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Forgive any rambling; I'm slightly in my cups. I just got home from an overall lovely night, full of friends laughing and singing around a bonfire. There was a TIM present who I generally don't have a problem with; I actually relate somewhat to his struggles with gender as a fellow autistic person. Tonight, though, he said something that really bothered me, and I wasn't sure how to react.

Basically, he sang a song that he claimed was his favorite, which was written by a woman from a female perspective. I also enjoy this song, so I kept time and joined in on the choruses. I was happy to share this moment with a fellow human being, regardless of our ideological disagreement. Afterward, though, he started talking about how his longtime enjoyment of this song "should have been a clue that [he] was an egg." This completely broke any comradely kayfabe.

I felt, and still feel, humiliated by the way that he so casually admitted that relating to a song about a woman was impossible for him as a man. I felt like the experience the song described, which I'd always considered something fundamentally human, was being othered by him. I'm only articulating the feeling now as I write this post, so of course I had no idea what to say in the moment. I don't think I said anything. But the other women at the bonfire nodded along with encouragement, which was humiliating in itself. Where is the self-respect? Where is the acknowledgement that female experiences are human experiences, capable of being related to by any man with a brain and a sense of curiosity? Why aren't we holding men to the standard of having those things?

Forgive any rambling; I'm slightly in my cups. I just got home from an overall lovely night, full of friends laughing and singing around a bonfire. There was a TIM present who I generally don't have a problem with; I actually relate somewhat to his struggles with gender as a fellow autistic person. Tonight, though, he said something that really bothered me, and I wasn't sure how to react. Basically, he sang a song that he claimed was his favorite, which was written by a woman from a female perspective. I also enjoy this song, so I kept time and joined in on the choruses. I was happy to share this moment with a fellow human being, regardless of our ideological disagreement. Afterward, though, he started talking about how his longtime enjoyment of this song "should have been a clue that [he] was an egg." This completely broke any comradely kayfabe. I felt, and still feel, humiliated by the way that he so casually admitted that relating to a song about a woman was impossible for him as a man. I felt like the experience the song described, which I'd always considered something fundamentally human, was being othered by him. I'm only articulating the feeling now as I write this post, so of course I had no idea what to say in the moment. I don't think I said anything. But the other women at the bonfire nodded along with encouragement, which was humiliating in itself. Where is the self-respect? Where is the acknowledgement that female experiences are human experiences, capable of being related to by any man with a brain and a sense of curiosity? Why aren't we holding men to the standard of having those things?

13 comments

If they saw female experiences as human experiences, they wouldn't be trans. The entire foundation of their cult belief system is that there is some "feeling" that ~3.9 billion women share that is separate from the feeling that ~3.9 billion men share. If they saw women as equally human to men, they'd understand we're just normal people living our lives who happened to be born one of the two sexes. They'd know there is no way to copy us or identify into our group because being a woman goes no further than that. This is why I don't bother trying to see past differences with TIMs. The sexism and dehumanization is guaranteed if someone thinks woman is a feeling rather than a sex.