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Link here: This will be a bit of a rant.

https://www.autostraddle.com/this-is-an-essay-about-penises/

If you told my young bi self that in 2021 Autostraddle, the lesbian website, would post an essay by a dude about his dick I would say "for April fools day, right?" Yet here we are. Yes, I know Autostraddle has been captured by gender woo for years now. But something I find interesting is lately TIMS have been adopting a more hectoring, berating tone to their supporters and allies. You had better watch out, dudes, because women won't stand being lectured to forever.

He starts with a couple of paragraphs talking about his cock. Seriously, why do men love talking about their dicks so much? No one gives a shit. He then goes on to accuse his supporters, who OF COURSE believe TWAW etc of not being TRUE believers. You see, he has a problem with lesbians - namely, they can't quite get rid of the pesky belief that dicks are associated with men. And it's YOUR fault his dysphoria is so bad. (Note, to any potential trans supporters out there. Nothing you do will ever be good enough. He says it himself. You can date him, you can march for him, you can post supportive tweets - he knows you don't really believe he's a woman. And that makes him mad.)

One of my favourite bits is when he talks about lesbians dating him, but they won't fuck him. "Of course, cis lesbians are still interested in me" he lies to himself. He complains that instead of secret sex affairs, lesbians instead have long drawn out emotional affairs that don't culminate in sex. Boring!

He then complains that the lesbian community constantly subjects him to micro aggressions by making jokes about dick, or by saying that men are trash and dissing their dicks. My dude, you don't get to LARP as a member of an oppressed group, turn up to their meetings and then complain when they say nasty things about their oppressors.

I have to give this dude credit for having enough self awareness to actually get it, even if he doesn't like the truth. He says "You can learn people’s pronouns and post things on Trans Visibility Day and tweet all about how Trans Women Are Women, but if you are still associating genitalia with gender then you have done a whole lot of surface work and changed none of your core beliefs. And so, when I hear these comments, it’s unsurprising when you don’t want to date me. And so, when I hear these comments, it concerns me when you do."

Yes, sir, you absolutely get it. You are correct. Women do not really believe these things they say. You have twigged that it is all performative. They will say they support you, and superficially they will support you. But they will still very much see you as a dude with a dick. And what you want is impossible. He wants to control women's thoughts - he wants their very innermost core beliefs to change, to align with the view that women can have dicks and dicks have nothing to do with men. But, mate, you are never going to get that! And I do wonder how these TIMS are going to react, when more and more of them begin to poke and prod and realise that for most women this belief that TWAW is shallow, unintegrated, and mostly performative. You have scared women into professing allegiance, but not very far beneath the surface they don't really believe it. I had a friend who never spoke to me again because I refused to concede that TWAW. The very next day, after professing to be a true believer, she posted a joke about how 'the best thing about lesbian sex is you can't get pregnant." In her most unguarded, reflexive moments she just DOESN'T REALLY BELIEVE IT. And none of these women really believe it either. Hell, I don't think HE believes it.

At the end of his self absorbed screed he confesses that his loyalties will always lie with TIMS like himself and he doesn't have any loyalty to "cis" women (as he dismissively calls them)and doesn't really care about them. And this, I hope, is partly how this movement will unravel. Because you may not have any loyalty to women, Drew, but you sure as shit need women's support to keep this grift going. And even though women (myself included) have been socialised to be kind and empathetic and accommodating to male desires, our patience does begin to thin when we give and get nothing but contempt in return. You may not like it very much, but women are becoming more and more aware of the tactics of abusive men - we don't like being abused and treated like shit one bit. If you keep treating women like crap, believe me you won't have any allies for much longer.

"I am tired of educating people on this history. I am tired of educating people on the most basic principles of biology. I am tired of first dates turning into gender studies classes. I am tired of not knowing why things didn’t work out with someone and then finding evidence in their microaggressions months later. I am tired."

I imagine it is tiring, to look like a basic-ass male and try to muscle your way into the lesbian community, to have to live on a completely warped parallel reality. I imagine it is. But no one forced you to LARP as a lesbian and impose yourself on their community. It's amazing you even get any reception at all.

And then we get to the disgusting rapey core of this gross paean to his peen: "I feel more certain than ever that visibility and mere acceptance are not enough. The only way to fight transphobia in a way that’s substantial, effective, and permanent, is for our culture to shift its very notion of gender. That is not going to start with transphobes. That’s going to start with people who consider themselves trans-inclusive, but have so much internal work left to do. That’s going to start with a queer woman who respects my pronouns, but is still uncomfortable at the thought of my penis."

You here that, allies? Mere acceptance is not enough. You still have so much internal work to do (isn't this just like scientology? You thought you completed the Bridge, but oh shit you are wrong! Turns out you have to pay 60k to complete the Bridge all over again! You have soooo many thetans left to cleanse!) Did you, trans supporter, really think that waving a flag and using the correct pronouns was enough? Oh, you did? Well, sorry to inform you but you can't be uncomfortable at dick now. Oh, you thought that was a 'Terfy' myth , a boogey man, a fairy tale made up by 4chan? Yeah, well now it's on the front page of your online lesbian magazine.

He then ends with: "I’m not asking for perfection. But I am asking for effort. Not for my sex life — I wouldn’t date most of you anyway — but for my humanity, for the humanity of so many. Don’t repeat platitudes. Really unlearn your binary connections between genitalia and gender. Really unlearn the associations you bring to bodies you’ve yet known. Really unlearn these things and start seeing trans people as individuals, as people. Unlearn these things because if you don’t trans lives will continue to be debated in the Senate and I will not fuck you."

You see that ladies? You aren't putting enough effort in for Drew (speaking of effort, he can't even be bothered to shave properly and change his name). You must work HARDER. Oh and at the end of it you can't expect any reward. Drew is positively dripping with contempt for you. He sure as shit won't fuck you, ew(why are these dudes always so confident that women want them? Drew is a 3/10 at best.) All you have to do is unlearn your deepest concepts and associations (and how the fuck do we do that, Drew? How the fuck do women, especially lesbians, learn how to like dick?) And he ends with a threat that if women don't do all this labour for him he'll pout and not let us fuck him. Oh no, not that! Anything but that!

Of course, I didn't expect anything different but the comments are effusive and gushing.It just continues to disappoint me that no matter how abusive these men act (and they really do behave like the most abusive men I have ever known) they continue to get praise.

Link here: This will be a bit of a rant. https://www.autostraddle.com/this-is-an-essay-about-penises/ If you told my young bi self that in 2021 Autostraddle, the lesbian website, would post an essay by a dude about his dick I would say "for April fools day, right?" Yet here we are. Yes, I know Autostraddle has been captured by gender woo for years now. But something I find interesting is lately TIMS have been adopting a more hectoring, berating tone to their supporters and allies. You had better watch out, dudes, because women won't stand being lectured to forever. He starts with a couple of paragraphs talking about his cock. Seriously, why do men love talking about their dicks so much? No one gives a shit. He then goes on to accuse his supporters, who OF COURSE believe TWAW etc of not being TRUE believers. You see, he has a problem with lesbians - namely, they can't quite get rid of the pesky belief that dicks are associated with men. And it's YOUR fault his dysphoria is so bad. (Note, to any potential trans supporters out there. Nothing you do will ever be good enough. He says it himself. You can date him, you can march for him, you can post supportive tweets - he knows you don't really believe he's a woman. And that makes him mad.) One of my favourite bits is when he talks about lesbians dating him, but they won't fuck him. "Of course, cis lesbians are still interested in me" he lies to himself. He complains that instead of secret sex affairs, lesbians instead have long drawn out emotional affairs that don't culminate in sex. Boring! He then complains that the lesbian community constantly subjects him to micro aggressions by making jokes about dick, or by saying that men are trash and dissing their dicks. My dude, you don't get to LARP as a member of an oppressed group, turn up to their meetings and then complain when they say nasty things about their oppressors. I have to give this dude credit for having enough self awareness to actually get it, even if he doesn't like the truth. He says "You can learn people’s pronouns and post things on Trans Visibility Day and tweet all about how Trans Women Are Women, but if you are still associating genitalia with gender then you have done a whole lot of surface work and changed none of your core beliefs. And so, when I hear these comments, it’s unsurprising when you don’t want to date me. And so, when I hear these comments, it concerns me when you do." Yes, sir, you absolutely get it. You are correct. Women do not really believe these things they say. You have twigged that it is all performative. They will say they support you, and superficially they will support you. But they will still very much see you as a dude with a dick. And what you want is impossible. He wants to control women's thoughts - he wants their very innermost core beliefs to change, to align with the view that women can have dicks and dicks have nothing to do with men. But, mate, you are never going to get that! And I do wonder how these TIMS are going to react, when more and more of them begin to poke and prod and realise that for most women this belief that TWAW is shallow, unintegrated, and mostly performative. You have scared women into professing allegiance, but not very far beneath the surface they don't really believe it. I had a friend who never spoke to me again because I refused to concede that TWAW. The very next day, after professing to be a true believer, she posted a joke about how 'the best thing about lesbian sex is you can't get pregnant." In her most unguarded, reflexive moments she just DOESN'T REALLY BELIEVE IT. And none of these women really believe it either. Hell, I don't think HE believes it. At the end of his self absorbed screed he confesses that his loyalties will always lie with TIMS like himself and he doesn't have any loyalty to "cis" women (as he dismissively calls them)and doesn't really care about them. And this, I hope, is partly how this movement will unravel. Because you may not have any loyalty to women, Drew, but you sure as shit need women's support to keep this grift going. And even though women (myself included) have been socialised to be kind and empathetic and accommodating to male desires, our patience does begin to thin when we give and get nothing but contempt in return. You may not like it very much, but women are becoming more and more aware of the tactics of abusive men - we don't like being abused and treated like shit one bit. If you keep treating women like crap, believe me you won't have any allies for much longer. "I am tired of educating people on this history. I am tired of educating people on the most basic principles of biology. I am tired of first dates turning into gender studies classes. I am tired of not knowing why things didn’t work out with someone and then finding evidence in their microaggressions months later. I am tired." I imagine it is tiring, to look like a basic-ass male and try to muscle your way into the lesbian community, to have to live on a completely warped parallel reality. I imagine it is. But no one forced you to LARP as a lesbian and impose yourself on their community. It's amazing you even get any reception at all. And then we get to the disgusting rapey core of this gross paean to his peen: "I feel more certain than ever that visibility and mere acceptance are not enough. The only way to fight transphobia in a way that’s substantial, effective, and permanent, is for our culture to shift its very notion of gender. That is not going to start with transphobes. That’s going to start with people who consider themselves trans-inclusive, but have so much internal work left to do. That’s going to start with a queer woman who respects my pronouns, but is still uncomfortable at the thought of my penis." You here that, allies? Mere acceptance is not enough. You still have so much internal work to do (isn't this just like scientology? You thought you completed the Bridge, but oh shit you are wrong! Turns out you have to pay 60k to complete the Bridge all over again! You have soooo many thetans left to cleanse!) Did you, trans supporter, really think that waving a flag and using the correct pronouns was enough? Oh, you did? Well, sorry to inform you but you can't be uncomfortable at dick now. Oh, you thought that was a 'Terfy' myth , a boogey man, a fairy tale made up by 4chan? Yeah, well now it's on the front page of your online lesbian magazine. He then ends with: "I’m not asking for perfection. But I am asking for effort. Not for my sex life — I wouldn’t date most of you anyway — but for my humanity, for the humanity of so many. Don’t repeat platitudes. Really unlearn your binary connections between genitalia and gender. Really unlearn the associations you bring to bodies you’ve yet known. Really unlearn these things and start seeing trans people as individuals, as people. Unlearn these things because if you don’t trans lives will continue to be debated in the Senate and I will not fuck you." You see that ladies? You aren't putting enough effort in for Drew (speaking of effort, he can't even be bothered to shave properly and change his name). You must work HARDER. Oh and at the end of it you can't expect any reward. Drew is positively dripping with contempt for you. He sure as shit won't fuck you, ew(why are these dudes always so confident that women want them? Drew is a 3/10 at best.) All you have to do is unlearn your deepest concepts and associations (and how the fuck do we do that, Drew? How the fuck do women, especially lesbians, learn how to like dick?) And he ends with a threat that if women don't do all this labour for him he'll pout and not let us fuck him. Oh no, not that! Anything but that! Of course, I didn't expect anything different but the comments are effusive and gushing.It just continues to disappoint me that no matter how abusive these men act (and they really do behave like the most abusive men I have ever known) they continue to get praise.

187 comments

[–] EscapedDrone 2 points Edited

So, so sorry that this TIM wouldn't consider dating me. Heartbreaking.

Newsflash - lesbians don't believe that you are a woman, and we won't ever think you are a woman. And because of that, we won't have sex with you. And there is no such thing as a "feminine dick.'

And, finally, none of us are fetishizing you. Really - let that lie go.

I am already a master of separating penises from gender. Penises are weapons that i don't want in female-only spaces. What gender it is attached to is irrelevant.

I feel badly for the young lesbians figuring out their way in the world who have to deal with men like that.

Thank you for your commentary, OP, I certainly can't stomach the actual "essay". I did took a glance at the comments and it's honestly insane. I audibly cackled at some TIM saying "Despite being almost four years post-op, I still struggle a lot with vaginal imposter syndrome. "

The point is for women to be in a permanent state of uncertainty, never sure if they can set a foot right. Convenient.

[–] RisingUp 9 points Edited

I’ve had sex with one lesbian and our pants stayed on — if you call that sex. Of course, that doesn’t mean cis lesbians aren’t interested in me. But if cis men are likely to fuck a trans woman in secret, the cis lesbian counterpart is drawn out emotional affairs with no follow through. There’s just… something… missing. Wonder what that could be.

This is deeply disturbing. The ''drawn out emotional affairs" are basically the transcel equivalent of the Nice Guy complaining that girls will be friends with him and won't fuck him. I doubt the women in these "affairs" think of them that way, they probably just think they're being nice to the sad trans lady and they have no idea he feels entitled to sex from them because they were nice.

And I'd bet good money that the 'pants stayed on' sex was coerced to some degree, through whining or drunkenness and the woman not being able to keep on saying no to him. "Pants stayed on" and his "if you can call that sex" isn't exactly screaming "enthusiastic consent."

I didn't think of that, but you're right. He's just like an intel complaining women will only be friends with him and not fuck him! As for lesbians just being nice to him, I can totally believe it. I remember Dan Savage a few years ago berated a lesbian for not going on a coffee date with at TIM because it would be a nice thing to do.

Yep. He sexually assaulted a lesbian by coercion but she was able to keep him from outright raping her. Maybe it was his first attempted rape, but I bet it won't be his last.

Unlearn these things because if you don’t trans lives will continue to be debated in the Senate and I will not fuck you

oh no!

anyway

This guy is so self-absorbed I want to scream. Loved your snarky commentary though. We need women to point out the obvious misogyny of "brave" trans activists, who are basically asking us to "unlearn" a fact of reality for their sake. Everything about this is disgusting, but what I hated the most was the bit about "I'm not dating you anyways" -- this not-so-subtle negging technique is so male. He acts like it's not about getting his dick wet, but it's actually all about that.

Yes, the emotional pressure and the nastiness (I don't care about you, I'd never fuck you) is pure negging!

[–] Tyro 13 points

Not for my sex life — I wouldn’t date most of you anyway — but for my humanity, for the humanity of so many.

This perfectly illustrates exactly what goes on in so many men's heads, and causes them to harm and exploit women in so many ways.

Their self-worth is entirely bound up, at the core, with their ability to perform sexually. To refuse them sex is to deny their very humanity because they can't help but use sex as validation.

"I wouldn't fuck you anyway, but if you wouldn't fuck me you're invalidating my dickfeels."

Validated dickfeels are not a human right.

this whole comments section is brilliant as well as the OP. I think I upvoted almost every single one.

forgot to say that your points about how it really is all performative are so spot on and savagely truthful and reminds me of my own former allyship (because I ALWAYS knew I'd never be attracted to a TIM) and the local "queer" community around me. and rants from local TIMs about the same "microaggressions" experienced as this TIM whines about. it truly is all performative and it is insane how we are all enacting this grand performance because of a few narcissistic and whiny men. I mean. seriously. head fuck of the millenia.

but none of it means anything. we know it and they know it. it infuriates them yet it won't change because biology and sex are real. because heterosexuality and homosexuality are real. because awkward, unconvincing imitations aren't sexy to anybody. so they are left only with forcing us to continue performing this utter farce in order to 'validate' them so they don't kill themselves. and none of it means anything because it just can't. all they are doing is fighting reality.

The problem is that TIMS have created this situation where women are fearful of speaking up. So women just lie. And I can't blame them. Right now even the tiniest dissent about trans stuff is liable to have a woman be called a terf, a bigot, to be cast out from her community. Another comment got it exactly right...TIMS either have to accept the truth, which is that the vast majority of women do not really see them as women, or they have to accept this shallow performance where women put on this show. This is why ultimately I think telling the truth is so important because otherwise you have to keep lying about bigger and bigger things.

The male entitlement just oozes like slime from that essay. Incredibly off putting. Of course the comments are majority tims like him, haha. But the few “cis” woman commenting are so far gone. How could any logical, sane person read that bullshit and come away with positive thoughts? Dude comes across as a full on rapist creep!

I'm hopeful that eventually women will eventually get tired of being treated like dirt and will see this as straight up abusive behaviour. Because it is. Women don't deserve to be treated this way.

On second thought, I wouldn’t put it past that creep to be faking a few of those so called “cis” lesbians comments. Such a narcissistic loser that could write such crap would definitely fake comments too.

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