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I recently received a letter from a lactation consultant, asking for support to enable her to help women who are unable to pay for her services. I noticed that her letter, and her website, are carefully worded to avoid using the words "woman" and "mother". It's all "families" and "parents"--she still uses the word "breastfeeding" at least.

Here is the letter I wrote, which I wrote on the back of a photo of a TikTok-er who has had nullification surgery, leaving nothing but a straight scar across her chest. I was going to just let it go, toss her beg letter, but my Nigel encouraged me to speak out.

Dear --,

I have supported your work in the past but I can't, in good conscience, do it anymore. It was quite obvious to me that you have carefully avoided using the words "women" and "mother" from your website and your letter.

I have friends whose daughters decided they were trans, and/or non-binary, who donned binders, re-named themselves, took hormones. They were so convinced this would be the key to happiness, but they were wrong.

When did "woman" become a bad word? Why do so many girls and young women decide that it's a bad thing to be? It's as life affirming to deny one's body as it is to cut it, to starve it.

We--our society--are failing these girls. I can't support an organization or individual who is complicit to, or who promotes female erasure. This is what you are doing, despite your best intentions, and your kind heart.

Sincerely,

me

I recently received a letter from a lactation consultant, asking for support to enable her to help women who are unable to pay for her services. I noticed that her letter, and her website, are carefully worded to avoid using the words "woman" and "mother". It's all "families" and "parents"--she still uses the word "breastfeeding" at least. Here is the letter I wrote, which I wrote on the back of a photo of a TikTok-er who has had nullification surgery, leaving nothing but a straight scar across her chest. I was going to just let it go, toss her beg letter, but my Nigel encouraged me to speak out. Dear --, I have supported your work in the past but I can't, in good conscience, do it anymore. It was quite obvious to me that you have carefully avoided using the words "women" and "mother" from your website and your letter. I have friends whose daughters decided they were trans, and/or non-binary, who donned binders, re-named themselves, took hormones. They were so convinced this would be the key to happiness, but they were wrong. When did "woman" become a bad word? Why do so many girls and young women decide that it's a bad thing to be? It's as life affirming to deny one's body as it is to cut it, to starve it. We--our society--are failing these girls. I can't support an organization or individual who is complicit to, or who promotes female erasure. This is what you are doing, despite your best intentions, and your kind heart. Sincerely, me

23 comments

[–] FeminineMistake 47 points Edited

Well done.

There’s no lactation consultant in the world who can help a de trans mother who had a voluntary mastectomy to breastfeed. And the damage from binders and hormones is also not trivial. If she’s serious about helping mothers to breastfeed, she can’t be on board the trans wagon.

Maybe she's trying to appeal to TIMs who fetish feed.

[–] goodyusername [OP] Team Terflair 1 points

I know her--I doubt this--I think she's trying to be 'inclusive', to enbys and TIFs.

Good for you! It's a great letter and I'm sincerely proud of you.

Unfortunately I imagine she's still going to keep using this bullshit language because she needs money. She probably agrees with you but believes she can help more women using the gender woo language than not. Here's to hoping that terfism becomes the norm eventually and we can all return to sanity and clarity.

Unfortunately I imagine she's still going to keep using this bullshit language because she needs money.

She would be wrong if she had this perspective, because I guarantee you the vast majority of people seeking out her services are not going to notice she isn't including people who wouldn't even seek her services (de-breasted women). Any complaints she receives would likely be from people who aren't even involved.

That’s a wonderful letter. Polite, kind, to the point & impactful. Brava!

Good for you! I have gotten into arguments with women in these positions and others (sleep consultants etc.) who obscure language and erase women. They should be on the frontlines with us.

Separate question, what does Nigel mean? I've seen it here a few times.

I think it's a reference to a meme, 'Not my Nigel', which makes fun of women who say 'not all men' and that their husbands aren't like other men.

[–] bellatrixbells No flair. 🙁 7 points

Great idea to put it on the back of that picture. Well done you.

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