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I'm bisexual and just live my life... I think many of us do. I won't deny that people tend to deny and stereotype bisexuals. And that they make our orientation revolve around the heteropatriarchy, when that shouldn't be the case. But there's some Youtuber who claims she's super bisexual. She has lots of followers. But she cames across as such an attention seeker. I don't understand why you have to revolve a channel about 'outfit tips' to look gay, to constantly talk about your orientation, when it turns out that you have a boyfriend.

Of course having a boyfriend doesn't mean a woman isn't bisexual. But generally if you identify as bi for a while and you're openly non-straight (bi/lesbian) you will have shitty experiences and that's why I find it very strange she makes a party out of being bisexual, seemingly never having to suffer the struggles of being in a same sex relationship.

I wouldnt say I am closeted, but I don't make gay struggles and fun about myself when I had nothing to do with it for years and when I pass as straight...

Her name is Dutchy on YouTube, and this video is... so cringy. Just her whole body language. To me she only seems to reinforce a negative stereotype so I don't get why she has so many followers.

I'm bisexual and just live my life... I think many of us do. I won't deny that people tend to deny and stereotype bisexuals. And that they make our orientation revolve around the heteropatriarchy, when that shouldn't be the case. But there's some Youtuber who claims she's super bisexual. She has lots of followers. But she cames across as such an attention seeker. I don't understand why you have to revolve a channel about 'outfit tips' to look gay, to constantly talk about your orientation, when it turns out that you have a boyfriend. **Of course having a boyfriend doesn't mean a woman isn't bisexual.** But generally if you identify as bi for a while and you're openly non-straight (bi/lesbian) you will have shitty experiences and that's why I find it very strange she makes a party out of being bisexual, seemingly never having to suffer the struggles of being in a same sex relationship. I wouldnt say I am closeted, but I don't make gay struggles and fun about myself when I had nothing to do with it for years and when I pass as straight... Her name is Dutchy on YouTube, and [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyT0XaB5egc&t=378s) video is... so cringy. Just her whole body language. To me she only seems to reinforce a negative stereotype so I don't get why she has so many followers.

11 comments

Thanks for this, I couldn't stand to watch the video because admittedly I was pretty triggered. And not as in "I saw something that made me feel vaguely unhappy" but actual trauma.

I suspect there's an absolute epidemic of TIMs raping bisexual women right now.

I also agree bi women have the highest rape rate of women aside of TIM's

Yah as much as TIMs like to masquerade as "the most oppressed minority" I'm pretty sure the sexual violence rates against bisexual women are higher, as I recall.

my ex used to coerce me into having sex with him and his friend in a MMF threesome.

Ugh I'm so sorry. I've also been coerced into threesomes with my ex. It's a real problem. I'm a very monogamous person, but it's like the concept of a monogamous bisexual doesn't exist for people.

I'm sorry the video was triggering for you, I have no such intention. <3 TIM's can't be the most oppressed minority, they're often white men who can afford health insurance... I have decided I will no longer disclose my sexuality to men and people I don't know very well.

It's ok, I guess I'm just coming to terms with the fact that Get the L Out is basically... well, it doesn't include bisexuals. Which I guess I understand, Team Q has basically salted the earth when it comes to the lesbian community. But still, it brings up a lot of trauma for me when it comes to dealing with homophobia from my parents and then being told by lesbians "well you're not a real homosexual" when on the inside I was like PLEASE, ALL I WANT IN LIFE IS A GIRLFRIEND

I've never had a serious girlfriend, but not for lack of trying. I still can't fucking believe I ended up with a man considering I've spent my entire life in hopeless one-sided crushes on female coworkers, friends, actresses... I've definitely dated women, but I've never found someone who wanted to be my girlfriend and it fucking kills me.
I try to tell myself "you just need to come to terms with being bisexual, statistically there are a lot more straight and bisexual men than lesbian and bisexual women out there. It's just the fall of the cards, you were way more likely to meet a compatible man than a woman."
But then I see someone doing the whole "girl you are in a straight relationship, stop trying to look gay, no one cares if you're bisexual and you should never talk about it ever again" thing and it just fucking kills me. Like all the bullshit I went through coming out to my parents, all the sexual abuse I've experienced for daring to exist as a bisexual woman, just to be told "you're not bi anymore, you're not allowed to talk about it"? Fuck everything. Being bisexual fucking blows. I wish I was just gay or straight so I could have some fucking modicum of dignity in this evil fucked up world.

TIM's can't be the most oppressed minority, they're often white men who can afford health insurance...

Yeah Karen Davis has a few great videos breaking down the trans demographics. They're disproportionately affluent, college educated, older white males. Statistically speaking, they're a privileged minority. Not oppressed. Which makes sense, drugs and surgery are fucking expensive.

I have decided I will no longer disclose my sexuality to men and people I don't know very well.

Yeah I already told my fiance before I learned about the epidemic of sexual abuse against bisexual women, sooo that cat's out of the bag. But that being said, it also raises the question of..... so, when do you tell him? Do you hide it from all your friends? Do you come out to close friends with a caveat that "but I'm in the closet, so don't tell anyone"?
The idea of bisexual women as a whole being essentially forced back into the closet is pretty fucking depressing.
Not to mention that it might not even matter if you tell him. LGB children (or some say "proto-LGB children, because children don't really have a sexual orientation) are also way more likely to be sexually abused, so apparently predators can just tell.
And, so if you do tell your boyfriend after a certain amount of time, who's to say he won't just.... start abusing you after you tell him?
After all, most abusers don't just come into every relationship fully abusive from the start. They love bomb you, learn your strengths and weaknesses, build up their little petty narcissistic injuries and resentments against you, and then they abuse.

I just feel like I'm hearing the message "bisexual women need to go back in the closet" from every side right now, and it's really fucking upsetting. Am I really supposed to closet myself for the comfort of others?????

It's not like I walk around wearing an "I'm bisexual" t-shirt, but if it comes up with my friends in conversation, I tell people I'm bisexual. If people ask my orientation, am I really supposed to lie??

Anyway, you can see where my head's at. These are weird times. I'm really pissed at the alphabet community for bringing so much biphobia back into the LGB community. It's a real fucking shame.
And the rape statistics are just... yeah I don't even begin to know how to process that. I've spent my entire life being told "bisexual women are the least oppressed minority, everyone loves bisexual women and it will literally make you more privileged than straight women" and I thought I was just extremely unlucky to have such a godawful shitty abusive life. Turns out no, oops my bad, bisexual women actually have it really fucking rough. Have fun suffocating in the closet forever and ever.

(I know there are a lot of intense feels, I'm not upset with you at all. I'm just commiserating about the state of the world, as a fellow bisexual woman. I think we're on the same page.)