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36 comments

[–] TheRoyalJesterf 41 points (+44|-3)

I'm happy to kinkshame the shit out of men, but in the case of women, I prefer to ask questions so they ask themselves why they have the kinks they have. I've successfully converted a few sex pozzies using this tactic.

In my experience, most men developed kinks due to their disgusting porn addictions, whereas women were abused or bullied into having them.

[–] kalina 26 points (+26|-0)

i feel like nowadays many women just give in because they know its almost impossible to find a man who doesnt watch porn, or at least not 'bad' porn. Might as well try to force yourself to like it.

[–] TheRoyalJesterf 22 points (+22|-0)

I agree. And it doesn't help that these days, even OTHER women pressure women to give in to porn. It's easy for a woman to feel completely alone if she doesn't like it when every male partner partakes in it and every female friend acts like it's fine. I myself struggled to leave a pornsick relationship for years because even the women I was going to for help and advice acted like I was the one being ridiculous. One even mocked me for considering leaving.

Of course, I'm now in an awesome porn-free relationship, and she's trapped with a pornsick scrote who flat-out demanded she change her appearance to match his porn taste. I'd rather be alone than deal with that shit.

[–] kalina 25 points (+25|-0)

I recently read a comment on reddit (I believe it was some r/relationships thread) where a guy defended porn usage by saying if there was no porn, surely there would be more rape. So I asked him why he thinks the only alternative to porn is rape, and got downvoted into oblivion although literally all I had done was repeat his point.

It's like men tell us all the time openly that they feel entitled to sex and will take it by force either way, but if a woman brings up that exact point then we're booed ALTHOUGH THEY LITERALLY ADMIT TO IT ALL THE TIME.

[–] bornwithovaries 2 points (+2|-0)

We probably should start pointing out that sperm banks are a thing.

Oh, if I'd realized 30 years ago what I know now...

[–] overandout -3 points (+6|-9)

Or humans can have sexual desires that don't conform to our preferred ideologies because we are animals. A lot of creatures have reproductive strategies that are objectively horrifying but evolution doesn't care. Why would humans be the exception? The only unique thing about humans is that since we can talk and reason we can find ways to work these out in less damaging ways.

Kink is not feminist but neither is men being stronger than women or women bearing almost all of the negative effects of creating the next generation. I'm not saying to say you have to like it just that if you think it's abuse all the way down you're going to be disappointed.

[–] TheRoyalJesterf 6 points (+8|-2)

I know reading comprehension is difficult, but I don't know how to help you if you seriously think a comment about porn addiction leading to kinks a person wouldn't otherwise have is the same as claiming biological facts are abuse, which I in no way implied in my comment.

[–] overandout 1 points (+4|-3)

I merely disagree with 'whereas women were abused and bullied into having them.' How do you know they wouldn't otherwise have them and how are you so certain they were abused and bullied into having them? If someone condescended to me like that, I wouldn't listen to another word they said.

There's better ways to go about it. For example, meat tastes good. But we should eat less of it to reduce carbon emissions. Similarly, a kink may be the way a woman prefers to get off. But it would be better not to engage in that activity to create a better society for women. It's one of my pet peeves in rad fem spaces when people go on and on about how no woman would ever actually want to do X and everyone's brainwashed etc. It's an incredibly infantalizing attitude. Not to mention, the argument falls apart if a woman stands up and says 'yes, I actually do want to do that and like that.' Somehow we're all able to understand that just because you like something doesn't mean it's good when it comes to performing femininity but when it comes to sexual desires, it's all 'women couldn't possibly like that!'

If we know why someone shouldn't do something, we should explain why. If we think that people are being pressured into doing something we should talk about why the pressure is bad instead of claiming 'obviously no women would want to do this.' And before I get called a 'sex pozzie' my goal is simply treating other women like thinking human beings and giving them arguments why they should change their behavior instead of assuming they are victims out the gate.

[–] lucrecia -4 points (+4|-8)

This. Would prefer people stuck to facts and data, not ideology. Idk why some people think it's implausible that humans would just be into weird shit sometimes.

[–] bornwithovaries 1 points (+1|-0)

Okay, so on what tree do collars and whips grow? If it's instinctive, that shit should be naturally occurring.

Yeah. Didn't think so.

[–] Freyja 20 points (+20|-0)

Eh, to be fair, I don't truly believe it could ever be a 'real form of oppression' -- what resource would we be extracting from this imaginary class of "kinky people" via 'kinkshaming'? None that I can think of. Calling out creeps for being creeps is perfectly valid on its own.

[–] Moebi 17 points (+20|-3) Edited

Technically, it's not possible to kinkshame, as the first rule of any BDSM sex stuff is that all participants need to consent, if you expose your kinks in the public place (the streets, forests, internet on a platform that doesn't have a paywall with warnings) then you're exposing your kinks to people that didn't ask for it. They didn't give consent beforehand. So you cannot complain that people 'shame' you as you're not even respecting the rules of your own kink. People can do whatever they want in the privacy of their room, but trying to normalise violent sex on mainstream and social media accessible even for children is sick. .

[–] crispycherrypie 10 points (+11|-1)

the first rule of any BDSM sex stuff is that all participants need to consent

People say this, but in practice it is an abusive relationship and I have seen countless examples of people flaunting their kinks in public on top of that.

[–] Verdandi 8 points (+8|-0)

It never, ever stays in the "privacy" of their homes. Like, ever. It bleeds into every other area of their life.

[–] Marmorsymphata 2 points (+2|-0)

Seriously. I see so many creepy women on tumblr complaining that they've been bullied and kinkshamed, and then you look and their avatar is a photoshopped picture of brothers making out and their url is something like wincestforever. Like you seriously expect me to give a shit that people stopped tolerating you when you started jacking off to csa in public????

[–] LobselVith 16 points (+17|-1)

I'm in! The normalization of perversions is harmful in so many ways and especially (almost entirely) to women and children!

[–] pennygadget 13 points (+14|-1)

I'd LOVE to make their persecution complexes come true! LOL