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know that the preddit sub of the same name would have you think that I'm joking. I for one am not a fan of the general discourse there. I do not believe that you can remain married, "in love" or attracted to ANY man at all whatsoever. Not "he's the ONLY one or else I'd totally be lesbian, lol!" Or "he's perfectly okay with me exploring my sexuality while we're still married, lol!" I'm looking for honest opinions though. I DO believe that there are lots of genuine lesbians out there who end up married with kids, only to figure themselves out later on, or those who simply end up in denial/are oblivious and date men since it's simply the easiest route. When the realization hits, though, there's no going back. I don't think it's always accurate to simply label such women as bisexual. I am also troubled by "comphet" and mostly disagree with it. I do agree with the general premise, which is that women are more pressured to pursue hetero relations even if they don't want to. But the whole comphet "community," just seems focused disingenuousness like the late bloomer community. "I have crushes on males but it's because of comphet" I cannot relate to any of that, because I have never had a single crush on a male. I have, however, dated males. Not because I was attracted to them. But because they were attracted to me. I was young and naive, and most importantly, I had extremely low, basically nonexistent self esteem. I had no friends and no support from my homophobic family. I was shamed from a young age for being gender non-conforming. I hid myself so deep in the closet I thought I could be their idea of "normal." I thought that companionship with a male was the better option compared to being alone. Now that I'm older I'm more comfortable in acknowledging the realization that I'm only attracted to women. I've dated men, and now I know for sure that a relationship with one is just not compatible for me. But there are people out there who think that I'm faking it, and that hurts, and I don't know how to make sense of my life. Like I have to prove myself to everyone. I don't feel I should have to prove myself, we all have different circumstances that cause us to make the decisions we do. It's even why I'm posting this in this sub rather than elsewhere, so as to to not put myself at risk of being ridiculed and rejected. I understand exclusivity is a necessity in today's climate, but to what end?

know that the preddit sub of the same name would have you think that I'm joking. I for one am not a fan of the general discourse there. I do not believe that you can remain married, "in love" or attracted to ANY man at all whatsoever. Not "he's the ONLY one or else I'd totally be lesbian, lol!" Or "he's perfectly okay with me exploring my sexuality while we're still married, lol!" I'm looking for honest opinions though. I DO believe that there are lots of genuine lesbians out there who end up married with kids, only to figure themselves out later on, or those who simply end up in denial/are oblivious and date men since it's simply the easiest route. When the realization hits, though, there's no going back. I don't think it's always accurate to simply label such women as bisexual. I am also troubled by "comphet" and mostly disagree with it. I do agree with the general premise, which is that women are more pressured to pursue hetero relations even if they don't want to. But the whole comphet "community," just seems focused disingenuousness like the late bloomer community. "I have crushes on males but it's because of comphet" I cannot relate to any of that, because I have never had a single crush on a male. I have, however, dated males. Not because I was attracted to them. But because they were attracted to me. I was young and naive, and most importantly, I had extremely low, basically nonexistent self esteem. I had no friends and no support from my homophobic family. I was shamed from a young age for being gender non-conforming. I hid myself so deep in the closet I thought I could be their idea of "normal." I thought that companionship with a male was the better option compared to being alone. Now that I'm older I'm more comfortable in acknowledging the realization that I'm only attracted to women. I've dated men, and now I know for sure that a relationship with one is just not compatible for me. But there are people out there who think that I'm faking it, and that hurts, and I don't know how to make sense of my life. Like I have to prove myself to everyone. I don't feel I should have to prove myself, we all have different circumstances that cause us to make the decisions we do. It's even why I'm posting this in this sub rather than elsewhere, so as to to not put myself at risk of being ridiculed and rejected. I understand exclusivity is a necessity in today's climate, but to what end?

45 comments

[–] saint-noir 15 points Edited

I've always know since I could remember I wasn't into men, and never felt comfortable with even the thought of being with them. Later I heard the word "lesbian" found out what it meant and went "yeah that's me." Never been with men, when I got asked out by men I got so uncomfortable just told them "no," and avoided them.

I just don't really understand when a lot of late bloomers say they've never thought about it or even had any feelings for women until later. Never crossed your mind, ever? I think a lot of them are bi, but they're so focused on their new found attraction to women they don't considered other possibilities.

If they have male crushes, even if they're 95-98% women leaning they're still bi. Lesbians aren't attracted to men. But try telling them that. I wonder if they say this stuff around lesbians irl? [Edit] I have zero acceptance for the ""lesbians"" with an exception" they don't exist. They just want to change our word to include them, which would include male attraction. Having a crush or falling in love with a man isn't something a lesbian would do. I think most of them are aware of that which is why the cling to the stupid comphet "I can love and be attracted to men and still be a lesbian" concept made by a bisexual women (she admitted it later.) They're older women they should be able to grasp simple things like that. That comphet belief has damaged our community so much.