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know that the preddit sub of the same name would have you think that I'm joking. I for one am not a fan of the general discourse there. I do not believe that you can remain married, "in love" or attracted to ANY man at all whatsoever. Not "he's the ONLY one or else I'd totally be lesbian, lol!" Or "he's perfectly okay with me exploring my sexuality while we're still married, lol!" I'm looking for honest opinions though. I DO believe that there are lots of genuine lesbians out there who end up married with kids, only to figure themselves out later on, or those who simply end up in denial/are oblivious and date men since it's simply the easiest route. When the realization hits, though, there's no going back. I don't think it's always accurate to simply label such women as bisexual. I am also troubled by "comphet" and mostly disagree with it. I do agree with the general premise, which is that women are more pressured to pursue hetero relations even if they don't want to. But the whole comphet "community," just seems focused disingenuousness like the late bloomer community. "I have crushes on males but it's because of comphet" I cannot relate to any of that, because I have never had a single crush on a male. I have, however, dated males. Not because I was attracted to them. But because they were attracted to me. I was young and naive, and most importantly, I had extremely low, basically nonexistent self esteem. I had no friends and no support from my homophobic family. I was shamed from a young age for being gender non-conforming. I hid myself so deep in the closet I thought I could be their idea of "normal." I thought that companionship with a male was the better option compared to being alone. Now that I'm older I'm more comfortable in acknowledging the realization that I'm only attracted to women. I've dated men, and now I know for sure that a relationship with one is just not compatible for me. But there are people out there who think that I'm faking it, and that hurts, and I don't know how to make sense of my life. Like I have to prove myself to everyone. I don't feel I should have to prove myself, we all have different circumstances that cause us to make the decisions we do. It's even why I'm posting this in this sub rather than elsewhere, so as to to not put myself at risk of being ridiculed and rejected. I understand exclusivity is a necessity in today's climate, but to what end?

know that the preddit sub of the same name would have you think that I'm joking. I for one am not a fan of the general discourse there. I do not believe that you can remain married, "in love" or attracted to ANY man at all whatsoever. Not "he's the ONLY one or else I'd totally be lesbian, lol!" Or "he's perfectly okay with me exploring my sexuality while we're still married, lol!" I'm looking for honest opinions though. I DO believe that there are lots of genuine lesbians out there who end up married with kids, only to figure themselves out later on, or those who simply end up in denial/are oblivious and date men since it's simply the easiest route. When the realization hits, though, there's no going back. I don't think it's always accurate to simply label such women as bisexual. I am also troubled by "comphet" and mostly disagree with it. I do agree with the general premise, which is that women are more pressured to pursue hetero relations even if they don't want to. But the whole comphet "community," just seems focused disingenuousness like the late bloomer community. "I have crushes on males but it's because of comphet" I cannot relate to any of that, because I have never had a single crush on a male. I have, however, dated males. Not because I was attracted to them. But because they were attracted to me. I was young and naive, and most importantly, I had extremely low, basically nonexistent self esteem. I had no friends and no support from my homophobic family. I was shamed from a young age for being gender non-conforming. I hid myself so deep in the closet I thought I could be their idea of "normal." I thought that companionship with a male was the better option compared to being alone. Now that I'm older I'm more comfortable in acknowledging the realization that I'm only attracted to women. I've dated men, and now I know for sure that a relationship with one is just not compatible for me. But there are people out there who think that I'm faking it, and that hurts, and I don't know how to make sense of my life. Like I have to prove myself to everyone. I don't feel I should have to prove myself, we all have different circumstances that cause us to make the decisions we do. It's even why I'm posting this in this sub rather than elsewhere, so as to to not put myself at risk of being ridiculed and rejected. I understand exclusivity is a necessity in today's climate, but to what end?

45 comments

I think there's a distinction between "lesbians" who claim to be attracted to "one special guy" (girl you are not a lesbian, it's okay, this is why the concept of a Kinsey 5 exists) and lesbians who aren't repulsed by sex with men per se, but view it about as exciting as fucking a chair or other household object. "Just close your eyes and think of Hannah Hart..."

Yeah, I think this can be true. I never wanted to have sex with the one boyfriend I had, sometimes it would cross my mind that I might be a lesbian because I had previously been excited to sleep with girlfriends, but then I'd think "Nahh, a real lesbian would immediately projectile vomit when a man leaned in for a kiss. I'm able to grit my teeth and tolerate it, therefore I can't be a lesbian." Hopefully the younger crowd isn't wasting so much time on stuff like this, life is short!

I'm not sure any lesbian would be ok with having sex with men. They're not what we're attracted to, this just comes off has homophobic and what woke homophobes say.

I know almost no lesbians who are gold stars, is that the majority of your friend group? I'm not attracted to men and never have been, and I've certainly never said that people who are sexually attracted to men are lesbians.