At 4-foot-10 and 97 pounds, he felt he had certain disadvantages. “Women don’t like short men,” he said. “I kind of had to give myself all the edge up on the competition I could get.”

This is tragic. Ben is a "man" with the height of an average fifth-grade boy and a permanently strapped-on strap-on dildo. This is one of the instances in which the word "pansexual" is useful, because Ben's dating pool consists entirely of women who are pansexual—that is, open to any kind of genitals (including surgically constructed genitals) and any combination of primary and secondary sexual features. Not a lot of women match this description.

Of course, Ben could be 6'1" with the physique of a Greek god, and she'd still be frozen out of her desired dating pool because straight women like dick. This is a hard lesson that most lesbians learn early on: most of the people you find attractive simply will never be attracted to you, even if you yourself are conventionally attractive, funny, kind, successful, et cetera. That's just how sexual orientation works.

[–] ProxyMusic 12 points Edited

she'd still be frozen out of her desired dating pool because straight women like dick.

Yes, some do. But I think it's more accurate to say straight women are attracted to men/males overall, and men happen to come equipped with dicks. The whole idea that for straight women it's all or even largely about the dick seems to come from men and the dick-focused dominant culture, not from straight women. Men of all sexual orientations are obsessed and impressed with their dicks and the dicks of other guys; straight women, not so much.

I was reading some research a while back on men with micro-penises. The Western male researchers and medical clinicians all took it for granted that men with itty-bitty dicks would feel sexually inadequate and won't be able to have sexually satisfying relationships. But it turns out the men who are attracted to and involved with women do fine dating-wise, and feel fine about themselves and satisfied with their sexual prowess.

Like the old song from the 1950s that Maria Mulduar had a hit with in the early 1970s said:

It ain't the meat it's the motion/That makes your momma wanna rock/It's the movement it isn't the stock/It ain't the meat it's the motion/It's the action that gives it the sock


This is a good point. It's not just the dick, but the male physique that is attractive to straight women - their wide shoulders, strong chest, strong arms, necks, hands...just thinking on that makes me, ah, well...y'know.

I mean, we can smell them. There are studies where women blind smell shirts of their close male relatives, men they find attractive and men they don't...women prefer the smells of the men they find most attractive despite not knowing who the shirt came from.

[–] Tesserae_Tali 9 points Edited

But micropenises are still penises. I'm sure there are some straight women who would be willing to date a man who had no penis whatsoever (either because he lost it in an accident or because of an intersex condition), but I imagine that they're a minority. My point is that Ben is almost certainly mistaken in thinking that women who want a partner with a penis will regard a partner with a phalloplasty as an acceptable substitute.

[–] ProxyMusic 4 points Edited

Yes, you're right. And micro-penises are still attached to a man, who will be built like a man, smell like a man, sound like a man, emit male pheromones, etc.

I was just pointing out that most women who are into men are attracted to the whole package, not just the dick - or to parts of the package separate from the dick. Yes, some women like and lust after dick itself. But in my observation, that is not the object of most women's desire. Ben is totally fixated on her fauxllus, spending hours a day just looking at it. But most straight women don't tend to spend much time fantasizing about dicks, picturing dicks in our minds, or looking at photos of dicks the way Ben seems to have done. Or at least women not raised on internet porn don't tend to do this. I realize that as a boomer I might be out of touch with what many much younger women today do.

Back in the 1960s, there were head shops that sold dick-shaped candles that supposedly were made from molds of rock stars' dicks. All the girls and women I knew back then responded, Ew, gross, blech. The candles never took off and became a popular novelty item as the makers originally hoped - not even as gag gifts. They just gathered dust on the shelves.

Ben's got more to overcome than her phalloplasty. I think a woman would have to have mental health challenges of her own to get involved with someone who would do such a thing to herself.

I couldn't agree more. The focus on "genitals" as the object of sexual orientation seems weird to me, the product of a kind of Mx Potato Head view of humanity. It's men I'm attracted to, not penises, which actually are kind of off-putting until the action begins.

Seriously. It's like a turkey neck. It's not attractive. It's what they can do with it. And stopping to pump up an arm skin balloon that just can't possibly look or feel or perform the same... it's not the same.

I agree. The idea of "genital attraction" seems to come from Mr Potato Head and porn. Most straight and bi women I know think penises and balls are funny looking and sort of pathetic from an aesthetic point of view. It's the whole package that's appealing. But if asked about which body parts of men are most alluring, most straight women will cite something other than the the genitals.