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I know quite a few women and men who identify as non-binary. The main thing they have in common is that when they're "expressing" their gender (and note: this is definitely an active performance they put on), it's always incredibly childlike.

They're also all mentally ill and autistic as an aside. (As am I, which is why I tend to run into these people a lot in support circles.)

They'll wear childlike clothing, cuddle stuffed toys, even their language seems to regress. The memes they share are always pastel-coloured children's cartoon-style things. It's such a stark contrast when you're around them in person and they suddenly have to go into normal adult mode to get something done and the mask slips. No more "just be kind"s and "uwu soft demigender enbie" babble when they're making phone calls or doing dishes or paying a bill.

Perfectly rational adults start acting like they're pre-pubescent children when it's time to play gender in front of people. It's so forced and creepy and there's always this weird horrible undercurrent because these are the same people who will send death threats to "TERFs."

I know quite a few women and men who identify as non-binary. The main thing they have in common is that when they're "expressing" their gender (and note: this is definitely an active performance they put on), it's always incredibly childlike. They're also all mentally ill and autistic as an aside. (As am I, which is why I tend to run into these people a lot in support circles.) They'll wear childlike clothing, cuddle stuffed toys, even their language seems to regress. The memes they share are always pastel-coloured children's cartoon-style things. It's such a stark contrast when you're around them in person and they suddenly have to go into normal adult mode to get something done and the mask slips. No more "just be kind"s and "uwu soft demigender enbie" babble when they're making phone calls or doing dishes or paying a bill. Perfectly rational adults start acting like they're pre-pubescent children when it's time to play gender in front of people. It's so forced and creepy and there's always this weird horrible undercurrent because these are the same people who will send death threats to "TERFs."

38 comments

[–] Yemaya 116 points (+116|-0)

I feel like a lot of genderists in general are adults who don’t want to take adult responsibility. Like so many of them online want donations thrown at them for being “trans and queer” lol ok? Get a job.

I’m a black and a lesbian but I don’t act that’s a hinderance and that can’t do for myself.

[–] BogHag 52 points (+52|-0) Edited

I always have to wonder what % of trans is "black disabled transbian on the verge of being homeless". GoFundMe link below.

Tumblr is swamped with trans e-beggars.

[–] [Deleted] 24 points (+24|-0)

I always have to wonder what % of trans is "black disabled transbian on the verge of being homeless".

Probably not small, but aren't most transbians white?

[–] BogHag 39 points (+39|-0) Edited

You'd think. But the GoFundMe links come out and suddenly everyone is a disabled trans homeless POC.

[–] AlphaCanisMajoris 20 points (+21|-1)

Most of the trans people I see asking for financial help on social media aren't white.

[–] carpetplaydohx2 12 points (+13|-1)

Probably not small, but aren't most transbians white?

From what I've seen, yes. And they almost to a man claim to be disabled, autistic, special needs, and whatever else they think will help them get more $$$$.

[–] AlphaCanisMajoris 50 points (+50|-0)

It makes me so angry. They act like being able to work means that one is "privileged." But then turn around and talk a big talk about "working-class solidarity" and disadvantaged people, etc.

I've worked blue collar manual labor jobs my whole life. I paid for a significant part of my own college tuition. I support myself. I manage to do this in spite of living with depression and other mental health issues. But according to these assholes, I'm "privileged" because I'm capable of getting up early in the morning, keeping myself clean, and getting to work on time.

Having enough self-discipline to hold down a job, especially one that requires a lot of physical strength & endurance, isn't a privilege. I don't have a choice. Either I work, or I don't have a roof over my head & food on the table.

[–] goatsauce 29 points (+29|-0)

According to my therapist friend, what a lot of people who suffer from executive dysfunction issues need IS the structure of getting up early, getting clean, and getting somewhere on time. If you don't have that external expectation put on you, and you're unable to do it for yourself, it's incredibly hard to enforce some sort of structure onto your own life in a way that's conducive to being more functional. The majority of people will thrive much easier in a structured environment where they have to meet some sort of expectation, and sometimes it's just finding the right structured environment (retail versus an office job versus the service industry versus manufacturing, etc) that suits your work style and mental health.

The blue collar people in my friends circle are all incredibly proud of how hard they work and how much they accomplish. Being a builder was one of the few things that kept my dad sane for so many years, because it was just the right amount of physical labor to keep his anxiety in check. Some of these "enbies" should try a new field, maybe.

[–] FeminineMistake 17 points (+17|-0)

Even garden variety depression and anxiety can benefit from this. I saw a lot of this in the lockdowns; people who have these issues at quite a low level, in the sense that it didn't really interfere with their lives normally, suffering.

And it was in part because of the loss of structure. Even if you had to telework 9-5, you don't need to get dressed, you can have breakfast in a midmorning break, you can put off a shower until lunch ... even with regular hours, the regular weekday routines started to fall apart. And a lot of my friends in this situation are pretty high achievers, and so had trouble with an 'off' switch at the end of the workday, because there was no "time to go home" cue, and worked late into the evening.

Those with super flexible work, where a 9-5 expectation didn't exist, had it even worse. They could become almost nocturnal, scramble their sleeping, eating, hygiene, and exercise schedules, and it didn't matter as long as they got their deliverables in. But the lack of schedule completely wrecked their moods and worsened the otherwise liveable depression and anxiety.

Tangent/TL;dr but I think relevant in that while a lot of us think we might like all our whims accommodated (I'd like to sleep in every day, and eat breakfast for dinner at 3 am!) end up functioning poorly when we get to live like that. Having a built in excuse ALL THE TIME for why you are speshul and delicate and must be accommodated may give people what they think they want, but not at all what they need.

[–] actualdyke 56 points (+56|-0)

i feel like the whole gender thing is extremely appealing to these people's inner children. you literally get to just be babied and fussed over and protected and treated like the most special little angel in the whoooole world. a lot of them seem to be very unloved and crave this attention terribly.

[–] UnburnableWitch 19 points (+19|-0)

And for those who are female, I feel like many of them probably (and honestly to me understandably) don’t want to deal with being a woman or have some sort of trauma related to their experience as a woman and this is a way to escape it.

[–] jewnicorn 48 points (+48|-0)

I live with 3 flatmates and one of them is a 27 year old woman who claims to be NB. In 27 years of life she only had two jobs and only worked these jobs for 3 months max. She lives off her dad’s pension and has been trying to finish her 4 year major for almost 8 years now. She knows I’m GC but she doesn’t dare to talk about it when I’m around. All her friends hate me. She only has online friends on Twitter and I think she’ll never delete her Twitter in her life because it’s the only place where her identity is “real”. Overall I just pity her. No NB will make me feel inferior to them, ever.

[–] l4urieforman 16 points (+16|-0) Edited

no cap I know someone EXACTLY like this, but way more annoying

This "ënby uwu" woman I used to call a friend, (but since I stopped headpatting her and called her out on her bullcrap she now is making me look bad and shit talking me on the internet) is close to her 30s and still live with her parents at a favela in a big city here in my country, this itself is not a problem because its very common here (specially among poor people) for people to live with their parents until marriage or moving to other cities for studying/working

problem is, this almost 30yo only worked like twice on her entire fucking life (I swear, its not even hard stuff like mcdonalds or telemarketing, she used to get lucky enough to get super easy jobs on air conditioned offices or fancy clothing shops but never lasted more than 1 month), never even bothered on studying after finishing high school, going to college or taking vocational schools and lives all her life on leeching her parents out to get hair dye, plushies, chokers and other useless stuff. Last fight I had with her was because she god FUCKING MAD at her parents for not lending money to her to visit her e-boyfriend on Uruguay and wanted me to back her lmao?

[–] Intuiterf 37 points (+37|-0)

Is this solely a gender thing? Their behavior sounds identical the people who RP as children in BDSM to appeal to their pedo partner. (The DDlg community) I wonder how much overlap there is between these two communities, their popularity seems to have risen around the same time.

[–] Jinera 30 points (+30|-0)

Although I am not part of the DDlg community, I have friends who are and have personally been active in the BDSM community, and ive never seen so many trans people as in the BDSM and even more so the DDlg community. Not just TIMS, also TIF's.

[–] blackflag 23 points (+23|-0) Edited

can this also be linked to childhood abuse as well? both parties are reverting to a child-like state of mind to cope with something.

[–] NotCis 26 points (+26|-0)

I'm surprised they can even do dishes or pay a bill tbh. I see a lot of learned helplessness and hardcore leaning into "self-care" on social media that actually looks like failure to adult.

[–] ryyemouse 23 points (+23|-0)

Yes and on the money about the mentally ill thing. The girl i know is such an attention hog about it, it is so impossibly annoying. Always into these boring cartoon subcultures and constantly on my ass about the pronoun thing.

SHE EVEN CALLED ME OUT BECAUSE I CALL HER ‘girl’ IN CONVERSATIONS! It’s like the most mundane thing I say, and it’s the same as calling someone ‘dude’ or ‘homie’ but she can’t stand it lmao

[–] goatsauce 11 points (+12|-1)

It's always the cartoons! The weird number of adult women who get obsessed with cartoons that are aimed at literal children, and then obsess about shipping characters online, is astounding. Cartoons are fun, but they're not meant to be catered to adults. Much like the way My Little Pony somehow got co-opted by adult men. There's not enough societal pressure to not fully revert to childhood rather than seeking the occasional bout of escapism (which is normal, but not in excess).

[–] penelopekitty -3 points (+9|-12)

Thank you for this. I got downvoted into oblivion for saying the same thing on this site not too long ago. Video games - > Anime -> Porn. Childish interests that ultimately lead to depravity. People need to grow up.

[–] OurLady 18 points (+18|-0)

While I know and like many trans people, every non-binary person I've met so far has been a whinge and a chancer. They are usually either manipulative as sin or unqualified to deal with basic adult problems and both types feel the need to demarcate themselves as special to justify this. I think a lot of them are also the type to try and identify into mental illnesses they haven't been diagnosed with, again, to justify their poor behaviour.

[–] citrus 15 points (+16|-1)

The one time I hung out with gender people they just played Gravity Falls episodes. I never had the experience of sitting and watching literal kids cartoons with adults a couple yrs older than me (I was 26) and them genuinely engaging with it, like seriously watching it. All my other experiences watching literal kids cartoons as an adult and with other adults has been like as background noise, nostalgia watching with your new adult lens, or taking the piss.

Most people I know who watch kids cartoons also watch adult cartoons, but those people didn't strike me as the type who liked adult cartoons. It actually made me feel really uncomfortable, but I'm not sure why.

[–] RawSienna 11 points (+11|-0) Edited

If these people are adults, they’re emotionally stunted. If they’re teens, they’re acting like teens + internet + 2021.