125

Link here: This will be a bit of a rant.

https://www.autostraddle.com/this-is-an-essay-about-penises/

If you told my young bi self that in 2021 Autostraddle, the lesbian website, would post an essay by a dude about his dick I would say "for April fools day, right?" Yet here we are. Yes, I know Autostraddle has been captured by gender woo for years now. But something I find interesting is lately TIMS have been adopting a more hectoring, berating tone to their supporters and allies. You had better watch out, dudes, because women won't stand being lectured to forever.

He starts with a couple of paragraphs talking about his cock. Seriously, why do men love talking about their dicks so much? No one gives a shit. He then goes on to accuse his supporters, who OF COURSE believe TWAW etc of not being TRUE believers. You see, he has a problem with lesbians - namely, they can't quite get rid of the pesky belief that dicks are associated with men. And it's YOUR fault his dysphoria is so bad. (Note, to any potential trans supporters out there. Nothing you do will ever be good enough. He says it himself. You can date him, you can march for him, you can post supportive tweets - he knows you don't really believe he's a woman. And that makes him mad.)

One of my favourite bits is when he talks about lesbians dating him, but they won't fuck him. "Of course, cis lesbians are still interested in me" he lies to himself. He complains that instead of secret sex affairs, lesbians instead have long drawn out emotional affairs that don't culminate in sex. Boring!

He then complains that the lesbian community constantly subjects him to micro aggressions by making jokes about dick, or by saying that men are trash and dissing their dicks. My dude, you don't get to LARP as a member of an oppressed group, turn up to their meetings and then complain when they say nasty things about their oppressors.

I have to give this dude credit for having enough self awareness to actually get it, even if he doesn't like the truth. He says "You can learn people’s pronouns and post things on Trans Visibility Day and tweet all about how Trans Women Are Women, but if you are still associating genitalia with gender then you have done a whole lot of surface work and changed none of your core beliefs. And so, when I hear these comments, it’s unsurprising when you don’t want to date me. And so, when I hear these comments, it concerns me when you do."

Yes, sir, you absolutely get it. You are correct. Women do not really believe these things they say. You have twigged that it is all performative. They will say they support you, and superficially they will support you. But they will still very much see you as a dude with a dick. And what you want is impossible. He wants to control women's thoughts - he wants their very innermost core beliefs to change, to align with the view that women can have dicks and dicks have nothing to do with men. But, mate, you are never going to get that! And I do wonder how these TIMS are going to react, when more and more of them begin to poke and prod and realise that for most women this belief that TWAW is shallow, unintegrated, and mostly performative. You have scared women into professing allegiance, but not very far beneath the surface they don't really believe it. I had a friend who never spoke to me again because I refused to concede that TWAW. The very next day, after professing to be a true believer, she posted a joke about how 'the best thing about lesbian sex is you can't get pregnant." In her most unguarded, reflexive moments she just DOESN'T REALLY BELIEVE IT. And none of these women really believe it either. Hell, I don't think HE believes it.

At the end of his self absorbed screed he confesses that his loyalties will always lie with TIMS like himself and he doesn't have any loyalty to "cis" women (as he dismissively calls them)and doesn't really care about them. And this, I hope, is partly how this movement will unravel. Because you may not have any loyalty to women, Drew, but you sure as shit need women's support to keep this grift going. And even though women (myself included) have been socialised to be kind and empathetic and accommodating to male desires, our patience does begin to thin when we give and get nothing but contempt in return. You may not like it very much, but women are becoming more and more aware of the tactics of abusive men - we don't like being abused and treated like shit one bit. If you keep treating women like crap, believe me you won't have any allies for much longer.

"I am tired of educating people on this history. I am tired of educating people on the most basic principles of biology. I am tired of first dates turning into gender studies classes. I am tired of not knowing why things didn’t work out with someone and then finding evidence in their microaggressions months later. I am tired."

I imagine it is tiring, to look like a basic-ass male and try to muscle your way into the lesbian community, to have to live on a completely warped parallel reality. I imagine it is. But no one forced you to LARP as a lesbian and impose yourself on their community. It's amazing you even get any reception at all.

And then we get to the disgusting rapey core of this gross paean to his peen: "I feel more certain than ever that visibility and mere acceptance are not enough. The only way to fight transphobia in a way that’s substantial, effective, and permanent, is for our culture to shift its very notion of gender. That is not going to start with transphobes. That’s going to start with people who consider themselves trans-inclusive, but have so much internal work left to do. That’s going to start with a queer woman who respects my pronouns, but is still uncomfortable at the thought of my penis."

You here that, allies? Mere acceptance is not enough. You still have so much internal work to do (isn't this just like scientology? You thought you completed the Bridge, but oh shit you are wrong! Turns out you have to pay 60k to complete the Bridge all over again! You have soooo many thetans left to cleanse!) Did you, trans supporter, really think that waving a flag and using the correct pronouns was enough? Oh, you did? Well, sorry to inform you but you can't be uncomfortable at dick now. Oh, you thought that was a 'Terfy' myth , a boogey man, a fairy tale made up by 4chan? Yeah, well now it's on the front page of your online lesbian magazine.

He then ends with: "I’m not asking for perfection. But I am asking for effort. Not for my sex life — I wouldn’t date most of you anyway — but for my humanity, for the humanity of so many. Don’t repeat platitudes. Really unlearn your binary connections between genitalia and gender. Really unlearn the associations you bring to bodies you’ve yet known. Really unlearn these things and start seeing trans people as individuals, as people. Unlearn these things because if you don’t trans lives will continue to be debated in the Senate and I will not fuck you."

You see that ladies? You aren't putting enough effort in for Drew (speaking of effort, he can't even be bothered to shave properly and change his name). You must work HARDER. Oh and at the end of it you can't expect any reward. Drew is positively dripping with contempt for you. He sure as shit won't fuck you, ew(why are these dudes always so confident that women want them? Drew is a 3/10 at best.) All you have to do is unlearn your deepest concepts and associations (and how the fuck do we do that, Drew? How the fuck do women, especially lesbians, learn how to like dick?) And he ends with a threat that if women don't do all this labour for him he'll pout and not let us fuck him. Oh no, not that! Anything but that!

Of course, I didn't expect anything different but the comments are effusive and gushing.It just continues to disappoint me that no matter how abusive these men act (and they really do behave like the most abusive men I have ever known) they continue to get praise.

Link here: This will be a bit of a rant. https://www.autostraddle.com/this-is-an-essay-about-penises/ If you told my young bi self that in 2021 Autostraddle, the lesbian website, would post an essay by a dude about his dick I would say "for April fools day, right?" Yet here we are. Yes, I know Autostraddle has been captured by gender woo for years now. But something I find interesting is lately TIMS have been adopting a more hectoring, berating tone to their supporters and allies. You had better watch out, dudes, because women won't stand being lectured to forever. He starts with a couple of paragraphs talking about his cock. Seriously, why do men love talking about their dicks so much? No one gives a shit. He then goes on to accuse his supporters, who OF COURSE believe TWAW etc of not being TRUE believers. You see, he has a problem with lesbians - namely, they can't quite get rid of the pesky belief that dicks are associated with men. And it's YOUR fault his dysphoria is so bad. (Note, to any potential trans supporters out there. Nothing you do will ever be good enough. He says it himself. You can date him, you can march for him, you can post supportive tweets - he knows you don't really believe he's a woman. And that makes him mad.) One of my favourite bits is when he talks about lesbians dating him, but they won't fuck him. "Of course, cis lesbians are still interested in me" he lies to himself. He complains that instead of secret sex affairs, lesbians instead have long drawn out emotional affairs that don't culminate in sex. Boring! He then complains that the lesbian community constantly subjects him to micro aggressions by making jokes about dick, or by saying that men are trash and dissing their dicks. My dude, you don't get to LARP as a member of an oppressed group, turn up to their meetings and then complain when they say nasty things about their oppressors. I have to give this dude credit for having enough self awareness to actually get it, even if he doesn't like the truth. He says "You can learn people’s pronouns and post things on Trans Visibility Day and tweet all about how Trans Women Are Women, but if you are still associating genitalia with gender then you have done a whole lot of surface work and changed none of your core beliefs. And so, when I hear these comments, it’s unsurprising when you don’t want to date me. And so, when I hear these comments, it concerns me when you do." Yes, sir, you absolutely get it. You are correct. Women do not really believe these things they say. You have twigged that it is all performative. They will say they support you, and superficially they will support you. But they will still very much see you as a dude with a dick. And what you want is impossible. He wants to control women's thoughts - he wants their very innermost core beliefs to change, to align with the view that women can have dicks and dicks have nothing to do with men. But, mate, you are never going to get that! And I do wonder how these TIMS are going to react, when more and more of them begin to poke and prod and realise that for most women this belief that TWAW is shallow, unintegrated, and mostly performative. You have scared women into professing allegiance, but not very far beneath the surface they don't really believe it. I had a friend who never spoke to me again because I refused to concede that TWAW. The very next day, after professing to be a true believer, she posted a joke about how 'the best thing about lesbian sex is you can't get pregnant." In her most unguarded, reflexive moments she just DOESN'T REALLY BELIEVE IT. And none of these women really believe it either. Hell, I don't think HE believes it. At the end of his self absorbed screed he confesses that his loyalties will always lie with TIMS like himself and he doesn't have any loyalty to "cis" women (as he dismissively calls them)and doesn't really care about them. And this, I hope, is partly how this movement will unravel. Because you may not have any loyalty to women, Drew, but you sure as shit need women's support to keep this grift going. And even though women (myself included) have been socialised to be kind and empathetic and accommodating to male desires, our patience does begin to thin when we give and get nothing but contempt in return. You may not like it very much, but women are becoming more and more aware of the tactics of abusive men - we don't like being abused and treated like shit one bit. If you keep treating women like crap, believe me you won't have any allies for much longer. "I am tired of educating people on this history. I am tired of educating people on the most basic principles of biology. I am tired of first dates turning into gender studies classes. I am tired of not knowing why things didn’t work out with someone and then finding evidence in their microaggressions months later. I am tired." I imagine it is tiring, to look like a basic-ass male and try to muscle your way into the lesbian community, to have to live on a completely warped parallel reality. I imagine it is. But no one forced you to LARP as a lesbian and impose yourself on their community. It's amazing you even get any reception at all. And then we get to the disgusting rapey core of this gross paean to his peen: "I feel more certain than ever that visibility and mere acceptance are not enough. The only way to fight transphobia in a way that’s substantial, effective, and permanent, is for our culture to shift its very notion of gender. That is not going to start with transphobes. That’s going to start with people who consider themselves trans-inclusive, but have so much internal work left to do. That’s going to start with a queer woman who respects my pronouns, but is still uncomfortable at the thought of my penis." You here that, allies? Mere acceptance is not enough. You still have so much internal work to do (isn't this just like scientology? You thought you completed the Bridge, but oh shit you are wrong! Turns out you have to pay 60k to complete the Bridge all over again! You have soooo many thetans left to cleanse!) Did you, trans supporter, really think that waving a flag and using the correct pronouns was enough? Oh, you did? Well, sorry to inform you but you can't be uncomfortable at dick now. Oh, you thought that was a 'Terfy' myth , a boogey man, a fairy tale made up by 4chan? Yeah, well now it's on the front page of your online lesbian magazine. He then ends with: "I’m not asking for perfection. But I am asking for effort. Not for my sex life — I wouldn’t date most of you anyway — but for my humanity, for the humanity of so many. Don’t repeat platitudes. Really unlearn your binary connections between genitalia and gender. Really unlearn the associations you bring to bodies you’ve yet known. Really unlearn these things and start seeing trans people as individuals, as people. Unlearn these things because if you don’t trans lives will continue to be debated in the Senate and I will not fuck you." You see that ladies? You aren't putting enough effort in for Drew (speaking of effort, he can't even be bothered to shave properly and change his name). You must work HARDER. Oh and at the end of it you can't expect any reward. Drew is positively dripping with contempt for you. He sure as shit won't fuck you, ew(why are these dudes always so confident that women want them? Drew is a 3/10 at best.) All you have to do is unlearn your deepest concepts and associations (and how the fuck do we do that, Drew? How the fuck do women, especially lesbians, learn how to like dick?) And he ends with a threat that if women don't do all this labour for him he'll pout and not let us fuck him. Oh no, not that! Anything but that! Of course, I didn't expect anything different but the comments are effusive and gushing.It just continues to disappoint me that no matter how abusive these men act (and they really do behave like the most abusive men I have ever known) they continue to get praise.

187 comments

[–] goatsauce 26 points (+26|-0)

An Autostraddle event is what peaked me! It felt like I was joining a cult. Most of the women at the event were bisexuals with long term male partners who all said they were given permission to "experiment" with a woman and I just noped the fuck home. The only other people were very dudely looking trans women (and one extreeeemely homosexual trans woman). It felt like traveling into another dimension. I hope this dude writes twenty more articles about his stupid dick so more and more lesbians give up trying to do the "internal work" and just accept that this whole ass man is waving his whole ass man finger at them because they won't fuck him like they REALLY MEAN IT. He wants us to take off the fake niceties, and the thing is, the fake niceties are the last pillar that holds up his false woman suit persona.

Which future you want, Drew? Your choices are 1) every woman tells you to your face that she knows you're a man and treats you as such in her mind or 2) every woman continues to boldly lie to you but you get to be pissy and unsettled about it.

[–] notyourfetish 4 points (+5|-1)

Most of the women at the event were bisexuals with long term male partners who all said they were given permission to "experiment" with a woman

Ugh. These women are the absolute worst. They think lesbians are sex toys for them to play with, rather than people with feelings worthy of respect and an actual fucking relationship.

Like, if you really want to be with a woman, then take it seriously. Leave your fucking husband/boyfriend and find a woman to actually date. We're not here to be your playthings!!! And it's amazing how many of them don't see how homophobic it is to expect a lesbian (or yes another bisexual woman) to sign up to be their side piece while they continue with their husband (the relationship they take seriously).

It wouldn't be so annoying if I didn't have to swipe through fifty married bisexual women looking to "experiment" on every single dating app. This in-between the TIMs and straight men who check themselves off as "women."

And so many bisexual women keep the man a secret or try to push for a threesome. But of course, lesbians are "bigots" if we decide we don't want to date bisexuals.

Sorry. I'm just really tired of how lesbians are treated. It's like we just exist to be everyone's sex toy. I'm so tired of this sexist world we live in.

[–] boredfemme 4 points (+4|-0)

We really do get “you have to like dick!” from all sides, its gross. But then they’ll be confused on why we only feel comfortable around other lesbians..

[–] goatsauce 3 points (+3|-0)

Yeah, if we're even allowed to be around other lesbians. I feel like my completely uncontroversial sexuality of only wanting to love and be attracted to actual female women is causing me to have to go underground like a shady asshole instead of being able to just...live my life.

[–] goatsauce 1 points (+1|-0)

Yeah, it was very frustrating! I don't know if it's Autostraddle's culture or what, because it's obviously not all bisexual women who are like this. I have bisexual female friends who date like normal, one person at a time, and are primarily interested in women or at least take dating women just as seriously as dating men. This weird "sex positive" culture promotes this idea that you can just have a lady on the side of your otherwise-heterosexual relationship and that it's totally fine, but lesbians and single bisexual women get pushback for wanting actual commitment and to be taken seriously. As my straight female friend pointed out, if these women were on the prowl to add another man to the relationship, it wouldn't fly, because their male partners would take that as a legitimate threat.