69

This is US only, though I'm sure a lot of it will apply to other countries as well. If you are worried about your kids getting gender garbage drilled into them at school, I have some advice and general do's and don'ts. And some good news- you'd be surprised how easy it is to eject it with a bit of pushback.

Why?

Because a lot of educators don't like Gender Is Magic any more than you do. The trouble is, local governments aren't interested in what teachers or principals have to say. Parents outnumber them by far, and they're the ones whose votes mean something. Most politicians are slick enough to know that if one parent complains, there are more that think the same way, and might vote later.

So here's my quick and dirty advice.

  1. Make sure you absolutely know what is going on, and don't assume that your kid is an accurate reporter. Even your very honest, lovely kid can mis-report, and it's important that you don't make a fool of yourself. Call and politely ask. If you start off nasty AND you're wrong, staff will think you are mean + dumb. That only ever triggers contempt.
  2. If you want to record a conversation, or even a classroom, talk to a lawyer about that. You don't want to be on the losing end of a lawsuit. Better stick to emails or paper documents if you can.
  3. Collect data, such as worksheets, notices, state/district curriculum that pertains to gender ideology. Mark what was actually used. (A lot of curriculum gets written that never reaches students).
  4. If there are trans-identified students whose parents are salivating to sue, bear that in mind.
  5. You shouldn't be gunning to ruin someone's life or career. That's what TRAs and SJWs do. We should be making life better, not be yet another band of abusive shit bags.
  6. You need to not only contact the teacher, but the principal, the board of education, the superintendent, your state representatives, senators, and governor. It's no good just talking to the teacher, since most of it is out of his/her hands anyway.
  7. Be prepared to be unpopular with other people, even with a secret fanbase. A lot of parents will like what you're doing but won't help you, and most educators CANNOT publicly side with you.
  8. Try getting involved during the summer holidays to keep this stuff out beforehand. That's when schools are planning new curriculum.
  9. If you can, work with a legal expert to help you navigate it all. Obviously don't address particular students.
  10. Make your own goals clear- sex segregated spaces should remain so, personal interests should not be off-limits for being "boyish" or "girly." Sex is immutable, but gnc kids need to be accepted, not labeled/medicalized.
This is US only, though I'm sure a lot of it will apply to other countries as well. If you are worried about your kids getting gender garbage drilled into them at school, I have some advice and general do's and don'ts. And some good news- you'd be surprised how easy it is to eject it with a bit of pushback. Why? Because a lot of educators don't like Gender Is Magic any more than you do. The trouble is, local governments aren't interested in what teachers or principals have to say. Parents outnumber them by far, and they're the ones whose votes mean something. Most politicians are slick enough to know that if one parent complains, there are more that think the same way, and might vote later. So here's my quick and dirty advice. 1. Make sure you absolutely know what is going on, and don't assume that your kid is an accurate reporter. Even your very honest, lovely kid can mis-report, and it's important that you don't make a fool of yourself. Call and politely ask. If you start off nasty AND you're wrong, staff will think you are mean + dumb. That only ever triggers contempt. 2. If you want to record a conversation, or even a classroom, talk to a lawyer about that. You don't want to be on the losing end of a lawsuit. Better stick to emails or paper documents if you can. 3. Collect data, such as worksheets, notices, state/district curriculum that pertains to gender ideology. Mark what was actually used. (A lot of curriculum gets written that never reaches students). 4. If there are trans-identified students whose parents are salivating to sue, bear that in mind. 5. You shouldn't be gunning to ruin someone's life or career. That's what TRAs and SJWs do. We should be making life better, not be yet another band of abusive shit bags. 6. You need to not only contact the teacher, but the principal, the board of education, the superintendent, your state representatives, senators, and governor. It's no good just talking to the teacher, since most of it is out of his/her hands anyway. 7. Be prepared to be unpopular with other people, even with a secret fanbase. A lot of parents will like what you're doing but won't help you, and most educators CANNOT publicly side with you. 8. Try getting involved during the summer holidays to keep this stuff out beforehand. That's when schools are planning new curriculum. 9. If you can, work with a legal expert to help you navigate it all. Obviously don't address particular students. 10. Make your own goals clear- sex segregated spaces should remain so, personal interests should not be off-limits for being "boyish" or "girly." Sex is immutable, but gnc kids need to be accepted, not labeled/medicalized.

39 comments

Be prepared to say "asserting girl's sex based rights is not transphobic" a billion times. I'd also suggest being comfortable with 7 in a hurry. But at the end of the day a parent's number one job is protecting your children. This is an excellent guide!!

[–] gcsubthrow 28 points (+28|-0)

This reminds me of that woman who stood with the sign that read girls privacy is not yours to give away at a school board I think.

Yes!!

There's growing research and media articles around girls missing school and getting UTIs because they don't feel comfortable using mixed sex toilets. I would want school leadership to tell me to my face that my daughter's right to urinate with comfort and privacy is less important than appearing to be progressive despite mixed sex toilets not working.

[–] greenl1on 10 points (+10|-0)

Not surprising at all, do you have any links? Seems like one of the stronger arguments against them in school.

[–] femuhnist 14 points (+14|-0)

This is great, super practical advice, thank you. My daughter is entering the public school system soon and this is a real concern. Unfortunately, I live in an extremely woke area, so extreme that all the fights regarding bathrooms etc. have already been lost years ago. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about being taught gender ideology -- shouldn't it, like sex ed, be something that teachers need to get parents permission before teaching? But I also know that my daughter is going to a school district where plenty of teachers and school administrators are trans, besides just the students. It's a shit show. It's enough to make me want to put my kid in a private school, or move, but we can't afford to do either. At least for now, my daughter knows who men and women are, and I hope to hell her school doesn't confuse the shit out of her.

[–] NewMa 12 points (+12|-0)

According to the Abigail Shrier book, they mask the gender chat into the "anti-bullying" curriculum so you can't opt out.

[–] MakeThatDough 3 points (+3|-0)

Considering it's a fetish, yes, parents should need to give permission lol

[–] Perseph265 2 points (+2|-0)

Would you be able to talk to her about it beforehand? Tell her your views, explain the TRA views and why you don't agree with them, and, perhaps most importantly, how GC views are being misrepresented. Plus a mention of the current social climate and why you may not feel comfortable or safe making it publicly known you hold these views. (I have no idea how old your daughter is, or what your relationship is with her, so this is really just a thought from me). I've seen other women on here posting about talking to their kids about this before the indoctrination starts at school, and for the most part it seems to work well.

[–] femuhnist 3 points (+3|-0)

Thanks! This is the approach I plan on taking with her when she's a bit older, but right now, she's too little for any of this to make sense to her. We're still at the stage where she asks, "Mommy, when a boy grows up, he becomes a man, right?" And I say, "Right." "And boys can grow up to be daddies, and girls can grow up to be mommies?" "Yes, if they want to." This basic stuff feels transgressive enough, sadly, simply because I'm not teaching my child that sex is a choice.

Keep it simple. Try to introduce her to adults that aren’t parents so you have an example like, “Look, Aunty Kim is a women, but she isn’t a mommy.”

I’m sure you’ve also noticed that little kids have very ingrained ideas about gender roles. Women are mommies, and they cool and clean. Men are daddies, and they work and mow lawns. Do everything you can to break down those gender roles. Send her to school in clothing that is comfortable and practical for playing. When she points out frilly shoes in the store respond with, “Oh, but those will be so uncomfortable to play in.” Make it clear that girls can have short hair and play sports, and boys can have long hair and play with dolls. Girls are still girls, and boys are still boys.

And don’t be afraid of proper terms for genitalia even when they’re little. Vagina and penis are not scary words. Even little kids need to know what their parts are called so they can accurately describe if they’ve been abused.

It’s a scary time to be raising a child, especially a girl. But you can do it, and we’re here to support you!

[–] Fortissima 7 points (+7|-0)

This is the gladdest I have ever been that I live in a conservative part of the US.

[–] NewMa 10 points (+10|-0)

Yeah but it's coming. Check your state curriculum. It's already on my state's curriculum and I am literally represented at every level by republicans. My city [alder or council-men]= "nonpartisan" but they're all "compassionate conservatives," mayor's a republican, state rep is a republican, state senator is a republican, governor is a republican, both senators, my rep.

And our electoral votes will go to Trump.

And yet, it's on our curriculum.

[–] Fortissima 0 points (+0|-0)

Thanks for the advice. One of my kids will be taking a state-mandated human sexuality course next year that I will be allowed to look at and then choose whether to opt her out of it. I let my older child take it, but I need to see whether the material has changed since then. Thanks for the tip!

[–] Turtlefuzz 6 points (+6|-0)

This is great, thanks.

I have a few questions for anyone who reads this.

Has this happened to your child(ren), or someone else I your school district?

Did you (or other parents) have success in stopping dangerous ideology from being taught in school?

Did any other tips/ideas help you/other parents?

I have two daughters, who will (most likely) go to public schools in a very woke state. Anything I can do to prepare for a fight, I will do. I appreciate any responses!

[–] hellamomzilla 12 points (+12|-0)

I live in California. When the gender business exploded in our lives, I discovered that the state has a law that makes it completely legal for teachers and school administrators to lie to parents in order to hide that a child of 12 or older has said he or she is homosexual or has a gender identity. It was a complete fucking nightmare -- apparently, the state legislature thinks that all the school personnel have ALL the information about a student and parents are all morons who, if they disagree with the idea of gender identity being important are evil and out to harm their child.

For instance, my daughter was saying she was a boy, but she was also diagnosed with mental health issues and the school personnel, now legally empowered to LIE TO ME, also wasn't getting important information ABOUT MY CHILD, like she was abusing everyone in the family and she wasn't engaging in therapy and therefore was essentially untreated, and they also didn't tell me that she threatened to physically attack another student who broke up with her. (My kid lied to me and told me that an extended friend group dropped her -- well, of course they did, when you threatened to beat up a girl who didn't want to date you anymore.)

What this all led to was the school breaking ANOTHER law while trying to dance around and continue to lie to me and not talk about the gender identity elephant in the room. They instead failed to offer an IEP when my kid had been hospitalized multiple times. They also assumed (or wanted to pretend) that because THEY WERE MASSIVE LIARS, so was I. So time was wasted as they searched for a supposed existing form that they thought I had signed saying I didn't want an IEP. While they probably considered trying to create and forge such a document, we sent our kid out of state to treatment.

And, a few months later, as they listened to a therapist from that program discuss how badly my kid needed serious mental health care, they finally admitted that they had failed to follow find child law and the laws governing IEPs. And then they had to pay out the nose for another year plus of residential treatment.

Literally, a waking nightmare. Could barely get meaningful help for my child -- had to send her out of state. And, the state we sent her to recently enacted a law making "conversion therapy" for gender illegal, so the therapist and programs which helped my kid are now no longer doing that work. It's a shit show.

[–] Hermione 7 points (+7|-0)

This must be so hard for you, her and your family. I’m so sorry. Is she getting better now?

[–] hellamomzilla 6 points (+6|-0)

She has made some great progress. But it certainly was only hindered by educators and mental health professionals in California, that's for sure.

I discovered that the state has a law that makes it completely legal for teachers and school administrators to lie to parents

The law does more than that. It MANDATES that teachers and school administrators lie.

[–] Turtlefuzz 4 points (+4|-0)

Jesus, that's absolutely awful. I'm glad your child was able to get the help she needed.

I'm glad that you shared your story with us. I don't live in CA, but I'll be looking into our laws about schools being able to keep information confidential.

And oh, gosh, what a nightmare. I'm so sorry. I hope this resolves some way and some how.

I’m so sorry this has been happening to you, your daughter, and your family. Unfortunately I can tell you as someone who works in education that the federal law regarding special education and IEPs demands that schools exhaust all other options within general education before evaluating for and drafting an IEP. It can also be incredibly challenging to get an IEP for mental health as that is not a federally recognized category of disability when it comes to special education. Emotional Disturbances and Behavioral Disorders (EDBD, usually) are incredibly difficult to get services for. It requires proving without a doubt that a child’s emotional state and behavior are adversely affecting their own education as well as their fellow classmates, usually. Schools hate dealing with those kids, so they will try everything to keep from providing services to try to force you to transfer. Stick with it, and keep fighting until your daughter gets the help she needs. Even consider moving to a more conservative state that won’t keep things from you.

[–] hellamomzilla 2 points (+2|-0)

Well, thankfully, it's all over now. But I certainly know exactly how difficult it is, as I've had two kids I had to fight tooth and nail for.

[–] pennygadget 7 points (+7|-0)

Agreed. My daughter is an infant. But I worry about having to send her to school in California if this gender fad doesn't die by the time she's in school

[–] NewMa 9 points (+9|-0)

Dude I'm in the third-from-least woke state and I'm scared of if the gender fad doesn't die by the time my little one is in school. I think that's pretty reasonable.

Sometimes I think the people fighting against the "craze" idea have no idea the amount of stupid shit many girls do in the name of trying to have friends during her school years.

[–] pennygadget 4 points (+4|-0)

Sometimes I think the people fighting against the "craze" idea have no idea the amount of stupid shit many girls do in the name of trying to have friends during her school years.

Agreed. Little girls are much more social and vulnerable to peer pressure. So it's no wonder that a growing number of young girls are falling into the trans cult

For real! I’m in a reliable red state too (We haven’t voted for a Democrat for president since LBJ), but we have a Democratic Governor who has drunk the trans kool-aid. Though I hope it’s just to keep the DNC happy and finding her campaign.

This is advice for a lot of things like the years of turbo-testing. When standardized tests were at their zenith (we still have too many, but that's another political discussion) this is what parents did successfully to reduce the number their kids were taking.

Much like Woke ideology, though much more subtle and behind-the-scenes, standardized testing is big business. Testing companies are very sneaky and shady and make sweetheart deals with school boards, state reps, governors, mayors, all of that. They fought tooth and nail in New York, even admitting to parents that it might affect their property values if their kids weren't tested! Activist parents stood their ground, and the state backed off. They should back off even more, but you should have seen how things were 12 years ago.

A lot of the stuff you can do is actually fairly boring, but effective. You need to look at publicly available curriculum, and ALL of it should be publicly available. You'll have to do digging to find it, but it's illegal to actually block you from it. Write to politicians and let them know that this is absolutely a potential voting issue for you. If they know that it's on voters' minds, they'll put it on the ticket one way or another. The reason why they're going with gender stupidity right now is because TRAs told them it was a vote winner.

With non-stop standardized testing, parents were sold the idea that it would weed out everything wrong with education, punish the evil and reward the good, and fix everything. Once that failed spectacularly, parents turned on the testing companies to such a degree that it wasn't worth it for politicians to make sweetheart deals. What's the point in a great arrangement if you are going to lose your seat for it?

[–] Turtlefuzz 0 points (+0|-0)

Thanks so much for your reply. It's definitely a good idea to look at the curriculum. I'll have to start looking now, before my girls have to go to school. Then I might still have time to put them in private school lol

[–] NewMa 5 points (+5|-0) Edited

I'm not going to say what my profession is, but suffice it to say that I am definitely in a field that knows whether or not you can one-sided record in my state, if that #2 was directed at me from my earlier comments. ;)

Edit to say: And the rest of this is very good.

Please, please, please look into FERPA before secretly recording any school meetings. Writing is the way to do it as anything written down on paper or electronically when it comes to school can be subpoenaed in court. As a parent you have the right to anything and everything concerning your own child on paper. Unfortunately I can tell you that if there’s ever an incident between your child and another student, they are not obligated to reveal who the other party is. They can’t stop your own child from telling you, obviously, but the school cannot tell you that information.

Other than that, this is all good advice. We’re seeing it in action right now with the Let Them Learn and Let Them Play groups fighting online school because of Covid. Self-righteous assholes.

Yeah, I'm not a fan of secret recordings. A lot of parents pompously state that they would TOTALLY do it to protect their child from evil, baby eating teachers! The trouble with that, is that when your kid records something (and it's your kid recording, think about that pressure you're putting on them) you might well get kids who are recording just to record. And upload humiliating videos of other kids. Maybe even your own. You can't exactly complain about someone recording you or your kid if you want the right to record others, no matter how justified you think your purposes are.

And many schools are now requiring that students put their phones in a locked drawer every morning to be handed back at dismissal. This happened when lots of bathroom pics were taken. Selfies some of the time, but sometimes kids on the toilet or in some humiliating situation.