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Sister is a bisexual woman who exclusively dates women. She was married to a woman, now divorced and engaged to another.

She doesn't like that lesbians exclude women like her, especially in her last marriage where she was with a lesbian and they couldn't join as a couple. She says there was a lesbian group for nursing and pregnant women that she wanted to join really badly, that her wife could have joined but not her.

I understand her POV but I don't think she's being fair and considering the POV of lesbians in this. In truth, I don't think I fully understand it either because I wouldn't mind inviting bisexual women who are dating women exclusively in particular. But I don't have experience with those spaces so I don't know what the lesbians' experience would be like and where that boundary is from - I've been too isolated for that.

It still bothers me that she doesn't have respect for those women's boundaries and is viewing the issue so selfishly. But I wonder if there is anything I can say to convince her. Should I try? I feel as though it might not be worth the effort because she doesn't even see why it would be inappropriate for her to join a group for pregnant and nursing women without being either of those things. She said she wanted to join because she wants kids, but I think wanting kids and being pregnant are such wildly different things. How would she relate to what they're going through and help them? The selfishness of wanting their time so she can gawk is beyond the pale in my eyes. I really want to knock some sense into her but I can't imagine anything that might get her to see it's not always about her.

The other thing that bothers me about it is that LGBTQ discourse so strongly favors her side here and that there's no respect and acknowledgment for women's boundaries there either. Her selfish attitude gets reinforced and encouraged by the community itself and that group by now probably doesn't exist since this was something that happened before the gender trend destroyed lesbian spaces.

tl;dr Frustrated by my bisexual sister who thinks she's the victim because she doesn't get invited to lesbian pregnancy support groups.

Sister is a bisexual woman who exclusively dates women. She was married to a woman, now divorced and engaged to another. She doesn't like that lesbians exclude women like her, especially in her last marriage where she was with a lesbian and they couldn't join as a couple. She says there was a lesbian group for nursing and pregnant women that she wanted to join really badly, that her wife could have joined but not her. I understand her POV but I don't think she's being fair and considering the POV of lesbians in this. In truth, I don't think I fully understand it either because I wouldn't mind inviting bisexual women who are dating women exclusively in particular. But I don't have experience with those spaces so I don't know what the lesbians' experience would be like and where that boundary is from - I've been too isolated for that. It still bothers me that she doesn't have respect for those women's boundaries and is viewing the issue so selfishly. But I wonder if there is anything I can say to convince her. Should I try? I feel as though it might not be worth the effort because she doesn't even see why it would be inappropriate for her to join a group for pregnant and nursing women without being either of those things. She said she wanted to join because she wants kids, but I think wanting kids and being pregnant are such wildly different things. How would she relate to what they're going through and help them? The selfishness of wanting their time so she can gawk is beyond the pale in my eyes. I really want to knock some sense into her but I can't imagine anything that might get her to see it's not always about her. The other thing that bothers me about it is that LGBTQ discourse so strongly favors her side here and that there's no respect and acknowledgment for women's boundaries there either. Her selfish attitude gets reinforced and encouraged by the community itself and that group by now probably doesn't exist since this was something that happened before the gender trend destroyed lesbian spaces. tl;dr Frustrated by my bisexual sister who thinks she's the victim because she doesn't get invited to lesbian pregnancy support groups.

29 comments

Nothing against anyone here, but it's amazing how there aren't any groups for bisexual women. If they're seeking a sense of community, like lesbians have always done and struggled to do because of people who aren't lesbians showing up, then they could do the same and try to create a space by bisexual women for bisexual women.

A lot of the groups are doomed-- they mostly want to talk about men, and the women who actually seriously want to commit to female partners get shunted out unless they also chat endlessly about men.

When I used to ID as bi I found these groups (online, as well as LGBT groups in real life that were dominated by bi women) fascinatingly intolerable and tbh worse than mixed orientation groups... in my experience bi women in groups of other bi women are more defensive of their attraction to men than straight women are and this clouds their ability to solve inevitable issues with the men they date/marry/etc.

bi women will say "normalize dating men" and not realize this is why most lesbian spaces do not want them.

Or worse, they go on that fucking tangent that “sex is fluid!!”

Like no it’s not

This. In my experience, about 80% of the women I know are bisexual. They may never get the chance to make love to a woman, but they wouldn’t say no if it was ethical and healthy. Ask them. They will tell you.

And yet, where are the bisexual groups? Where are the bi-moms support groups? Where are the “bi but with a man” breakfast clubs?

Because they belong to men, and their men won’t let them, that’s why. Ask them.