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I’m watching my younger brothers go to homecoming with their dates right now. They seem to be having a great time and I’m really happy for them! I still view them as babies though so it does feel a bit weird. I also can’t help but feel a sliver of jealousy that they are able to do this.

I couldn’t even accept that I liked girls until graduating high school, and even then I waited another couple years to come out to my conservative family. They had some trouble accepting it. Just being able to date so young without any obstacles or consequences must be nice… I did go to homecoming and prom with my group of friends, but I still feel like it’s different.

Maybe I’m making hs dating out to be a bigger deal than it is, I always tend to romanticize things. It just feels like I’m missing an important experience that normal people had as teenagers.

I’m watching my younger brothers go to homecoming with their dates right now. They seem to be having a great time and I’m really happy for them! I still view them as babies though so it does feel a bit weird. I also can’t help but feel a sliver of jealousy that they are able to do this. I couldn’t even accept that I liked girls until graduating high school, and even then I waited another couple years to come out to my conservative family. They had some trouble accepting it. Just being able to date so young without any obstacles or consequences must be nice… I did go to homecoming and prom with my group of friends, but I still feel like it’s different. Maybe I’m making hs dating out to be a bigger deal than it is, I always tend to romanticize things. It just feels like I’m missing an important experience that normal people had as teenagers.

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As someone who is 25 and still hasn't gone on a single date with another woman, it's honestly such breeding grounds for resentment - against parents, the world, you name it. Even if teenage romance is often a hot mess, it's something that all people deserve to experience if they so wish, and I have a feeling most lesbians who missed out would have dated in high school if it had been possible for them.

So yeah, you're definitely not alone in feeling like you missed out on something important. Because let's be honest, it is important to teenagers - if we told any straight teenager they simply weren't allowed to date at all for no good reason they'd throw a hissy fit.

In the end it's okay to feel bad about it but lingering in regrets can be dangerous ,so I figure it's best to cope with missing out of past experiences by actively "making up" for lost time by putting yourself out there.

Teenage love is super angsty, filled with drama and often times ends up negatively affecting your outlook on your own ambitions and life. Not always, there are happy exceptions of course, but I have found relationships among adults are a lot healthier. You have more room for intellectual growth if you are not bogged down by those emotions at that age.

I didn't date in high school, but I'm kind of glad I didn't. I was such a mess in high school. I had terrible anxiety, low self-esteem, and terrible acne. Dating women in my 30s is a much more pleasant experience. Much improved in all those areas plus I know what I want and don't want. In high school you just don't know so many things.

So true! I was barely a person in high school and I only started to figure out who I actually am once I left.

[–] Rhapsody 9 points Edited

As a fellow lesbian that didn’t have those experiences in highschool, yes it does feel like FOMO. It does feel like I “fell behind” in the relationship department as I’ve never had a relationship. The teenage years were usually when you made the most mistakes in relationships, a period of growth id say.

Doesn’t mean we can’t have relationship growth without it.

Most of the highschool relationships in my district either ended up with the girl getting pregnant to an oil slick of a guy, getting a STD, breaking up, or getting married, or a combination of various parts. My ex high school BFF went through so many men that she could’ve been considered a village bicycle. I don’t think that was worth it for her or anyone else in my highschool that had similar fates. Of course for myself I wouldn’t have most of those risks (since lesbians can’t get pregnant with another woman obviously ha), but the emotional dangers were certainly there.

Teen love is toxic.

Yea I do wish I had a relationship starting there but I don’t think it would’ve been good for me. I wish I didn’t have to wait until I was 20 to have my first kiss…despite knowing that it probably was better with how things went, it still hurts to know that you may have missed out on something positive.

Not a late bloomer, but grew up....well and still live in a conservative area. So literally there were no out gay kids in high-school. And you wouldn't dare hit on any that you thought because if they weren't you were then marked lol. That being said I think the late bloomers might have had it better because it really sucked going through all those lovely teenage hormones and having a bunch of crushes on girls that you couldn't tell anyone about, watch them date loser guys knowing you will never be what they want. So yea would have been nice to have that usual teenage dating experience and going to dances and such but the world doesn't work that way...well didn't...idk how the climate is now with gay kids in high-school.

I am I guess what you'd call a mid-bloomer (realized I was 100% gay at about 25) and while I have a lot of feelings about my adolescence, I do actually feel somewhat relieved I did not get the classic frustrating-to-terrifying experience of being fully aware that you're a lesbian as a child/teen and facing shit for it. Luckily I also managed to avoid boys/men until I figured it all out (so best of both sad worlds? lol) but I am sometimes bitterly glad I was so weird/messed up I managed to drift through that period in my own little bubble.

I wasn't allowed to go to high school at all so I am definitely there with you on not having that... I always had zero interest in boys but never got to spend time with girls I liked outside of church or youth group. Every once in a while I would manage to make friends with a girl and then we'd have to move away so I knew to try not to get too attached. I think for better or worse a lot of lesbians have a similar experience of not experiencing the straight kid milestones because we can't come out, or there are no other lesbians or bi girls around with mutual interest, and sometimes because we are too repressed with internalized homophobia tbh. I think it's no good comparing our timelines to others, we'll have our own milestones when we have them. I didn't start dating women until I moved to a "blue" city to go to college and didn't have my homophobic family around.

I'm more bummed for the college experience. I was still in my confused stage and feel like I missed out on a lot in my college years. I didn't come out until after I graduated. High school? Nah. No offense to any of the other girls there but Facebook showed me I dodged many bullets. lol

I know what you mean. Sometimes I really regret not having those teen experiences. I know a lot of lesbian/gay people who feel the same -- for various reasons many of us feel like we missed out on a lot when we were teens/young adults. Maybe we were closeted, maybe we didn't know we were gay yet, maybe we were out but just couldn't act on it for one reason or another...but there's this feeling that you missed out on a whole chapter of life, and sometimes it can even make you feel like you're behind most of your peers, and it's hard to reckon with sometimes. I mean, I'm under no delusions that teen relationships are perfect or healthy or vital, and I know that a lot of people (including straight people) didn't date in high school, but it still kind of sucks to feel like you're behind or you missed out on something.

I definitely don't dwell on this stuff, but I sometimes feel a little twinge of it when I'm, say, watching a movie/show that depicts teen romance as this thrilling, once-in-a-lifetime sort of experience or when I'm among straight people reminiscing about their pasts. For the most part I'm fine -- we can have even more fulfilling and healthy relationships as adults, we should just focus on the present and the future, and it's okay if we're on a different timeline than others -- but I get where you're coming from.

I realized I was a lesbian when I was 13. At the time, the idea of finding a girlfriend in high school seemed unbelievable and I hoped to find someone in my twenties, maybe in a bigger city. Instead, I had my first relationship when I was 15-16 (a year and a half) and my second relationship when I was 20 (just a few months). Then, the Gobi Desert. I am now 27. When I was in high school, both my family and my gf's parents fought against us, so it was a struggle; when I was 20, my girlfriend's mother hunted us as the Queen in "Aliens", because my gf still lived with her parents. The following year, she moved on her own, but we weren't dating anymore. I've always been disappointed by the fact that I couldn't find someone when I was in my best situation freedom-wise, when the time and the space just seemed right. I've often thought that I would switch my teenage experience for a relationship when I was - let's say- 25. The few times I met someone from dating apps, I realized it sounds silly when the only experiences you can talk about are from high school: at that point, you can say that you've never dated, and it's the same thing. Adult experiences are different, and I don't know firsthand what an adult relationship feels like. So, I think the high school regret is not the only one for lesbians, even if it's probably more common. There are various reasons why I'm single and I wouldn't be surprised if my next relationship had to wait until I'm in my thirties (at this point, I would consider myself lucky, honestly!), and although I'm not even willing to date right now, I guess that I will still look back and think "What a pity I couldn't share some of my twenties with a partner".

[–] endeverywhere 3 points Edited

Yeah, it sucks but it also wasn't as acceptable then so it may have been worse than it sounds. I started dating like right after highschool, so never got to go to school with a girlfriend. Never went to a dance or a prom or anything.

Sometimes I wish I could redo it, but there's nothing I can do about it now. Maybe I'll meet someone one day who will love me enough to throw me an adult prom or something lol. That would mean a lot to me, even if it seems really lame.

I wasn't a late bloomer in regards to figuring out my sexuality. But during my teens I had many other problems and dating wasn't really one of them. Honestly I'm glad that I avoided all the drama, the tears and the pain at this point in my life. And I don't think I really missed out on so much considering what horror stories my straight girlfriends have to tell about this time in their lives.

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