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Literally the only events in my area that slightly cater to LGB are ones that market themselves as queer. It's a huge turn-off, but I just can't find anything explicitly for lesbians or that has GC hints. I've tried looking at MeetUp, Facebook groups, Instagram, sports leagues, bars, etc. Nothing. Has anyone had any luck finding reasonable women for friends or dating purposes at these "queer" groups?

Literally the only events in my area that slightly cater to LGB are ones that market themselves as queer. It's a huge turn-off, but I just can't find anything explicitly for lesbians or that has GC hints. I've tried looking at MeetUp, Facebook groups, Instagram, sports leagues, bars, etc. Nothing. Has anyone had any luck finding reasonable women for friends or dating purposes at these "queer" groups?

25 comments

[–] Hera 10 points

Nope. From my experience it's just a way to invite abuse. Lots of heterosexual women who treat lesbians like props and accessories. "Teeheehee, let's snuggle and hold hands while my bf/TIM 'gf' watches!" or using the promise of a real relationship to cajole you into being used as an experiment for a one-night stand.

I feel like you might have better luck if you're in a rural area, but in cities "gay" spaces are too far gone into the queer koolaid imo. While I have not found any potential dates, I have at least had luck finding other lesbians to talk to/connect with via my hobbies (art and animal handling, with the latter yielding better results bc the art world is also a cesspit of queerness)

Sadly, you're probably right. However, I would definitely enjoy projectile-vomiting on anyone who suggested having their boyfriend watch us hold hands. So... maybe it's worth it lol.

I've had some luck, but try to check photos of past events on social media to see what the usual crowd is like. Also helps to have a good excuse ready or an easy way to leave quickly if necessary. It's also event-dependent- a sports group will attract a different crowd than a movie screening, for example.

Events/groups that are explicitly for "queer" people are probably the least likely place you will find other lesbians these days, especially other GC lesbians. They are overrun with straight men pretending to be lesbians, and straight people pretending to be queer.

Do you have any interests or hobbies that are stereotypically lesbian? If so I'd seek out opportunities to get involved with those, even if they are not explicitly marketing to LGB people, they are your best chance of finding normal lesbians. Bonus points for activities that are challenging, high-effort, and won't be construed as cute, feminine, or glamorous by men pretending to be women. E.g., volunteer at an animal shelter, join a hiking club, take woodworking classes.

Many of them are so straight. I left a group because they were just flirting with men all night. It was disgusting. Nothing like when I would hang out with real lesbian back in 2013

[–] mathlover 10 points Edited

At this point almost none of the women at those events are lesbians at all. Even the ostensibly bi women are often het. And the percent of men larping as "lesbians" is now significant and, depending where you are, the majority of people there.

You could take a chance but, if you do, go with your intuition. If it looks like a queer cesspool, it is and you should leave relatively quickly. if you hang around, the AGP het males will be relentless in approaching, harassing, coercing you. And, like all other men, will not take no for an answer.

I wish there was a way to convince all women - even the het or bi women pretending to be lesbians - to not go to any of these events. The men larping as lesbians really don't like when it is just them at events like that, and there are no women there.

I tried joining a group and got an email the other day about a board game night. I got really excited, until I read "Kyle is hosting it at her house" like are you fucking kidding me?

At this point I just feel like giving up, it seems pointless.

[–] Owl 6 points

Same in my city. But if actual lesbians go, there's always a chance there are some that are as desperate as you are to find lesbian connection. Another poster said check out past social media--that's a good idea. Even if it's mostly queer, there still might be a chance for connection. Alternatively, try to post your own meetup to do something that maybe TIMs wouldn't be interested in like a lesbian hike?

I haven't been to one in a long time, but the quality (and attendance) of these varies widely. The only way you'll know is if you go to one. Can't hurt!

I have never had any luck with those, but I don't have a better suggestion for in-person. Ymmv.

I can't stand being inside anymore so I do go. It's nice to meet some lesbian to talk to.

I've gone to a few. There were actual lesbians there which was nice, but pronouns and terfs came up (I did not bring up the subject nor would I) which was wild. It wasn't just eye-roll worthy, it was boring. The same old TWAW/respecting pronoun takes being echoed around the room even though they all likely had the exact same beliefs. A few older butches were talking about how of course they don't identify as women. It was sort of depressing.

Haven't made any meaningful connections from those groups. It's unlikely that you will find someone at a queer group who will tolerate heterodox thinking. It's also unlikely that you'll find someone outside of a queer group. Things just sort of suck right now.

I would give it a shot, as I figure if it seems overrun by trans people you can always just leave. At least then you won't be wondering "What if?" If you can find any genuine lesbian or bi women, they might know other lesbians who do private invitation-only meetups. I have gone to a few invitation-only meetups with others lesbians and find they are much better but you have to network to find them. They aren't necessarily GC but at least it's usually just natal women.

Thanks. It's just really depressing. I know there's at least one TIM in the group I was considering. I really want to not go just out of principle, but it's just been really difficult to find any genuinely lesbian or bi women.

Yeah, it is really discouraging out there. I hope you find someone genuine same sex attracted women soon!

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