her to validate their new identity. They don't even see her as a person, she is just a tool in their "journey".

[–] LOriginedumonde 53 points (+53|-0)

This is truly sick, he has no business working in the care industry. I have a sinking feeling that the allegation against him has nothing to do with what he claims. How fucking deranged do you have to be to complain about a sexual assault allegation and in the same breath complain that you’re not allowed to give intimate care to vulnerable women??

On a separate note, I love how the crazies on MtF wouldn’t even entertain this post.

[–] Tnetennba 28 points (+28|-0)

Literally NOBODY is honest about their own bad behavior when telling their story. We can safely assume he downplayed it and in reality it's 10x worse.

I don’t know if that’s because he’s too creepy even for them, or because they don’t want to support him openly because of optics (not that concern over looking weird stops them from posting about sissy porn or periods)

[–] hmimperialtortie 20 points (+23|-3)

No TIM should be allowed to work in healthcare. Transitioning should be a sackable offence.

[–] Annie09 50 points (+50|-0) Edited

Dudes already been a problem to a staff person and is thrilled to do intimate care (I worked as a nurse assistant before I went to uni, it's not a glamourous job, it's a lot of body fluids and other gross stuff) so I suspect he was excited to be able to molest and/or rape female patients.

[–] pennygadget 56 points (+56|-0)

My first thought was, "I wouldn't trust any nurse who is GLEEFUL about doing intimate care on a vulnerable person".

My father was in hospital recently. He asked for a male nurse to help him in the toilet (the surgeon required him to have assistance going to the toilet for safety). My dad felt uncomfortable/awkward having a bunch of young nurses doing that kind of care.

Sadly, there was no male staff around that night. But the nurses didn't throw tantrums and cry "SEXIST!" at my vulnerable father. They didn't act like it was their civil right to see his junk. They profusely apologized for not being able to get a male nurse to help and did their best to minimize his embarrassment while in their care. I cannot imagine how anyone who isn't a pervert could react any other way!

[–] KissMyOvaries 18 points (+18|-0)

Agreed.

I think it’s a huge red flag that ANYONE does an enthusiastic happy dance over being able to do intimate care for anyone.

This is more proof that these assholes only care about validation. This is one sick way of getting validation.

Honestly I don’t even think the handmaidens 100% believe that these dudes are women.

[–] Srfthrowaway 4 points (+4|-0) Edited

When my dad was palliative with brain mets, he kept insisting on going to the washroom alone which was absolutely terrifying to my mom and me. Then this young and quite burly male nurse came on service and was able to talk him into letting him assist. None of the women nurses got mad/insulted about that, they were just relieved!

[–] Lilim 31 points (+31|-0)

That would be my suspicion. Either that or he’d get a hit of validation doing “a woman’s job” in which case he’s still a narcissist who cares more about himself than actually looking after patients.

[–] bumpyjerboa 29 points (+29|-0)

it's not a glamourous job, it's a lot of body fluids and other gross stuff

I have a male friend who's a nurse... if you told him he wouldn't have to deal with intimate care for half the patients on his ward, he'd say "great, thanks!" not whine about how it's unfair. He wouldn't care what the reason even was, for fuck's sake.

This man is insane. I’m not well-versed enough in psychology to conjecture whether he’s a narcissist or a sociopath or something else.

So I supervise a group home for adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities. I am not a particularly excellent supervisor (I'm still relatively new to the role, just under two years.) but nor am I the worst in my region. I'm fairly highly regarded for my ability to get stuff, such as PPE or COVID-19 vaccines or disinfectant early on in COVID times.

Good for him. Everyone has different strengths and his seem to lie on the admin side of things rather than directly caring for residents. That’s useful and it takes people with all sorts of skills to run a home like that.

So the agency has a policy about intimate care, essentially stating that male staff cannot do intimate care with female people that we support.

I shouldn’t need to breathe a sigh of relief here, but I did.

I have always felt that this policy was kind of gross,

Oh.

but it's a sort of necessary evil given that women with intellectual disabilities are sexually assaulted at a rate three times higher than women without.

I’m surprised it’s only three times tbh. I wonder who it is that 98 times out of 100 is the perpetrator 🤔

I’m strangely unsurprised though, that this man finds the policy offensive.

A few weeks ago I became a legal woman; my gender marker changed.

Uh-oh. Oh god. He’s not going to suggest... is he?

I was thrilled. I could finally support my female staff in helping with intimate care! After all, I'm a woman right?

Wtf? This person admits his strengths lie on the admin side of things. Why would he suddenly really WANT to perform intimate care?

It’s all about him and his feelings of validation. The residents he’s supposed to be caring for are just tools to support his ego.

What planet does he live on where he thinks the legal fiction he is a woman changes reality? Especially when it comes to caring for intellectually disabled people?

I remember seeing a moving tweet thread by a (former?) transman who said she couldn’t look her patients in the eye any more and lie to vulnerable people and gaslight them into believing she’s really a man. Her job was simply not compatible with her identity.

This guy doesn’t seem to have the same empathy or awareness. At all.

Well, I get told to talk to this same HR human. He tells me that policy isn't clear, so don't do anything.

I hope the HR man gatekeeps till the end of time. You Shall Not Pass.

I've reached out to a trusted administrator who's a true mentor to me but I just feel so disrespected, and I feel like it's a constant reminder that people don't think of me as a woman.

I hope that administrator puts his or her patients ahead of this narcissist’s feelings.

Does anyone else have similar experience? How did you deal?

No replies but a lot of downvotes. Might I be naive in hoping that maybe some TIMs do see the problem with this?

[–] Owlchaser 39 points (+39|-0)

I was thrilled. I could finally support my female staff in helping with intimate care! After all, I'm a woman right?

I've reached out to a trusted administrator who's a true mentor to me but I just feel so disrespected, and I feel like it's a constant reminder that people don't think of me as a woman.

Well, there you go. There is no half-way place where everyone can all get along. I totally understand why he's upset: he's been allowed (legally and socially) to change his name & sex, put on the skin of a woman (so to speak), and everyone including society itself has gone along willingly with this transformation. So what gives? Why isn't this final step falling into place, just like everything else? This is the true end goal, after all. X is now Y. You can't have X remain X, and simultaneously also be Y.

I know a lot of people talk about how they would use preferred pronouns out of kindness and politeness, but this is what pronouns mean. You either are a she, or a he. They are inexorably linked to the words, man and woman. (I've never seen a member of the gender cult identify as one and use the opposite pronoun.) And we should take issue with a man who wants to go by she, or be called a woman, because what the actual fuck is that saying about what men and women are..?

[–] BlackCirce 20 points (+20|-0)

I know a lot of people talk about how they would use preferred pronouns out of kindness and politeness, but this is what pronouns mean.

standing ovation

I am so sick and tired of the holier-than-thou “I use the wrong pronouns to be polite” people. It’s not polite, it’s lying to a delusional person that you believe their delusion. This bad-faith confirmation of delusional beliefs out of “politeness” is considered unconscionable in any other circumstance. Imagine “politely” affirming to a Christian coworker that Jesus Christ is the son of God, if you don’t truly believe that.

[–] mountainwitch 5 points (+5|-0)

It's more akin to telling someone they are Jesus Christ while the rest of the congregation nods politely...

[–] Owlchaser 3 points (+6|-3)

Not trying to be pedantic, but I personally wouldn't lump religion in with delusion. Faith is flawed, for sure, and it always boils down to either being born into a religious household, or agreeing with a religion's values (and wanting the universe to not be a cold place that doesn't care about you. Wanting greater meaning and an "intelligent design".) The ultimate question there is, do you believe life came from particles bouncing together in a void? (And, where did those particles come from?) Or do you believe something had to create those particles & everything else?

Whereas with the gender cult it's just... "reality is defined by humans, so we changing the definitions literally changes x into y." But I get the point you're making.

[–] emptiedriver 1 points (+1|-0) Edited

Imagine “politely” affirming to a Christian coworker that Jesus Christ is the son of God, if you don’t truly believe that.

I think for a lot of people it was something like politely bowing your head for grace when you're in someone else's home. It's become a more aggressively demanded behavior over the years, so that whether you go along with it or not has gained significance, but if you don't have a lot of interactions [*that require it] or it's gained less importance where you are, maybe it still feels like you're just not infringing on their ritual..

[*edit]

[–] PlainSimpleTailor BigGameteEnergy 9 points (+9|-0) Edited

TRAs are all like: "no one is denying biological sex!!!!" all the time, but when it comes to rules and regulations in which biological sex matters, they do a 180 and say that biological sex doesn't exist or matter as long as you feel male or female. If TRAs truly acknowledged biological sex, they would know that men are a much higher physical threat to women, and even more so to vulnerable women. They would know that "but I'm one of the good ones!" doesn't help in preventing sexual assault, you either have to be wary of all males or you give the predatory ones a free pass. Self-ID opens up a multitude of new avenues for predatory men to gain access to women. And while TRAs love to say that no one ever does this: there's so much evidence from their own mouths. If you get upset that someone excluded you for the safety of a vulnerable group, it just shows that whoever decided this absolutely made the right call. TRAs go on and on about "kindness" and "being nice" and respecting other people's boundaries, but then they throw fits over the safety regulations concerning disabled women. If you're a woman and you value kindness so much, it's your turn to show some empathy now. It's your turn to be accepting of something you don't quite understand or agree with because once in a while, other people's needs come before yours. And the fact that it's so hard for TiMs just shows that they're male through and through.

[–] MeNsTrUaToR27 7 points (+7|-0)

he's been allowed (legally and socially) to change his name & sex, put on the skin of a woman (so to speak), and everyone including society itself has gone along willingly with this transformation. So what gives? Why isn't this final step falling into place, just like everything else?

Because people have eyes and can see

[–] Srfthrowaway 1 points (+1|-0)

I know a lot of people talk about how they would use preferred pronouns out of kindness and politeness, but this is what pronouns mean. You either are a she, or a he. They are inexorably linked to the words, man and woman.

Louder for those at the back! You phrase this perfectly.

[–] IronicWolf 30 points (+30|-0)

If he’s the supervisor, surely he shouldn’t be doing intimate care for anyone?

Good point. I assumed I’d misunderstood what a supervisor does, but there is a clue that he wants to “support [his] female staff” in doing intimate care - so I guess it’s not his main task.

[–] pennygadget 17 points (+17|-0)

If he’s the supervisor, surely he shouldn’t be doing intimate care for anyone?

That struck me as well. I have some experience with nursing homes because I've helped manage care for elderly relatives. And, in my experience, the managerial staff are completely separate from the nursing staff, kitchen staff, janitors, etc. Even when its busy, you won't see a supervisor in charge of procuring & managing supplies jump in to help do laundry or wipe asses. You have to be a licensed nurse to even hand someone a pill for liability reasons

[–] queryings 8 points (+8|-0) Edited

I volunteered with recreational programs for individuals with disabilities in high school and the supervisors (especially the male supervisors, actually) would be tagged in occasionally to assist/support the leaders/carers, particularly when someone was sick/absent or if they needed to maintain ratios. It's far more common for women to work as leaders/carers, so they were always on the hunt for male employees, especially since older male participants (understandably) didn't want female leaders to assist them with personal care. Meanwhile, female supervisors did occasionally assist, but it was rarely for personal care reasons because there were usually more than enough female leaders to assist.

[–] pennygadget 25 points (+25|-0)

No replies but a lot of downvotes. Might I be naive in hoping that maybe some TIMs do see the problem with this?

I want to believe that. But I think they're just mad he said the quiet part out loud

[–] DietCokeAddict 10 points (+10|-0)

It looks like he’s deleted his whole account after not getting any supportive comments - maybe the world is getting saner? I hope so!

[–] WholeGrain 🥝 37 points (+37|-0) Edited

https://archive.is/CYsGS

Archived just in case. I noticed that we have a few lurkers here upvoting this reddit post. Your cult is bad and you should feel bad.

[–] AfficheDuneFille 14 points (+14|-0)

Thank you for your excellent foresight! This original Reddit post is deleted now.

[–] IronicWolf 35 points (+35|-0)

This sounds off. Red flag that as a man he thought it was ‘gross’ that men couldn’t perform intimate care on women.

I could weep for how vulnerable disabled women are and easy prey for people like that.

[–] suupersami 33 points (+33|-0)

What's unclear? I'm legally a woman. I present female. I'm not gorgeous by any means but that's not really the bar, is it? But I can't even make much of a fuss because it'll look weird if I really WANT to help them in this way.

This is an incredible red flag here. I'm not sure if he's looking to sexually harass women, or if he's aiming for a nice legal settlement.. but that wording is so disingenuous.

[–] Tnetennba 19 points (+19|-0)

He's aware he's scaring the women... but wants to do it anyway.

[–] carpetplaydohx2 15 points (+15|-0)

I'm not gorgeous by any means but that's not really the bar, is it?

This is such a really weird statement to toss in there, too. As if how attractive he is should have ANYthing whatsoever to do with his providing care for these vulnerable patients. No, no, no, no, no.

[–] IAmNotACat 5 points (+5|-0)

Yeah, "attractive" is totally a euphemism for "I Do Not Pass, At All". So these vulnerable women would 100% know he's a man and most likely be very distressed by him providing intimate care, but his Validation Feelz are just ~soo much more important~.

[–] SulphuricMirror 4 points (+4|-0)

As a man he knows full well that women's worth and status as non-invisible people is tied completely to how attractive males deem us.

[–] vulvapeople 32 points (+32|-0)

I have enough second-hand knowledge of what goes on in hospitals and care homes, that this guy's post really and truly pisses me off.

Most healthy people don't realize how awful it is to be at others' mercy. They don't know what it's like not being able to bathe yourself, and someone else has to do it for you. Or what it's like to shit the bed and have to rely on others to change your sheets and clean your body. Or having to shit in a bowl while a nurse watches. These are some of the most humiliating and dehumanizing things anyone can experience that aren't a violation of basic human rights.

And this fucker is making it all about himself. May he be cursed by living in a care home in his old age, at the mercy of abusive narcissists like him.

[–] pennygadget 21 points (+21|-0)

Most healthy people don't realize how awful it is to be at others' mercy

I got a small taste of it after I had a c-section and it was awful. I couldn't imagine being at the mercy of a deranged AGP when in that state!

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