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I’m watching my younger brothers go to homecoming with their dates right now. They seem to be having a great time and I’m really happy for them! I still view them as babies though so it does feel a bit weird. I also can’t help but feel a sliver of jealousy that they are able to do this.

I couldn’t even accept that I liked girls until graduating high school, and even then I waited another couple years to come out to my conservative family. They had some trouble accepting it. Just being able to date so young without any obstacles or consequences must be nice… I did go to homecoming and prom with my group of friends, but I still feel like it’s different.

Maybe I’m making hs dating out to be a bigger deal than it is, I always tend to romanticize things. It just feels like I’m missing an important experience that normal people had as teenagers.

I’m watching my younger brothers go to homecoming with their dates right now. They seem to be having a great time and I’m really happy for them! I still view them as babies though so it does feel a bit weird. I also can’t help but feel a sliver of jealousy that they are able to do this. I couldn’t even accept that I liked girls until graduating high school, and even then I waited another couple years to come out to my conservative family. They had some trouble accepting it. Just being able to date so young without any obstacles or consequences must be nice… I did go to homecoming and prom with my group of friends, but I still feel like it’s different. Maybe I’m making hs dating out to be a bigger deal than it is, I always tend to romanticize things. It just feels like I’m missing an important experience that normal people had as teenagers.

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As a lesbian in high school currently, you're not missing anything. TRA's have taken over the dating scene for lesbians/gays, and if you're not in the GSA (gender sexuality alliance), your chances of finding/having a girlfriend are minuscule. Especially one that doesn't succumb to the gender craziness. Don't get me wrong, I am jealous of all my guy friends that seem to have infinite choices for a girlfriend, but I'm glad that I haven't prioritized it. If I had prioritized it I'd probably end up with a TIF zey/zem overweight bisexual girlfriend, and I would choose celibacy over that.

That's true, the gen z lesbian dating scene is a nightmare. It doesn't get much better in college either. However, there are usually at least one or two normal lesbians on every sports team (both hs and uni). That's the only place I've seen them lol

I am a little bummed, although realistically based on what I saw the few out kids in my high school experience it probably wouldn't have been that great anyway. But what I really regret is the amount of time I spent angstily worrying about why I never had dates or a boyfriend or any of the "normal" experiences. I would love to go back in time and smack myself and say, girl, you don't date boys because you do not want to. They know it, and deep down you know it too, so stop the madness, and please don't spend the next decade making yourself utterly miserable trying to figure out why you aren't dating people you don't fucking want to date, even though I know you will...

No, I think I was lucky I thought I was "asexual" in high school. I'm in my 20s, but I went to school with a lot of homophobia all around, so I would have just suffered a lot more, honestly.

I use to be very sad about it, but I have to move on for my mental health. There will be other great memories to make.

I know what you mean. Sometimes I really regret not having those teen experiences. I know a lot of lesbian/gay people who feel the same -- for various reasons many of us feel like we missed out on a lot when we were teens/young adults. Maybe we were closeted, maybe we didn't know we were gay yet, maybe we were out but just couldn't act on it for one reason or another...but there's this feeling that you missed out on a whole chapter of life, and sometimes it can even make you feel like you're behind most of your peers, and it's hard to reckon with sometimes. I mean, I'm under no delusions that teen relationships are perfect or healthy or vital, and I know that a lot of people (including straight people) didn't date in high school, but it still kind of sucks to feel like you're behind or you missed out on something.

I definitely don't dwell on this stuff, but I sometimes feel a little twinge of it when I'm, say, watching a movie/show that depicts teen romance as this thrilling, once-in-a-lifetime sort of experience or when I'm among straight people reminiscing about their pasts. For the most part I'm fine -- we can have even more fulfilling and healthy relationships as adults, we should just focus on the present and the future, and it's okay if we're on a different timeline than others -- but I get where you're coming from.

I'm more bummed for the college experience. I was still in my confused stage and feel like I missed out on a lot in my college years. I didn't come out until after I graduated. High school? Nah. No offense to any of the other girls there but Facebook showed me I dodged many bullets. lol

I realized I was a lesbian when I was 13. At the time, the idea of finding a girlfriend in high school seemed unbelievable and I hoped to find someone in my twenties, maybe in a bigger city. Instead, I had my first relationship when I was 15-16 (a year and a half) and my second relationship when I was 20 (just a few months). Then, the Gobi Desert. I am now 27. When I was in high school, both my family and my gf's parents fought against us, so it was a struggle; when I was 20, my girlfriend's mother hunted us as the Queen in "Aliens", because my gf still lived with her parents. The following year, she moved on her own, but we weren't dating anymore. I've always been disappointed by the fact that I couldn't find someone when I was in my best situation freedom-wise, when the time and the space just seemed right. I've often thought that I would switch my teenage experience for a relationship when I was - let's say- 25. The few times I met someone from dating apps, I realized it sounds silly when the only experiences you can talk about are from high school: at that point, you can say that you've never dated, and it's the same thing. Adult experiences are different, and I don't know firsthand what an adult relationship feels like. So, I think the high school regret is not the only one for lesbians, even if it's probably more common. There are various reasons why I'm single and I wouldn't be surprised if my next relationship had to wait until I'm in my thirties (at this point, I would consider myself lucky, honestly!), and although I'm not even willing to date right now, I guess that I will still look back and think "What a pity I couldn't share some of my twenties with a partner".

I wasn't a late bloomer in regards to figuring out my sexuality. But during my teens I had many other problems and dating wasn't really one of them. Honestly I'm glad that I avoided all the drama, the tears and the pain at this point in my life. And I don't think I really missed out on so much considering what horror stories my straight girlfriends have to tell about this time in their lives.

I didn't date in high school, but I'm kind of glad I didn't. I was such a mess in high school. I had terrible anxiety, low self-esteem, and terrible acne. Dating women in my 30s is a much more pleasant experience. Much improved in all those areas plus I know what I want and don't want. In high school you just don't know so many things.

So true! I was barely a person in high school and I only started to figure out who I actually am once I left.

It would’ve been nice to experience, though I found I had enough things going on in high school (mainly various mental health issues) that it wouldn’t have been good for her or me. If my mental health was better & I knew I’m a lesbian at the time then I would’ve been more keen on it.

It doesn’t bother me that I wasn’t able to go to prom & other high school events with a girl because now as an adult, I can take a woman out whenever/wherever we want within reason & there’s less restrictions than in high school. We both get to have more control & don’t need to worry about hiding as much (if at all).

I wasn't allowed to go to high school at all so I am definitely there with you on not having that... I always had zero interest in boys but never got to spend time with girls I liked outside of church or youth group. Every once in a while I would manage to make friends with a girl and then we'd have to move away so I knew to try not to get too attached. I think for better or worse a lot of lesbians have a similar experience of not experiencing the straight kid milestones because we can't come out, or there are no other lesbians or bi girls around with mutual interest, and sometimes because we are too repressed with internalized homophobia tbh. I think it's no good comparing our timelines to others, we'll have our own milestones when we have them. I didn't start dating women until I moved to a "blue" city to go to college and didn't have my homophobic family around.

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