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29 comments

[–] darkwolf131 [OP] 36 points (+36|-0) Edited

So yeah, I didn't realize I couldn't add my commentary in the OP, so I'll add it here.

The first thing I thought when I read this was "I could never imagine a woman behaving this way."

I worked in restaurants for years and it was ALWAYS male customers who thought they were hilarious with dumb shit like this. Always. Sure, there were annoying and rude customers of both sexes, but I can't remember a single "comedy routine" coming from a woman...it was always a guy, usually a middle-aged guy, who would do dumb shit like this. And expect his server (and the rest of the people at his table) to just go along with his shit and laugh.

edit now that I'm thinking more about it, I remember when I was working at a diner, a few people I knew from school all worked there too. And people I knew came in all the time (it was a small town). One day, a couple guys a few years older than me came in, I greeted them and sat them, and they asked for a specific server because they "wanted to annoy her." Just...ugh, why?

[–] shewolfoffrance 40 points (+40|-0)

Men find it funny when women are angry, women find it frightening when men are angry.

[–] proudcatlady 10 points (+10|-0)

Pure narcissism. When you’re socialized to believe you’re entitled to everyone’s time, attention, and adulation, this is the result.

[–] shewolfoffrance 34 points (+35|-1)

he gets off on frustrating an underpaid service worker

I used to work in retail and it was always male customers, usually upwards of 40, who would dawdle at the register, forcing me to make small talk, expecting me to laugh at their dumb jokes, or awkwardly hitting on me. It was such an irritating waste of time.

[–] darkwolf131 [OP] 22 points (+22|-0)

Yup. Guys liked to ask dumb questions. Guys would address me with one-word statements. It'd be like:

Me: Hi, welcome to DINER. My name's SERVER and I'll be taking care of you. How are we all doing tonight? Dude: Diet coke.

Okay. You're doing diet coke. fabulous.

One particularly aggravating guy who I still remember to this day, 13 years or so later, did this: family of five sits down, it's a busy Sunday morning, restaurant's pretty packed. So I come over to the table to get their drink orders and he tells me that he needs coffee and toast NOW. I ask the rest of the table what they want, and they double down: Dad needs his coffee and toast to dip in it NOW, they'll give their orders later, but Dad can't do anything until he's had his coffee and toast.

anybody who's served in a busy restaurant knows how important it is to do things efficiently and keep the flow going. This disrupted that flow MAJORLY. Now maybe the guy had diabetes or something and needed that insulin hit immediately, or maybe he was just an entitled asshole...I'll never know. But the fact that the whole family went along with it and framed it as "Dad needs his coffee and toast first before he can function" had me thinking the latter.

and the kicker? Toast takes a minute or two to make. I could've totally taken everybody's drink order, dropped the toast, served the drinks, then got the toast and served it up once it was ready. Instead, I used the time that the toast was taking to, well, toast to serve other tables

[–] shewolfoffrance 22 points (+22|-0)

You just know that family's home life revolved around that overgrown toddler of man. If he needed coffee so badly, he should have had some before he left the house.

[–] proudcatlady 6 points (+6|-0)

It’s literally that scene in Sinister 2 where no one can eat until entitled animal dog “dad” eats. God they did such a great job of creating a caricature of an abusive man. Watching him burn alive at the end was AMAZING.

[–] momofreyrella 1 points (+1|-0)

Thanks for the spoiler!! Ill be watching this on netflix because that is an ending i shall look forward to!

[–] RumHam 0 points (+0|-0)

Do people dip toast in coffee? Is that a thing? I've never seen anyone do that. lol Sounds kinda gross

apparently so, lol. After seeing him do it, I was so curious that I went in the kitchen and tried it.

It was.....okay. Idk, I dipped a slightly buttered piece of wheat bread in the coffee and it just got a bit soggy. Not horrible, but not something I plan to do again

[–] hedy 12 points (+12|-0)

And yet the word we have to describe a person like that is one of few things exclusively reserved for women.

[–] kalina 7 points (+7|-0)

I carried out newspapers for a while as a teen and there were always men - only men - who would always just coincidentally hang out outside the house when I came trying to make smalltalk with me. Mind you I carried them out before 9am on a Saturday.

[–] proudcatlady 8 points (+8|-0)

It annoys me so much we can’t criminalize behavior like this because they have plausible deniability?? What??? EVERYONE knows what they’re doing. Every single human on planet earth. Men will admit this if you bring it up in the context of a woman they care about. Prison.

[–] shewolfoffrance 1 points (+1|-0)

Of course they were only, ever men. Women would mind their own business.

[–] carpetplaydohx2 22 points (+22|-0)

Clearly someone who's never worked in customer service and who gives zero craps about anyone around him -- the star of his very own personal sitcom in his head.

[–] lucrecia 18 points (+18|-0)

She should leave him. He's shown he likes playing games with people and manipulating them, and it won't stop there.

[–] proudcatlady 7 points (+7|-0)

One side of my family is males like that all the way down. She will become the butt of his jokes and laughingstock of her own family, including children she birthed for him for FREE.

[–] Unruly_Rose 16 points (+16|-0)

If he's willing to die on this Everything Bagel Hill, this relationship is toast.

This comment made me laugh, but in all seriousness of course this guy is an asshole and his behavior is inappropriate. I absolutely hate these sorts of "jokes" that are only funny to the guy (and it's always a guy) making them. Other commenters are right to point out that this is a power play, not an actual joke.

[–] proudcatlady 9 points (+9|-0)

I swear AITA set me on the path to radical feminism. That and relationship subreddits. It is so painfully clear in those posts that men are deficient as a class. Made me curious about FDS and never looked back.

I mean, the joke itself made me chuckle. But wasting actual underpaid people’s time…over and over and over…I’ve known SO MANY men like this. None of them are good people and it never goes over well. Stop it. Get some help.

[–] hedy 9 points (+9|-0)

Typical male attempt at behaviour control. Does he also tell them to smile?

[–] Tiramisu 8 points (+8|-0)

I can't believe that OP has been letting it slide for five years. The boyfriend is the worst kind of person. He's abusing people that he knows can't defend themselves.

[–] ALesbian 3 points (+3|-0)

My parents always told me that if he treats waiters and people in similar jobs badly, one day he's going to start treating you the same way.

[–] IronicWolf 3 points (+3|-0)

What I don’t get are the comments saying ESH because it is apparently OP’s responsibility to ensure that her boyfriend doesn’t bully staff.

[–] RikkiTikkiTavi 2 points (+2|-0)

Oh how I loath this kind of personality - and yes it is almost without exception men.

How do you treat the people you feel are beneath you? It all boils down to that. It is not enough that the waitstaff are by the nature of their employment, required to do this bidding - be at his beck and call. Nope. He has to run them through his particular squirrel cage activity all for some supposed 'joke'. But it is not a joke because there is no laugh. He just keeps to the schtick until it conclusion where he places a different order. He is a 'performance artist'.

What is also true is that his audience is his girlfriend. She is required to sit silent and watch him perform this same skit over and over again for 5 years. It probably does not happen every week, but I would bet you it happens at least once or twice a month. So she has seen this skit 60 - 120 times. It took that long for her to have enough of him exhibiting this strange need for attention - his performance art.

I hope she understands that there is no way this is going to work out between the two of them. He will not change - his whole family does this and no doubt will do this to the grave. I suppose if she grovels enough he might forgive her for this transgression but he would always hold this over on her - and no doubt part of her penance would be to witness him abuse the next waitstaff but much more viciously and prolonged all the while she would be required to sit there and watch. Heck, probably they would have to take a sort of breakfast joint vacation where they would hit a dozen or more new places so he could make her watch and know that her place in the world it to be his appreciative audience.

Get clear girl and take a good long look at yourself. That act should have been a big red flag long before 5 years had passed.

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