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Sister is a bisexual woman who exclusively dates women. She was married to a woman, now divorced and engaged to another.

She doesn't like that lesbians exclude women like her, especially in her last marriage where she was with a lesbian and they couldn't join as a couple. She says there was a lesbian group for nursing and pregnant women that she wanted to join really badly, that her wife could have joined but not her.

I understand her POV but I don't think she's being fair and considering the POV of lesbians in this. In truth, I don't think I fully understand it either because I wouldn't mind inviting bisexual women who are dating women exclusively in particular. But I don't have experience with those spaces so I don't know what the lesbians' experience would be like and where that boundary is from - I've been too isolated for that.

It still bothers me that she doesn't have respect for those women's boundaries and is viewing the issue so selfishly. But I wonder if there is anything I can say to convince her. Should I try? I feel as though it might not be worth the effort because she doesn't even see why it would be inappropriate for her to join a group for pregnant and nursing women without being either of those things. She said she wanted to join because she wants kids, but I think wanting kids and being pregnant are such wildly different things. How would she relate to what they're going through and help them? The selfishness of wanting their time so she can gawk is beyond the pale in my eyes. I really want to knock some sense into her but I can't imagine anything that might get her to see it's not always about her.

The other thing that bothers me about it is that LGBTQ discourse so strongly favors her side here and that there's no respect and acknowledgment for women's boundaries there either. Her selfish attitude gets reinforced and encouraged by the community itself and that group by now probably doesn't exist since this was something that happened before the gender trend destroyed lesbian spaces.

tl;dr Frustrated by my bisexual sister who thinks she's the victim because she doesn't get invited to lesbian pregnancy support groups.

Sister is a bisexual woman who exclusively dates women. She was married to a woman, now divorced and engaged to another. She doesn't like that lesbians exclude women like her, especially in her last marriage where she was with a lesbian and they couldn't join as a couple. She says there was a lesbian group for nursing and pregnant women that she wanted to join really badly, that her wife could have joined but not her. I understand her POV but I don't think she's being fair and considering the POV of lesbians in this. In truth, I don't think I fully understand it either because I wouldn't mind inviting bisexual women who are dating women exclusively in particular. But I don't have experience with those spaces so I don't know what the lesbians' experience would be like and where that boundary is from - I've been too isolated for that. It still bothers me that she doesn't have respect for those women's boundaries and is viewing the issue so selfishly. But I wonder if there is anything I can say to convince her. Should I try? I feel as though it might not be worth the effort because she doesn't even see why it would be inappropriate for her to join a group for pregnant and nursing women without being either of those things. She said she wanted to join because she wants kids, but I think wanting kids and being pregnant are such wildly different things. How would she relate to what they're going through and help them? The selfishness of wanting their time so she can gawk is beyond the pale in my eyes. I really want to knock some sense into her but I can't imagine anything that might get her to see it's not always about her. The other thing that bothers me about it is that LGBTQ discourse so strongly favors her side here and that there's no respect and acknowledgment for women's boundaries there either. Her selfish attitude gets reinforced and encouraged by the community itself and that group by now probably doesn't exist since this was something that happened before the gender trend destroyed lesbian spaces. tl;dr Frustrated by my bisexual sister who thinks she's the victim because she doesn't get invited to lesbian pregnancy support groups.

29 comments

[–] ItsCalculated 17 points Edited

In general, no I don't think we're too exclusionary.

Right now in the midst of this TRA/gender movement... FUCKING HELL NO we aren't too exclusionary. We're being forced underground. Any sliver of space we have for ourselves is too much for everyone on the outside, and I don't fucking care what they think anymore.