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Hi all,

I’m not sure whether to post this here or at o/LovingWomen

Something unexpected (see title) happened to me a few hours ago so I was wondering if any others had similar experiences.

I was talking to one of my friends about a variety of topics then she mentioned she is attracted to women, which lead to me saying that I’m a lesbian. We talked about the overarching community & how our sexuality affects us (stereotypes, coming out, etc). Anyway, after this long conversation (several hours), I feel like I have a newfound attraction towards her that wasn’t there before.

I know it’s common to be attracted to people before you find out their sexuality though I’m not sure how common it is for the other way around.

Has anyone else had similar experiences? Or anything they would like to add?

Hi all, I’m not sure whether to post this here or at o/LovingWomen Something unexpected (see title) happened to me a few hours ago so I was wondering if any others had similar experiences. I was talking to one of my friends about a variety of topics then she mentioned she is attracted to women, which lead to me saying that I’m a lesbian. We talked about the overarching community & how our sexuality affects us (stereotypes, coming out, etc). Anyway, after this long conversation (several hours), I feel like I have a newfound attraction towards her that wasn’t there before. I know it’s common to be attracted to people before you find out their sexuality though I’m not sure how common it is for the other way around. Has anyone else had similar experiences? Or anything they would like to add?

11 comments

I’m often attracted more to people I know are bi/lesbian because the possibility of them being reciprocal of that attraction is there. Yes I do find straight women attractive but I know there is zero to minimal chance it would ever be returned so I don’t think about it as much. I don’t think it’s odd. I’ve never been a love at first sight or instant spark kind of person, I need to get to know someone first and knowing they could also like me back aids that attraction.

I feel like when I'm friends with a straight girl, I have this wall up that keeps her in the friend zone. There are times when I could end up feeling something anyway, but I'm usually good about leaving it at that. So if a girl tells me she likes girls, that wall kinda disappears and then I might end up seeing that I have more feelings for her.

Lesbians are definitely the most attractive to me followed by bisexuals and both of those can like me so it's more about relatability. It makes me feel more in-sync with a gay girl. I wouldn't say I liked a girl because she was gay, but that it made it much more possible.

I've had friends like that too but it was usually like "she's not interested, so nothing will happen" and then when they tell me different, all that interest I would have had comes back.

Honestly I only ever seem to develop feelings when I think that it could be reciprocal. So if I believe a woman is straight I won't have any feelings. If she flirts or indicates she might be interested though then it's possible I get feelings, if I find her attractive and she's my type in the personality sense. I don't think it's strange at all. It's like I have an automatic "nope" when I sense that there's no chance, because why chase someone who will never be available?

I agree with another poster. I have a very strict wall up with straight women that keeps them in the friend zone and keeps me uninterested.

It's not weird at all. My only crushes in highschool were on girls after they dated the only out lesbian in school. All my friends were straight and I just never found any of them attractive because of that.

I've been physically attracted to straight women, of course. But it stops there because their being straight is a turn off. In fact this extends to bisexuals as well.

Yes, I've been romantically attracted or interested in a relationship with women after I find out they are lesbian. I believe it is in part because:

1) They are brave enough/willing to be out about it and firm in the notion of being a lesbian by definition.

2) They don't, or aren't as likely to subscribe to the bullshit of the other cultures (gender, queer, straight)

3) They are aware enough of self and grounded enough to know who and what they are.

This has definitely happened to me. I would often be attracted to brilliant charismatic women who had no interest in being with women. It took me too long to learn that those attractions were nothing like the feeling of being attracted to another lesbian.

[–] FinalPam 4 points Edited

I haven't developed any attraction to anyone after finding out they were gay, I might have been more interested in them after that because there was an actual chance of something happening. But I either was or wasn't already attracted to them. Finding out they were straight certainly put a damper on feelings but it's not as if they just came out of nowhere once I learned someone was gay.

[–] oofreesouloo 2 points Edited

It is actually really common, at least with me. As soon as I find out a girl is bi or lesbian, I suddenly look at her differently, but in a good way, in a Oh!-I-might-have-a-chance-with-her kind of way. As I'm usually attracted to femmes, I instintively think the women I'm attracted to are straight, which sadly it's the truth unless I have a very good lgb network (which I don't). So when I find out it isn't the case, I start noticing her more and actually find her hotter. This doesn't always happen, but more often than not, it does.

EDIT: I've just realised through the comments that this is actually very common and we all think similarly! Eheh