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44 comments

Yeah, I get venting, but it makes me nervous seeing extreme views here. It's important that we don't fall into demonizing TIMs too much, or else our concerns and criticisms lose merit. The worst TIMs are the loudest, so it's easy to become biased.
The whole movement is destructive, but we should remember that many of the individuals are just extremely confused, mentally ill people who need therapy. One of the most productive, smart, creative, independently successful people I know is a friend of mine who's a TIM, but he's not at all like the ones we hear about here. He doesn't try to speak for women, doesn't try to invade women's spaces, and has actually told me how much he detests and resents TRAs. He keeps me grounded on the topic. But he is ill and needs help.

[–] crodish fujoshit 6 points

I'll give them the benefit of doubt when they stop skinwalking us.

Your friend, as "grounded" as he might be, still claims womanhood because he identifies as one.

Yeah, I don't like it, but as he's on the cusp of suicide I'm not about to give him flack for it.

I'm certainly not advocating for benefit of the doubt. There should never be benefit of the doubt in legislature that is made to protect the vulnerable. I believe that if exploitable avenues exist, they will inevitably be abused. Even on a personal level, you don't owe someone the benefit of the doubt.
I just want to base my TERF position on a place of compassion and justice for women rather than hatred of TIMs.

I get the downvotes, and I don't blame folks. My comment was arguably out of place and over-serious. I just really don't want to see another community I love go down that path. I want to be able to proudly point people this way without scaring them off with comments like that. We have good and valid points and concerns, and I don't want people to be able to dismiss them off the bat as bigotry so easily.

[–] RadfemRocker 1 points Edited

The vast, vast majority of TIMs are only TIMs because of misogyny, i.e., a hatred for us. Anger and hatred for them is completely justified. And if we happen to group the one-in-a-million good one in with the rest, so what? Their feelings get hurt? No one here is advocating for violence against them; the worst anyone who falls into our line of thinking will do is stay away from all TIMs. So really, what's the problem?

[–] crodish fujoshit 0 points Edited

Yeah, I don't like it, but as he's on the cusp of suicide I'm not about to give him flack for it.

"I'll kill myself if you don't let me transition / if you don't see me as the gender I want to be. Do you want a dead son or a live daughter?" Sound familiar? I'm sorry your friend is in emotional distress, but that is not a free pass to claiming to be the sex class he is not. Women's rights are not given away because a male claims to be depressed. Women also are noticeably not "getting their way" even though all of us are adversely affected by this situation. If any woman talked about how upset she was by the loss of her rights and said she was feeling suicidal, she'd be told to kill herself. Often by said men and trans-identified people.

I just want to base my TERF position on a place of compassion and justice for women rather than hatred of TIMs.

As much as "TERF" literally is the acronym for "Trans Exclusionary Radical Feminist", it's a misnomer. Trans-identified females are not excluded from radical feminism, because they are still female. Radical feminism is "by women, for women", not because "we hate men". If you see the anger and despair of women at men for taking away their rights as "extremist views" and "hate", and feel more sympathetic for the latter than the former, I really don't know what to say to you other than that is not compassion for women, and you probably have not understood what radical feminism is actually about nor for.

I want to be able to proudly point people this way without scaring them off with comments like that.

But you'll side with someone who is trans-identified, whose community of people regularly send us rape and death threats. Why is your friend allowed to disassociate from his community for "being one of the good ones", and yet you're worried about how the optics of the "TERF community" might come off to people when we are barely at that level of actual hatred? Is being angry with men for claiming they can be us really akin to the amount of vitriol your friend's community spews at us on the daily?