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This is a 2-in-1 post discussing the the rise of TIF identities among bi women in particular, and talking about my personal struggles with feeling like "enough" of a woman as a heavily SSA bi woman. I'm wondering if others can relate, and if this could be one of the reasons why transition is on the rise.

I've been noticing a very sharp increase in feminine/gender conforming bi women who are identifying as trans or non-binary now. Lesbians are even more affected by it, but I'm noticing that it's starting to affect bi women now more than I've ever seen before.

I'd like to add that a lot of people are still under the assumption that most FTMs are lesbians, but this isn't true anymore. As of 2015, 29% identified as some flavor of bisexual. Additionally, another 24% identified as "queer", which is a nebulous identity that could mean anything. Only 23% identified as "heterosexual" (aka lesbian). I wonder how it's changed now.

I have 3 theories:

1: Bi women experience disproportionate amounts of domestic and sexual abuse. I am aware that it's becoming more and more common that women who have experienced abuse/rape become TIFs/non-binary later on. (See also: Demi Lovato, Courtney Stodden, etc.)

2: Many bisexual people feel like they are not "queer" enough for the LGB(tq+) community. Bi women are generally are more likely to conform to feminine gender roles, and most are read as straight. Many often report a general sense of alienation from the community. Perhaps some of them have decided to identify as nonbinary in order to feel "queer" enough?

3: Maybe they feel like lesser of, or a "failed" woman for liking other women? Low self-esteem?


This is the post-within-a-post. Also, this one relates to WLW in general. That being said:

I think about this a lot. As I look back on my life, I think that if I was just a few years younger, woker, and/or more naive, I'd likely be identifying as non-binary right now because of this.

When I was in middle/high school, I had a lot of internalized homophobia, and I felt like a "failed girl" for MANY reasons, but the biggest one was because I am mainly attracted to women. I couldn't relate to most of the "girl-talk". So I generally preferred to either be alone, or maybe hang with the boys (if they were being respectful, which they SELDOM were). I felt like I didn't like guys "enough" and was frustrated by it.

TRA propaganda was beginning to go mainstream at the time, however it wasn't as pervasive back then like it is now. But as I said, my internalized homophobia (and general low self-esteem) made me feel like I was failing at girl/womanhood. I think that if TRA propaganda was more common and if I wasn't an Anti-SJW edgelord at the time, I'd have probably been convinced that I'm "actually not a girl" and identified as non-binary.

As someone who is somewhat GNC, to this day, I still struggle with feeling like a "less" of a woman compared to feminine women. (Especially the ones I find attractive.)

Anyone else can relate to this feeling?


4: Any detrans/desisted/former NBs that are bi who care to shed some light on it would be very helpful. I think there are many other reasons that I haven't considered and it'd be nice to hear your input.

End of post. Sorry if this post was messy & scattered given that this is a 2-in-1, but I didn't want to spam the circle with 2 posts, especially since I feel that one of them is tied to the other.

This is a 2-in-1 post discussing the the rise of TIF identities among bi women in particular, and talking about my personal struggles with feeling like "enough" of a woman as a heavily SSA bi woman. I'm wondering if others can relate, and if this could be one of the reasons why transition is on the rise. I've been noticing a very sharp increase in feminine/gender conforming bi women who are identifying as trans or non-binary now. Lesbians are even more affected by it, but I'm noticing that it's starting to affect bi women now more than I've ever seen before. I'd like to add that a lot of people are still under the assumption that most FTMs are lesbians, but this isn't true anymore. [As of 2015, 29% identified as some flavor of bisexual.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender_sexuality#Transgender_men) Additionally, another 24% identified as "queer", which is a nebulous identity that could mean anything. Only 23% identified as "heterosexual" (aka lesbian). I wonder how it's changed now. I have 3 theories: 1: **[Bi women experience disproportionate amounts of domestic and sexual abuse.](https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_sofindings.pdf)** I am aware that it's becoming more and more common that women who have experienced abuse/rape become TIFs/non-binary later on. (See also: Demi Lovato, Courtney Stodden, etc.) 2: **Many bisexual people feel like they are not "queer" enough for the LGB(tq+) community.** Bi women are generally are more likely to conform to feminine gender roles, and most are read as straight. Many often report a general sense of alienation from the community. Perhaps some of them have decided to identify as nonbinary in order to feel "queer" enough? 3: **Maybe they feel like lesser of, or a "failed" woman for liking other women? Low self-esteem?** ---- This is the post-within-a-post. Also, this one relates to WLW in general. That being said: I think about this a *lot*. As I look back on my life, I think that if I was just a few years younger, woker, and/or more naive, I'd likely be identifying as non-binary right now because of this. When I was in middle/high school, I had a lot of internalized homophobia, and I felt like a "failed girl" for MANY reasons, but the biggest one was because I am mainly attracted to women. I couldn't relate to most of the "girl-talk". So I generally preferred to either be alone, or maybe hang with the boys (if they were being respectful, which they SELDOM were). I felt like I didn't like guys "enough" and was frustrated by it. TRA propaganda was beginning to go mainstream at the time, however it wasn't *as* pervasive back then like it is now. But as I said, my internalized homophobia (and general low self-esteem) made me feel like I was failing at girl/womanhood. I think that if TRA propaganda was more common and if I wasn't an Anti-SJW edgelord at the time, I'd have probably been convinced that I'm "actually not a girl" and identified as non-binary. As someone who is somewhat GNC, to this day, I still struggle with feeling like a "less" of a woman compared to feminine women. (Especially the ones I find attractive.) Anyone else can relate to this feeling? ---------------------- 4: **Any detrans/desisted/former NBs that are bi who care to shed some light on it would be very helpful.** I think there are many other reasons that I haven't considered and it'd be nice to hear your input. End of post. Sorry if this post was messy & scattered given that this is a 2-in-1, but I didn't want to spam the circle with 2 posts, especially since I feel that one of them is tied to the other.

11 comments

I used to identify as non-binary and all 3 of your theories were true for me. There were some reasons that had nothing to do with my bisexuality, but there were some that did. I definitely felt like I wasn't "queer" enough just being bisexual and was always told I could "just be straight" whenever I tried to relate to the other LG/T people. I'm gen Z, so for me pride was mostly about the T to begin with, so I was already super alienated by my "cisgender privilege."

At the same time, I definitely felt like I was less of a woman for being attracted to other women. My first crush was on a friend who was constantly talking about boys in a group of other straight girls. I did what plenty of young girls do and decided that I was a genderless alien and I was just above all of the homophobia, biphobia, and misogyny. Even though it's very normal for young girls to rebel against femininity and hate puberty, I was in an environment where that meant I was trans. I was getting a lot of "support" (read: grooming) from the T community and I could finally be the ✨💖most special queer💖✨ uwu. My mother did what a good parent would do and immediately intervened, immediately put me in therapy, and forced me to cut ties with most of the people from that environment. There are many TRAs now who would think that my mother doing her job as my parent was child abuse and that I should have been taken away from her and given as many drugs and surgeries as I wanted.

I still feel very alienated from straight people and LGB/T people despite being the third letter. But now I'm an adult with a stronger sense of self. I don't need to be part of a community and make that my entire personality anymore.

My mother did what a good parent would do and immediately intervened, immediately put me in therapy, and forced me to cut ties with most of the people from that environment. There are many TRAs now who would think that my mother doing her job as my parent was child abuse and that I should have been taken away from her and given as many drugs and surgeries as I wanted

In Canada, this would be considered "conversion therapy" nowadays and your mom could get in serious trouble for it. I'm happy that she was able to get you out of it while she still could/can.