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This is a 2-in-1 post discussing the the rise of TIF identities among bi women in particular, and talking about my personal struggles with feeling like "enough" of a woman as a heavily SSA bi woman. I'm wondering if others can relate, and if this could be one of the reasons why transition is on the rise.

I've been noticing a very sharp increase in feminine/gender conforming bi women who are identifying as trans or non-binary now. Lesbians are even more affected by it, but I'm noticing that it's starting to affect bi women now more than I've ever seen before.

I'd like to add that a lot of people are still under the assumption that most FTMs are lesbians, but this isn't true anymore. As of 2015, 29% identified as some flavor of bisexual. Additionally, another 24% identified as "queer", which is a nebulous identity that could mean anything. Only 23% identified as "heterosexual" (aka lesbian). I wonder how it's changed now.

I have 3 theories:

1: Bi women experience disproportionate amounts of domestic and sexual abuse. I am aware that it's becoming more and more common that women who have experienced abuse/rape become TIFs/non-binary later on. (See also: Demi Lovato, Courtney Stodden, etc.)

2: Many bisexual people feel like they are not "queer" enough for the LGB(tq+) community. Bi women are generally are more likely to conform to feminine gender roles, and most are read as straight. Many often report a general sense of alienation from the community. Perhaps some of them have decided to identify as nonbinary in order to feel "queer" enough?

3: Maybe they feel like lesser of, or a "failed" woman for liking other women? Low self-esteem?


This is the post-within-a-post. Also, this one relates to WLW in general. That being said:

I think about this a lot. As I look back on my life, I think that if I was just a few years younger, woker, and/or more naive, I'd likely be identifying as non-binary right now because of this.

When I was in middle/high school, I had a lot of internalized homophobia, and I felt like a "failed girl" for MANY reasons, but the biggest one was because I am mainly attracted to women. I couldn't relate to most of the "girl-talk". So I generally preferred to either be alone, or maybe hang with the boys (if they were being respectful, which they SELDOM were). I felt like I didn't like guys "enough" and was frustrated by it.

TRA propaganda was beginning to go mainstream at the time, however it wasn't as pervasive back then like it is now. But as I said, my internalized homophobia (and general low self-esteem) made me feel like I was failing at girl/womanhood. I think that if TRA propaganda was more common and if I wasn't an Anti-SJW edgelord at the time, I'd have probably been convinced that I'm "actually not a girl" and identified as non-binary.

As someone who is somewhat GNC, to this day, I still struggle with feeling like a "less" of a woman compared to feminine women. (Especially the ones I find attractive.)

Anyone else can relate to this feeling?


4: Any detrans/desisted/former NBs that are bi who care to shed some light on it would be very helpful. I think there are many other reasons that I haven't considered and it'd be nice to hear your input.

End of post. Sorry if this post was messy & scattered given that this is a 2-in-1, but I didn't want to spam the circle with 2 posts, especially since I feel that one of them is tied to the other.

This is a 2-in-1 post discussing the the rise of TIF identities among bi women in particular, and talking about my personal struggles with feeling like "enough" of a woman as a heavily SSA bi woman. I'm wondering if others can relate, and if this could be one of the reasons why transition is on the rise. I've been noticing a very sharp increase in feminine/gender conforming bi women who are identifying as trans or non-binary now. Lesbians are even more affected by it, but I'm noticing that it's starting to affect bi women now more than I've ever seen before. I'd like to add that a lot of people are still under the assumption that most FTMs are lesbians, but this isn't true anymore. [As of 2015, 29% identified as some flavor of bisexual.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_sexuality#Transgender_men) Additionally, another 24% identified as "queer", which is a nebulous identity that could mean anything. Only 23% identified as "heterosexual" (aka lesbian). I wonder how it's changed now. I have 3 theories: 1: **[Bi women experience disproportionate amounts of domestic and sexual abuse.](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_sofindings.pdf)** I am aware that it's becoming more and more common that women who have experienced abuse/rape become TIFs/non-binary later on. (See also: Demi Lovato, Courtney Stodden, etc.) 2: **Many bisexual people feel like they are not "queer" enough for the LGB(tq+) community.** Bi women are generally are more likely to conform to feminine gender roles, and most are read as straight. Many often report a general sense of alienation from the community. Perhaps some of them have decided to identify as nonbinary in order to feel "queer" enough? 3: **Maybe they feel like lesser of, or a "failed" woman for liking other women? Low self-esteem?** ---- This is the post-within-a-post. Also, this one relates to WLW in general. That being said: I think about this a *lot*. As I look back on my life, I think that if I was just a few years younger, woker, and/or more naive, I'd likely be identifying as non-binary right now because of this. When I was in middle/high school, I had a lot of internalized homophobia, and I felt like a "failed girl" for MANY reasons, but the biggest one was because I am mainly attracted to women. I couldn't relate to most of the "girl-talk". So I generally preferred to either be alone, or maybe hang with the boys (if they were being respectful, which they SELDOM were). I felt like I didn't like guys "enough" and was frustrated by it. TRA propaganda was beginning to go mainstream at the time, however it wasn't *as* pervasive back then like it is now. But as I said, my internalized homophobia (and general low self-esteem) made me feel like I was failing at girl/womanhood. I think that if TRA propaganda was more common and if I wasn't an Anti-SJW edgelord at the time, I'd have probably been convinced that I'm "actually not a girl" and identified as non-binary. As someone who is somewhat GNC, to this day, I still struggle with feeling like a "less" of a woman compared to feminine women. (Especially the ones I find attractive.) Anyone else can relate to this feeling? ---------------------- 4: **Any detrans/desisted/former NBs that are bi who care to shed some light on it would be very helpful.** I think there are many other reasons that I haven't considered and it'd be nice to hear your input. End of post. Sorry if this post was messy & scattered given that this is a 2-in-1, but I didn't want to spam the circle with 2 posts, especially since I feel that one of them is tied to the other.

11 comments

[–] proudcatlady bihet 3 points

My background is a little unusual. I will say that when I was little I heard a news story about a sex change operation on the radio in the car and got very excited and asked my mom about it. I told her I’d get one as soon as I was old enough so I could marry a woman instead of a man.

She said God doesn’t make mistakes lol so make of that what you will. Now I’m a bihet. If anything I have felt like less of a woman/person for being attracted to men and have often wished I were exclusively SSA.

If anything I have felt like less of a woman/person for being attracted to men and have often wished I were exclusively SSA.

Can kinda relate. I didn't mention this aspect in my OP to keep it shorter, but after I said

I felt like I didn't like guys "enough" and was frustrated by it.

I wanted to add that I hated my sexuality because it was so hard to figure out. I used to think that you had to be equally capable of sexual/romantic relationships with both sexes in order to be bisexual.

So I was frustrated because knew I liked guys too much to be a real lesbian, and I didn't like them "enough" to be a real bisexual. I always said to myself that I was "too bi to be gay, but too gay to really be bi." I felt like a mutant hybrid between the 2, but bisexuality and lesbianism are distinct categories. There is no such thing as a hybrid.

I wished that I could have either been 100% gay, 50%, or 0%. But I wanted to be straight more than anything else. Looking back, the only things I wish for now is:

a) I was more educated on how diverse and varied bisexual experiences can be.

b) That the term "febfem" was well-known, well-understood, and if I knew that I could be one back then.