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I grew up with the trope of the "predatory lesbian", and I always have it in my head that even thinking of a woman being attractive is preying on her.

I think I might be attracted to some men (fictional ones), but even that makes me feel guilty. Like I am somehow betraying women by having feelings for men.

I feel ashamed for having a sex drive. Sex is still associated with my parents in my mind (abuse), so even thinking about it is gross.

And I feel embarassed for being relatively inexperienced for my age.

I'm having trouble reconciling all of this. There's no one in my life with whom there is a mutual attraction, so it's just me and my mind. It's kind of tormenting me.

I grew up with the trope of the "predatory lesbian", and I always have it in my head that even _thinking_ of a woman being attractive is preying on her. I think I _might_ be attracted to some men (fictional ones), but even that makes me feel guilty. Like I am somehow betraying women by having feelings for men. I feel ashamed for having a sex drive. Sex is still associated with my parents in my mind (abuse), so even thinking about it is gross. And I feel embarassed for being relatively inexperienced for my age. I'm having trouble reconciling all of this. There's no one in my life with whom there is a mutual attraction, so it's just me and my mind. It's kind of tormenting me.

6 comments

Oof, with the small exception of being possibly attracted to some men, reading this post had me going, "hold the phone, did I write this???"

I feel this very deeply, especially the bit about the "predatory lesbian" trope and essentially living only in your own mind. I think I've even used the term "torment" to describe the feeling in the past. At the very least, you are not alone in your struggles.

Unfortunately, I can't say I have gotten over thoss feelings myself, so I don't have a lot of concrete advice about it beyond "seek a therapist if it gets REALLY bad" however, I can say that you are more then free to DM me just to vent to a very sympathetic ear if you'd like.

Also, though I know from experience that believing what I'm about to say its waaaaay easier said than done, but you are NOT a predator simply for feeling desire towards women. Predators don't sit around and worry about being predators. They just act without any regard for anyone but themselves, and the fact that you are concerned for the other (hypothetical or real) woman's wellbeing indicates you are far from predatory.