46

I've been part of an LGBTQ+ (Ugh) women's group for a few years, and I've been touched without consent (and I told them to stop), have been told to find a house in the city I live in for another person (I refused), stalked, patronised (I told them to shut up)...all by transwomen.

I'm able to stand up for myself, but the group is definitely not a safe space for me once the TiMs show their heads. I don't face these issues in other places. Even if men try, a glare is enough for them to back off.

There are a few very loud voices who support these people. Basically, if someone stops touching me when I say no, they are 'respecting my opinion'. Definitely not, when the same guy wouldn't dare to if he wasn't wearing lipstick. The vast majority of women are silent, and when we meet without any TiMs, we really enjoy ourselves (including the ones who support TiMs).

Are the women who support these basically saying "I'm your friend, don't grope or stalk me?" It makes way too much sense.

I've been part of an LGBTQ+ (Ugh) women's group for a few years, and I've been touched without consent (and I told them to stop), have been told to find a house in the city I live in for another person (I refused), stalked, patronised (I told them to shut up)...all by transwomen. I'm able to stand up for myself, but the group is definitely not a safe space for me once the TiMs show their heads. I don't face these issues in other places. Even if men try, a glare is enough for them to back off. There are a few very loud voices who support these people. Basically, if someone stops touching me when I say no, they are 'respecting my opinion'. Definitely not, when the same guy wouldn't dare to if he wasn't wearing lipstick. The vast majority of women are silent, and when we meet without any TiMs, we really enjoy ourselves (including the ones who support TiMs). Are the women who support these basically saying "I'm your friend, don't grope or stalk me?" It makes way too much sense.

12 comments

[–] Luckystar 24 points (+24|-0)

I was never an aggro handmaiden but I used to be on "the other side", and for me the fear of being labeled TERF and socially ostracized kept me in line for a long time. When I finally cracked I did lose 2 friends but I honestly feel so much freer without them. It was so exhausting trying to use "they" pronouns for a literal whole ass man with a beard who wanted oppression points.

[–] Goblin 0 points (+0|-0)

The fear is something that in hindsight seems ridiculous but it was so terrifying at the time. Glad I made some normie friends and got some distance to all the woke stuff.

[–] ramani 14 points (+14|-0)

Maybe ... ? But I’m not LGB so I haven’t experienced this i.r.l. However, as a woman I’d venture to say that the women in your group are probably also very afraid of getting piled-on and ostracized if they support you against the TiMs, or say something against the TiMs’ behavior towards you.

Have you talked to the other women in the group about what the TiMs did to you, and/or how you’re uncomfortable around them? If so, how did these other women react? Did they give you a hard time?

I really think that more women need to wake up to these TiMs’ behavior and speak out against it, otherwise it’s just going to get a lot worse, and it frightens me to no end that women will just end up getting physically attacked/killed before anyone wakes up.

[–] Reedit74 [OP] 14 points (+14|-0) Edited

I haven't spoken about the incidents collectively. And when I have, the reaction is that it was good that I spoke up for myself, and the other person is a wonderful human being for stopping when 'she' was told to stop.

The TiMs and the loud voices were absent once - only 20 or so women were present, and one of the young girls showed a flirty message from a TiM (He has a wife and kids). Led to everyone talking about their own experiences. All of us are uncomfortable around TiMs.

I'm really scared to speak up, though. It might easily end in my losing my job and support circle.

[–] crispycherrypie 17 points (+17|-0)

All of us are uncomfortable around TiMs.

In my experience, this is how it goes. In public, you'll see women saying the TWAW line, but in private they will open up to you about how TIMs make them uncomfortable.

[–] KissMyOvaries 6 points (+6|-0)

This is bullshit.

“She is so brave and stunning for stopping her assault of you when you told her to stop!”

Nobody would say the same if it was a man.

“”He is so brave and stunning for stopping his assault of you when you told him to stop!”

See? These assholes are creeps.

Point this out to your friends.

Say to these TIMs “it’s a very male type of behavior to touch women without their consent.”

I’m just saying they don’t actually care about passing or else their behavior would change too.

[–] starsstorm 4 points (+4|-0)

They don’t care at all. All three of the men I know who have transitioned are creeps who touch inappropriately and use their trans status as a kind of get out of trouble free.

[–] Reedit74 [OP] 1 points (+1|-0)

I am not going to talk to any of the women who support TiMs. If they were capable of listening to reason and to their own instincts they wouldn't support TiMs.

[–] AriadneOnNaxos 11 points (+11|-0)

Back when I was following along with the crowd, half of me was afraid of being called out, the other half was baffled, but sure that somehow it was the decent thing to do and if I only was smart enough to understand Butler et al, I would understand why.

[–] Terfest_Shadow 10 points (+10|-0) Edited

I absolutely think this is part of it, in like a "Hey you can't do anything to me, I'm on your side" kind of way. It's like feeding a bear in the hopes that it won't try and eat you next.

I've known other women in college who've tried to "make nice" with TIMs, only for them to be pushy, invasive and outright disgusting in return. But naturally, no one wants to say anything to them outright, so everyone just remains quietly uncomfortable while the TIMs get away with whatever they want.

It's a mix of pity, fear and social intimidation.

[–] drdee 4 points (+4|-0)

Ha, when I saw the word 'them' in your headline I thought it meant 'TiMs' getting harassed...why am I not surprised that 'them' means women.