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This is a 2-in-1 post discussing the the rise of TIF identities among bi women in particular, and talking about my personal struggles with feeling like "enough" of a woman as a heavily SSA bi woman. I'm wondering if others can relate, and if this could be one of the reasons why transition is on the rise.

I've been noticing a very sharp increase in feminine/gender conforming bi women who are identifying as trans or non-binary now. Lesbians are even more affected by it, but I'm noticing that it's starting to affect bi women now more than I've ever seen before.

I'd like to add that a lot of people are still under the assumption that most FTMs are lesbians, but this isn't true anymore. As of 2015, 29% identified as some flavor of bisexual. Additionally, another 24% identified as "queer", which is a nebulous identity that could mean anything. Only 23% identified as "heterosexual" (aka lesbian). I wonder how it's changed now.

I have 3 theories:

1: Bi women experience disproportionate amounts of domestic and sexual abuse. I am aware that it's becoming more and more common that women who have experienced abuse/rape become TIFs/non-binary later on. (See also: Demi Lovato, Courtney Stodden, etc.)

2: Many bisexual people feel like they are not "queer" enough for the LGB(tq+) community. Bi women are generally are more likely to conform to feminine gender roles, and most are read as straight. Many often report a general sense of alienation from the community. Perhaps some of them have decided to identify as nonbinary in order to feel "queer" enough?

3: Maybe they feel like lesser of, or a "failed" woman for liking other women? Low self-esteem?


This is the post-within-a-post. Also, this one relates to WLW in general. That being said:

I think about this a lot. As I look back on my life, I think that if I was just a few years younger, woker, and/or more naive, I'd likely be identifying as non-binary right now because of this.

When I was in middle/high school, I had a lot of internalized homophobia, and I felt like a "failed girl" for MANY reasons, but the biggest one was because I am mainly attracted to women. I couldn't relate to most of the "girl-talk". So I generally preferred to either be alone, or maybe hang with the boys (if they were being respectful, which they SELDOM were). I felt like I didn't like guys "enough" and was frustrated by it.

TRA propaganda was beginning to go mainstream at the time, however it wasn't as pervasive back then like it is now. But as I said, my internalized homophobia (and general low self-esteem) made me feel like I was failing at girl/womanhood. I think that if TRA propaganda was more common and if I wasn't an Anti-SJW edgelord at the time, I'd have probably been convinced that I'm "actually not a girl" and identified as non-binary.

As someone who is somewhat GNC, to this day, I still struggle with feeling like a "less" of a woman compared to feminine women. (Especially the ones I find attractive.)

Anyone else can relate to this feeling?


4: Any detrans/desisted/former NBs that are bi who care to shed some light on it would be very helpful. I think there are many other reasons that I haven't considered and it'd be nice to hear your input.

End of post. Sorry if this post was messy & scattered given that this is a 2-in-1, but I didn't want to spam the circle with 2 posts, especially since I feel that one of them is tied to the other.

This is a 2-in-1 post discussing the the rise of TIF identities among bi women in particular, and talking about my personal struggles with feeling like "enough" of a woman as a heavily SSA bi woman. I'm wondering if others can relate, and if this could be one of the reasons why transition is on the rise. I've been noticing a very sharp increase in feminine/gender conforming bi women who are identifying as trans or non-binary now. Lesbians are even more affected by it, but I'm noticing that it's starting to affect bi women now more than I've ever seen before. I'd like to add that a lot of people are still under the assumption that most FTMs are lesbians, but this isn't true anymore. [As of 2015, 29% identified as some flavor of bisexual.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_sexuality#Transgender_men) Additionally, another 24% identified as "queer", which is a nebulous identity that could mean anything. Only 23% identified as "heterosexual" (aka lesbian). I wonder how it's changed now. I have 3 theories: 1: **[Bi women experience disproportionate amounts of domestic and sexual abuse.](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_sofindings.pdf)** I am aware that it's becoming more and more common that women who have experienced abuse/rape become TIFs/non-binary later on. (See also: Demi Lovato, Courtney Stodden, etc.) 2: **Many bisexual people feel like they are not "queer" enough for the LGB(tq+) community.** Bi women are generally are more likely to conform to feminine gender roles, and most are read as straight. Many often report a general sense of alienation from the community. Perhaps some of them have decided to identify as nonbinary in order to feel "queer" enough? 3: **Maybe they feel like lesser of, or a "failed" woman for liking other women? Low self-esteem?** ---- This is the post-within-a-post. Also, this one relates to WLW in general. That being said: I think about this a *lot*. As I look back on my life, I think that if I was just a few years younger, woker, and/or more naive, I'd likely be identifying as non-binary right now because of this. When I was in middle/high school, I had a lot of internalized homophobia, and I felt like a "failed girl" for MANY reasons, but the biggest one was because I am mainly attracted to women. I couldn't relate to most of the "girl-talk". So I generally preferred to either be alone, or maybe hang with the boys (if they were being respectful, which they SELDOM were). I felt like I didn't like guys "enough" and was frustrated by it. TRA propaganda was beginning to go mainstream at the time, however it wasn't *as* pervasive back then like it is now. But as I said, my internalized homophobia (and general low self-esteem) made me feel like I was failing at girl/womanhood. I think that if TRA propaganda was more common and if I wasn't an Anti-SJW edgelord at the time, I'd have probably been convinced that I'm "actually not a girl" and identified as non-binary. As someone who is somewhat GNC, to this day, I still struggle with feeling like a "less" of a woman compared to feminine women. (Especially the ones I find attractive.) Anyone else can relate to this feeling? ---------------------- 4: **Any detrans/desisted/former NBs that are bi who care to shed some light on it would be very helpful.** I think there are many other reasons that I haven't considered and it'd be nice to hear your input. End of post. Sorry if this post was messy & scattered given that this is a 2-in-1, but I didn't want to spam the circle with 2 posts, especially since I feel that one of them is tied to the other.

11 comments

As a bisexual desister, you pretty much hit it on the head. I can relate to basically all of this.

As a teenager I was really awkward, tall, fat, bisexual... just very alienated from everyone, especially other girls.

When I came out at 14, my mom basically said she didn't believe me because I was too feminine. This sent me on a dangerous identity crisis of feeling pressured to somehow prove myself.

Also around that time my brother made some really shitty comments about how even though both him and I liked girls, I "only like d*kes" and therefore have nothing in common with him. Just made my identity crisis worse, because now I was being pressured to like girls "like a straight boy," as if that was some sort of standard to aspire to. As a desperately lonely kid, I was vulnerable to this kind of pressure.

So the result? I tried to be super butch, and then started identifying as trans.

And when I tried to find the LGBT community, it was completely overrun with AGPs. It was all downhill from there.

I often wonder, if I was a full-blown lesbian, would I have been susceptible to the same insecurity? Or would I have been more able to see my brother's homophobia for what it was and allow myself to stay feeling connected to the "d*kes" he so thoroughly denounced, instead of trying to force myself into some sort of straight male identity?

It was all just some desperate, misguided search for legitimacy. I wish I had just had a supportive family and community. I didn't even realize how unsupportive my environment was. I thought because they didn't kick me out on the street and "bisexual women are privileged," I must have actually had it super easy right? "Best case scenario" right? I didn't even allow myself the relief of acknowledging "my family is being homophobic and this is hard. They didn't kick me out, true, but they're still being absolutely horrible."

But yeah, I think it's good to have conversations about the unique ways bisexual and lesbian women are both pressured into transition. Some of our experiences are the same, but some are distinct. So thanks for the opportunity for the discussion!