122

My autocorrect doesn’t even offer the word matriarchy.

I’m still mad about that stupid “Cooking with Trans Women of Color,” mostly about the Colombian dish that stated families ate it under “matriarchal leadership.” In other words Mom telling everyone that dinner is ready.

Every culture in the world has mothers that tell you to sit down and eat your damn spaghetti. Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.

This is a common pattern I see with woke people. They claim most other cultures are matriarchal. They claim their own are, or their families are.

I don’t care if Mom is head of the household. That’s not matriarchy. Note that it begins and ends with the family. The “leadership” evaporates when it comes to courts, government, means of production, and spirituality. They are few and far between, the higher up you go.

If Colombia were a matriarchy it wouldn’t have a high femicide rate. Or rape.

Stop humble-bragging that your single mom made all the decisions. She had to do all the work because men usually don’t think they have to pitch in. And her power diminishes every step she takes further from the house.

Patriarchy covers the planet. There are degrees of it but it’s everywhere. It’s atrocity denial to say that all other cultures are matriarchal Smurf villages. You are denying what women the world over go through. You are sugarcoating the overwhelming dominance of patriarchy.

My autocorrect doesn’t even offer the word matriarchy. I’m still mad about that stupid “Cooking with Trans Women of Color,” mostly about the Colombian dish that stated families ate it under “matriarchal leadership.” In other words Mom telling everyone that dinner is ready. Every culture in the world has mothers that tell you to sit down and eat your damn spaghetti. Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining. This is a common pattern I see with woke people. They claim most other cultures are matriarchal. They claim their own are, or their families are. I don’t care if Mom is head of the household. That’s not matriarchy. Note that it begins and ends with the family. The “leadership” evaporates when it comes to courts, government, means of production, and spirituality. They are few and far between, the higher up you go. If Colombia were a matriarchy it wouldn’t have a high femicide rate. Or rape. Stop humble-bragging that your single mom made all the decisions. She had to do all the work because men usually don’t think they have to pitch in. And her power diminishes every step she takes further from the house. Patriarchy covers the planet. There are degrees of it but it’s everywhere. It’s atrocity denial to say that all other cultures are matriarchal Smurf villages. You are denying what women the world over go through. You are sugarcoating the overwhelming dominance of patriarchy.

57 comments

[–] ramani 68 points (+69|-1)

You’re absolutely right. I’m an immigrant from a country where my tribal group actually did afford legal rights to women (inheritance of property, for example) when the rest of the country did not, and the women in my family were very strong-willed and resourceful. BUT ... that did not mean they had actual power, or even much agency in their lives. My great-great grandmother was married off right after her first period - she was just a young child!! The husband was a grown man. And another relative was raped and impregnated by one of her in-laws, and forced to both give birth to and give away the baby. I can go on and on. Tragic doesn’t even begin to describe it.

“Woke” people just make up histories of nations and cultures of which they really know nothing, even if they have ancestral connections to them. I’ve seen this in my own cultural group. It’s bizarre and ridiculous. But, like most indulged young people, they think they know everything. And they create some mythological “monster” - Colonialism, for example - before which they theorize everything was wonderful and equal between the different groups of people, and of course there were no binary sex categories and distinctions, etc., etc.

Sometimes I honestly wonder whether it’s because a lot of these people live too much online, and this has distorted their sense of what real life is, especially for women in poor countries in the global south. I’ve lived in both kinds of societies, and the sheer cluelessness of “woke” people is unbelievable.

[–] questioningtw 19 points (+19|-0)

One of my friends is from Mexico and is a busser, she is one of the few female bussers at her work and is highly intelligent and speaks her mind. She also talks about how Mexican men will often openly cheat on their wives and pretty much demand respect even if they are total jerks. I know a woman gardner too that works with her husband and while she mows and does all the stuff the men do, she is also talked down to by the men.

[–] KBash 9 points (+9|-0)

Oh yes, when I lived in Mexico for years men with rings on their fingers would hit on me...when I called them out they’d laugh and talk about their pregnant wife or gf, and then go back to trying to make me sleep with them.

This was common, and a lot of people acted as if it were just inevitable 🤷🏼‍♀️

[–] A_Matriarch 7 points (+7|-0) Edited

I woulda told them to their faces that I hoped their wives were cheating on them with their bosses and friends. 🚶🏽‍♀️🚶🏽‍♀️🚶🏽‍♀️

[–] LadyGlum 18 points (+18|-0)

It is because they live too much online. They're also always very ignorant and not willing to go look outside twitter or tumblr for answers. They can often be kind people but all the TRAs of my acquaintance have dysfunctional friendships, dysfunctional families and turn online. Crucially the part that seems to turn them into TRAs is a lack of curiosity. They're not stupid, but they won't seek out information and decide for themselves. They want to be presented with a set of beliefs they can follow uncritically, though they might pretend otherwise. They really don't like to be asked questions about it because they can't actually answer them. When I see the irate IRAs (not the actual trans) arguing online I often think about my friends and imagine them sitting typing the comments. They want to be nice. They want community. They want to release some of their bitterness and tension. They want to think of themselves as good people. And they're not. They'll spout lies to protect those they are told are the most vulnerable but when actually vulnerable people come along and ask for their help they don't know what to do because real life doesn't happen in slogans and it comes with difficult decisions. Ultimately they just want to do as little as possible to improve the world but also don't want to deal with the guilt of sitting there. So slinging woke-approved statements on twitter is just perfect for them. One of their 123 followers (mostly porn bots) might see that they said black lives matter! They can make a difference!

[–] Owlchaser 5 points (+5|-0)

Really well worded comment :\ I don't get why people can't accept that they aren't perfect. It's difficult at first, to take a blow to your ego, but it makes you feel better about life in the long term.

They want to be presented with a set of beliefs they can follow uncritically

With religion losing popularity at an amazing rate in the west, this isn't surprising. These are the exact same people who would've blindly followed whatever faith they were born into 70 years ago, and relished in looking down on anyone outside the norm.

[–] Neelakesi 17 points (+17|-0)

Asking because of your username, are you Indian / Malayali? 'Malayalis were a matriarchy' is something I have often heard, yet men from the state are some of the most patriarchal that I have met. I have never been able to make sense of it.

[–] ramani 17 points (+17|-0)

I’m South Asian, but beyond that I’m scared to say exactly what part, because of all the doxxing and harassing TRAs are capable of. I live in a super-woke state where TRAs are particularly active too.😕

[–] [Deleted] 3 points (+3|-0)

i hate these statements lol. the entirety of india is patriarchal, even the tribal communities, at this point. everything else is cringe virtue-signalling

[–] littleowl12 [OP] 16 points (+18|-2)

It's such a great way for men to absolve themselves of any responsibility to try to do better. They'll take this one sliver of benefit of colonization- they can blame someone else for their own misogyny. "I'd be so much better if I weren't kept down by white men." You'd be richer and happier for sure, but why can't you treat the women in your life decently right fucking now? If you really value your quest for liberation, don't you have empathy for your mother, daughters, sisters, and lovers who want liberation, too?

[–] ramani 11 points (+13|-2)

This whole “colonialism” thing is just bewildering to me, because in my culture the British Empire came to an end even before my mother was born (and I’m a middle-aged woman, so it was loooong ago)! How a long ago empire still apparently dictates life in South Asia makes absolutely no sense to me on a personal level, and even less sense if you actually study colonial-era history, as I did in college. Hell, I can give quite a few examples of how my family (and quite a few others) benefitted from colonial rule, but you can’t say anything about that because it goes against what the Wokearati deem to be Correct. It’s totally inaccurate, ahistorical and intellectually bankrupt.

NOT to defend colonialism in any way, but countries conquering other countries is a tragic fact of human history from the very beginning of the historical record. We have to move on, somehow, instead of constantly complaining about how every single issue in our lives is due to “colonialism”.

[–] pennygadget 11 points (+12|-1)

"Woke” people just make up histories of nations and cultures of which they really know nothing, even if they have ancestral connections to them.

Its so racist and infantilizing. Woke westerners act as if all POC foreigners danced naked in the fields all day and lived in an egalitarian, gender neutral utopia before The White Man arrived and taught them about gender and misogyny. It also strips POC men of responsibility for the terrible things they do to their own women