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I personally was in denial of being a lesbian until my first year of college. I went from thinking I was hetero, to aromantic asexual, to homoromantic asexual. Then I weened myself off of the antidepressants I had been taking since middle school… and I could no longer pretend I was ace once my sex drive finally kicked into gear lol.

The whole process between straight and lesbian took about 5 years though. I’m not sure if that qualifies as late bloomer status or not. The few lesbians I’ve met said they knew their orientation in middle school, and the bisexuals usually said they knew by high school.

What about you guys?

I personally was in denial of being a lesbian until my first year of college. I went from thinking I was hetero, to aromantic asexual, to homoromantic asexual. Then I weened myself off of the antidepressants I had been taking since middle school… and I could no longer pretend I was ace once my sex drive finally kicked into gear lol. The whole process between straight and lesbian took about 5 years though. I’m not sure if that qualifies as late bloomer status or not. The few lesbians I’ve met said they knew their orientation in middle school, and the bisexuals usually said they knew by high school. What about you guys?

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[–] [Deleted] 6 points Edited

Time for me to overshare!

I was always attracted to women, my first romanticthoughts were about other girls were when I was like 8. I have a really homophobic family, so I internalised their hatred and I didn't even put two and two together about the thoughts I was having about women and the possibility of me being gay. It's hard to explain, I knew I had thoughts about women, but I didn't think that meant anything, being gay and have thoughts about other girls, it NEVER occured to me. Because I had compartmentalised it.

I remember all the propoganda I heard from my sunday school teacher, my primary school teachers and my family. I remember being gay was such a taboo in my family that when I was a kid, one of my friend's older sister asked me what swear words I knew, I proceeded to go through a list and at the end I blushed and whispered 'ᵍᵃʸ'. It was the ultimate taboo in my eyes. I remember the first time I typed up the word 'lesbian' to see what it meant, all I saw was porn. I remember being grossed out by the idea that I was a 'lesbian' because of that. Also my family used 'lesbian' as an insult and a dirty word. Even now when I hear family or friends talking about gay women they always whisper the term lesbian. Literally, I have a friend that does it all the time, she'll be talking about something to do with lesbians but when it comes to actualy saying the word, she will whisper or mouth 'ˡᵉˢᵇᵃᶦⁿ' if we are in a public space. I have considered cutting off the friendship because of this. I still hate the term lesbian because of these experiences.

It caused me so much pain, I thought being gay was gross and I thought gay marriage was wrong and I 100% identified as straight. I remember a teacher telling the class that sexuality is more fluid than we believe it to be, and I remember in my head being like 'nope, not me, i'm 100% not attracted to girls' lol. Once I fully deconverted from christianity, I was able to accept my attraction to women, but I still preferred to keep it private because of how strongly against homosexuality my family was.