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18 comments

[–] Calico 51 points (+51|-0)

Any straight man who is going to jump at the opportunity to collect a harem of women he can sexually and psychologically abuse while patting himself on the back for being enlightened for it is nothing short of a complete sociopath.

[–] Feerique 31 points (+31|-0)

That's true but also progressive "queer" people who turn around and brand them as "empowering" if done by "queer folx" can also take a seat.

[–] z6iiab 9 points (+9|-0)

especially because most of those are straight men lol

[–] yesisaiditxx 19 points (+19|-0)

Yep. I assume most men want to have their “freedom” when it comes to women and I also assume most men have violent inclinations toward women— or are aroused by the thought of something like a rape fantasy at least, even if they can contain it and not show it. I’m not saying they’re all preoccupied with that by any means but I am saying at least the occasional, passing desire seems to come naturally to them.

So, the kind of man who parades it around and thinks it makes him seem as if he’s progressive and “ethical” about it? Makes me want to barf and run far, far away.

[–] Willow9 17 points (+18|-1) Edited

The problem with libfem is that it ignores we live in a patriarchy. Ideally it's very progressive to be a woman exercising non monogamy or having a sexual fetish because woman sexuality is something that is repressed. In reality, since we live in a patriarchy female sexuality doesn't exist on its own, it exists to serve men. Even if you are a sexually progressive woman chances are you STILL don't have the freedom a man does in the exact same situations.

BDSM plays with violence and women are physically weaker, thus a BDSM play turning abusive towards female is more likely since male violence is normalized as well.

A woman in a poly relationship still have to deal with what it means to be in a heterosexual relationship but 2 or 3 times more as it involved more men. That is, to be physical available for sex all the time, to provide love and psychological care all the time, to clean, cook and organize after men. Plus there's always the chance of something going wrong and turning abusive or violent because men can't receive a no.

Of course, men don't have to worry about any of those things, it's way easier for one to go out with someone new and to establish a relationship since women are designed to serve him in society. He won't have to worry about the 752826 implications of a relationship like a woman does, and he can leave anytime.

I've been in polyamorous relationships. Polyamory is not necessarily a bad thing, but these communities are filled with toxic people. I made the mistake of getting involved with a couple who were just obsessed about their sex lives, and went as far as organising an orgy with strangers expecting me to join, and got upset when I didn't. Straight man + bisexual woman seems to be the majority of couples who open their relationships, often with a one penis policy.

I don't think I want a monogamous relationship for myself, not in a near future, at least, but I want distance from these communities. My first non-monogamous relationship was super chill, but the couple I was seeing... I still feel like an idiot when I think about it.

[–] Lavendersky 7 points (+7|-0) Edited

100%. BDSM has been going on for thousands of years in the form of sexual abuse of women. It's not new or revolutionary. Our male ancestors did it to our female ancestors for generations.

[–] hedy 5 points (+8|-3)

Polyamory should be distinguished from polygamy. No one who props up polygyny as a service to society should be taken seriously. I'm not very familiar with polyandry, but it does seem to be just another tool of misogyny under rare circumstances (e.g. not forcing brothers to split up land assets in an area where arable land is very limited). But, from what I've seen, polyamory is not inherently bad. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to lack the belief system about how family units should be structured that accompany polygamy.

If a society allows women to exercise reproductive freedom (big if I know), I don't think it's inherently problematic. To my mind, it's completely fine for women to want and to enjoy having multiple sexual partners. This does not have to come with grave consequences, and it's wrong to assume that women who say they enjoy casual sex have just been brainwashed (hmm, are they hysterical?). It's not OK to force women down one strictured path or another and blame and shame them if they choose something different for themselves. Hopefully, radical feminism is radical enough to replace telling women what to do with something other than telling women what to do.

[–] littleowl12 8 points (+8|-0)

To each their own, but I'm skeptical of men's motives for it. It's one of those things that looks good on paper and is even hella fun when you're young and fancy free. When you're older, not so much.

[–] bossythecow 4 points (+4|-0)

I've been saying this for ages - the new "woke" sexuality that encourages pansexuality, kink and polyamory is all about getting women specifically to ignore their boundaries. Being superstraight/gay/bi, monogamous and/or unwilling to be physically abused during sex has somehow come to mean you're an unenlightened prude at best and a bigot at worst, rather than a person with reasonable boundaries. I'm not opposed to polyamory (in theory, although I've never seen it not devolve into toxicity) and being a bisexual woman, I clearly don't have issues with having partners of both sexes. But I am inherently suspicious of any (sub)culture that grooms women to ignore their boundaries in favour of things that specifically benefit men. It's ok to be a "boring" super who wants to have "vanilla" sex in a monogamous relationship. It doesn't make you regressive or bigoted to say no.

[–] sineadsiobhan 4 points (+4|-0)

I know poly people. My in-laws revealed to us they were polyamorous in 2016 (BIL had said it had been going on for some time, at the time he had dated two women while his wife dated five men). Frankly, I should have seen something since we tried inviting them to our house several times and got no answer for about 2 years (I did wonder if I said something wrong a lot of the time and my husband said maybe you did, which made me worried and racked my brain as to what I said).

I, however, watched my SIL go from being somewhat Labour-lite to super-woke TRA in a short span of time. She was the one who broke the news about JKR being “transphobic” and I had to go see for myself and became a TERF in the process.

My BIL, who is now divorced, is back to being monogamous and is planning on marrying his girlfriend (who also used to be poly). My SIL often shares why she’s queer (she says she’s bisexual but her relationships include TW, not women) and is very open about it on her FB feed, to the point of being almost graphic about her sex life with her current boyfriend. I cringe and I’m like, no wonder my nephews aren’t on Facebook or other social media as far as I know (the oldest is a teenager).

It has made me think worse of polyamory, in my opinion. I’m not sure what exactly my BIL’s other siblings thought of it or his children (my hubby is his brother) but I thought it was rude when they didn’t respond to my messages. I’m sure they did the same thing to my hubby’s sisters because it sounds like they tried to maximise their time with their own family plus multiple partners and put up a front when they visited their parents.

I love hanging out with my parents and sister and as my mum said, when we were near where her sister lived, “I can’t not visit my sister when we’re here.” My BIL and SIL (during their polyamory phase, unknown to us at the time) went to a festival very close to where we lived (10 minutes down the road from us) and I was wondering if they’d call in for a cuppa before they went home but waited to see if they would send a message and the next thing I know, they’re back at home over an hour away. My hubby and I thought that was strange and probably put it down to not having a shower for a few days, although we would have happily let them refresh themselves if they came by (it was a camping Glastonbury-style festival).

I guess I represent a side of polyamory that’s not exactly discussed- the poly couples relatives. To me, polyamory represents selfish, self-centred narcissism without much thought about other family members. I have no problem with however they want to live their life but I didn’t like how we were ignored to the point of me wondering, and actually crying, about what I said to get that kind of silent treatment.

[–] RadfemBlack 2 points (+3|-1)

Maybe unpopular opinion? It’s good to be skeptical of polyamory, but it’s not inherently oppressive or bad. I was reading that article about matriarchal societies that was linked somewhere else here and it mentioned that one of the cultures studied actually views monogamy as sexual repression of women and thus everyone changed partners frequently.

[–] lucrecia 3 points (+3|-0)

I currently like the idea of letting women have as many partners as they want, and letting men have only one. I'm not comfortable with promoting monogamy as a culture, because I think it encourages male sexual jealousy. But also, a system that encourages men to date multiple women seems like it'll play out badly for women. So that's where I am with it atm.

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